Inell's Fanfiction Archive

I have never been afraid of the dark. Even as a child, I found the night fascinating; sitting beneath the large tree in our backyard and simply staring at the stars. Instead of being frightened by what lurked in the shadows, I was intrigued. I wanted to know what was there, bravely facing any dangers, wanting to understand why such things were feared by so many. My parents indulged my habits, having no concern with the fact that I was often found outside with a book, reading by the light of the moon. Mum would scold me at times, telling me I would ruin my eyes, but they were pleased that I had such an inquisitive nature so there were no worries.

When I arrived at Hogwarts, I discovered a perfect playground. The dungeons were dark, cold, empty. I could disappear into the shadows without fear. Before I met Harry and Ron, I was often hiding in the dungeons. I would claim I was going to the library, but I was usually hidden somewhere cold and dark, reading by the light of my wand. I found comfort in the dark, a reminder of home, a place to escape when others taunted me, teased me, called me names for knowing the answers. Where others feared the unknown, I embraced it.

Harry and Ron never understood. They saw shadows and gripped their wands tightly, ready to strike at what they did not understand. After I became their friend, I was unable to sneak away so easily. I could not explain to them what I felt because I didn’t really comprehend it myself. I still don’t, to be quite honest. Where some craved the light, laughing and playing beneath a bright sun, I longed for the shadowy darkness lit with only moonlight. Even when part of the Golden Trio, as we were often called, I felt a pull towards the unknown. I have always lived in shadows.

I preferred the dark corners of the library to the sunny afternoons at the Quidditch pitch. The Forbidden Forest called to me, whispers of knowledge and insight reaching my ears even as I allowed my friends to drag me towards the lake. I enjoyed learning what lurked in the dungeon, reading the dark texts, studying ancient spells that might help those I love. I used my knowledge to protect them, to save them, to keep them alive. I controlled my desire to learn everything about the new evil that lurked in the shadows of this world I was thrust into, focusing my energy on ways to improve their lives.

I, more than any other, knew the danger that lurked all around. I was one of the creatures being hunted, slaughtered, removed because of the very blood that kept me alive. Fear consumes. If I allowed myself to dwell on selfish thoughts for my own safety, I would be vulnerable, weak so I never feared the dark. Dancing amongst the shadows, I learned things that could help, studied magics that were forbidden, used my fascination with the unknown to aid those that meant the world to me. Firm control, no one ever guessing that there were shadows within my soul.

Harry finally saw it, lurking behind my eyes, knowing that I would do anything, anything at all, to aid my friends. Following the incident with Umbridge during our fifth year, he watched me closely, in much the same way I watched the unfamiliar creatures in Hagrid’s class. He never said a word about what he saw just as I never spoke of what I saw when I looked into his eyes following his numerous nightmares. No words were necessary because we understood, both feeling an unknown pull towards the very things we should fear.

Three years had passed since that first sign of recognition, and we were now preparing to face the end. Ron still didn’t understand, preferring to revel in hope and optimism even as the world becomes more shrouded in shadows. Harry and I knew, though, that we need Ron’s inherent goodness to provide a balance, to keep us from being seduced by the dark. As I watched them ready themselves for a fight that might end with our deaths, I found myself wondering if even Ron would be enough to save me and Harry from the darkness we craved.

End