Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Bones leaves before dawn. Jim is awake but feigns sleep because he isn’t sure that he’s ready to talk about last night. It’s the right choice because Bones doesn’t make any attempt to wake him. He just puts his shoes on and leaves. After he’s gone, Jim opens his eyes and stares at the dark ceiling above his bed. He doesn’t know why it bothers him that Bones sneaks away into the night like nothing happened. Well, really, nothing did happen. They didn’t even take off their socks. Just kissed until they fell asleep, which was different. But sort of nice, even if Jim can’t explain why.

He’s never shared a bed with someone and just slept. Usually, he’s the one who leaves, though he doesn’t ever sneak. He might just be having casual sex, but he doesn’t want to be known as the bastard who uses then sneaks out. He tells himself that Bones just didn’t want to wake him, so that’s why he left so quietly this morning. Maybe if he thinks it enough times, he’ll start to believe it. It’s just difficult to when he knows that every other time, Bones has left right after sex or basically kicked Jim out, the time they did something at his place.

It shouldn’t matter. That’s what happens after sex. It’s fun, both people come, and then one of them goes home. Maybe it’s just weird because he’s never had repeat performances before, so he’s more aware of it now that it’s happened a few times. This between him and Bones, it’s casual. He’s got a definition, of sorts, now. That should help make things clearer, but it doesn’t. It’s pointless to lie awake thinking about it when he needs sleep, though.

Tomorrow--no, today--is going to be a busy day. He’s having lunch at the hospital with Pike, and later, he’s meeting Bones and some classmates at the bar, which should be fun so long as they don’t focus on the absence of some people who didn’t make it back to Earth. And that’s certainly a happy thought. There’s obviously a reason that he doesn’t think at this time of morning. He rolls onto his side and hooks his arm around the spare pillow, pulling it against him. When he closes his eyes, he falls asleep with the smell of Bones all around him.

*******************************************

By the time he arrives at the Harbor Bar, he’s already forty minutes late. It doesn’t really matter since they decided on a general ‘around seven’ time, but he’s irritated when he steps into the bar. Not because he’s late because he is more often than not unless it’s class. He scans the bar and spots his classmates around a couple of tables in the back near the pool tables. When he sees a familiar head of dark hair, he relaxes. Bones is here. Good.

He tenses again when he remembers why he’s so late. Bones wasn’t at home, obviously. However, Jim knows that they mentioned riding over together, since it’s easy to take Jessica, and Bones hates dealing with the public trolley. But when he got to Bones’ place, there was no one there, and he even waited twenty minutes before realizing that Bones must have already left.

Instead of walking over to the table, he stops at the bar and orders a beer. Once he has the bottle, he scopes out the place. There are several women around that catch his interest, but he doesn’t look for long. His gaze keeps drifting back to Bones, who is laughing at something K’richton said. Jim likes watching Bones, even more now that things have changed. When Bones notices him, Jim smiles and holds up his beer as he nods his head once in greeting. Bones doesn’t return their standard greeting. He just looks back at the table and starts talking to K’richton again.

“Want to dance?”

“No, thanks,” he says, winking at the blonde who has approached him. “I’m meeting friends.”

The blonde gives him a fake pout that he figures he’s supposed to find sexy. He doesn’t, though that probably wouldn’t have mattered a few weeks ago. She has nice tits and a pretty face, which meets his usual standards. Hell, her tits surpass them. Still, he’s not interested, and she seems to finally get it. “Well, if you change your mind…” She leaves the invitation hanging before she walks back to a table with two other women.

He shakes his head and looks back at his friends’ table. Bones is staring at him but looks away again. What the hell is his problem? Things have been okay since the fight earlier in the week. Not completely perfect, but not as fucked up, either. Now, Bones is ignoring him again? Jim hopes that maybe he’s just imagining things or making more out of it than he should. He walks over to the tables and grins. “The party can get started now. I’m here.”

“It’s about time, Kirk. Just because you’re some big hero doesn’t mean you should forget who made you,” Mitchell says before downing a shot.

“Leave the man alone. Did you see that blonde? Woman like that is worth forgetting friends over,” Lensky announces. “That the one you’re taking home tonight?”

Jim sits down and shrugs a shoulder. “Who knows?” He glances at Bones and sees that he’s holding his glass tight enough that his knuckles are white. Jim doesn’t really know what to do since it’s not like he can announce that the only person he intends to take home is his best friend. Well, he could, but it’s not an option when Bones isn’t the type to want whatever happens between them to be made public, not that he’s sure he wants that anyway. It’d be sort of hard to explain something that he doesn’t even really understand.

“Aye, you should, Captain. She’s got a great set of tits.” Scotty leers in the blonde’s direction before he goes back to telling Hopkins a story about Scotch and flatulence. Not something Jim cares to hear about. At all.

“What’s he doing here?” he asks Bones in a low tone. While there’s work being done on the Enterprise at the Academy, Scotty’s been skulking about campus, but that doesn’t explain how he’s ended up here of all places.

“Someone invited him, I guess,” Bones says. “How should I know? I’m a doctor, not a babysitter.”

“Damn, Bones. I just asked.” Jim frowns and takes a drink of his beer. He keeps his voice lowered as he says, “I stopped by your place before coming here. It’s why I’m late. I, uh, thought we decided to just ride together.”

“Did we? I must have forgotten.” Bones doesn’t meet his eyes, which means he’s lying. Jim shifts in his chair and taps his foot against the leg of the table, making it shake just a little.

“Yeah. That’s fine.” Jim can lie, too. He takes another drink and realizes that he’s just not good at this. He can’t just ignore Bones, especially when whatever is bother him is probably Jim’s fault. It always seems to be. “How were things at the hospital today?”

Bones snorts before looking at him. “Small talk, Jim?”

“I’m asking about your day,” he says defensively. “I was interested.”

“Sure you were.” Bones rolls his eyes. “I can probably count on two hands, possibly even one, the number of times you’ve asked me how work is going or how my classes are going.”

“I’ve asked before. A lot of times.” He knows he has. They’ve talked about shit like that nearly every day for the last few years. Bones arches a brow and gives him a ‘you’re full of shit’ look. “Haven’t I?”

“You haven’t. If it comes up, it comes up. Otherwise, you don’t really ever seem to care unless it affects you.” Bones doesn’t sound angry about it. More like resigned, which is worse than anger. Jim would understand anger. He could deal with that. Resignation is like giving up, though, and he doesn’t like the thought that Bones has just given up on him.

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m trying to get better about that only being self-involved thing,” he mutters, picking at the label on his bottle with his thumbnail. He looks up at Bones but doesn’t have a chance to ask again because Mitchell challenges him to a game of pool. Bones just shakes his head and stands up, walking over to the bar to get a refill. Jim accepts the challenge and tries to focus on the game.

The game lasts nearly an hour, though the actual playing only takes up about half of that time, and the rest is interruptions and too many friends partying a little too hard. It’s tempting to get drunk, but he’s driving Jess tonight, so he doesn’t really want to take the risk. He should have just taken the trolley. He could get falling-on-his-ass drunk and maybe he could make sense of Bones then. When he finally sinks the eight ball and is declared winner, he’s relieved that the game’s over. He likes hanging out with his friends, even if none of them are really close enough to for him to consider them true friends, but his head really isn’t into it tonight.

Bones gets up to go to the bathroom, and Jim sees his opportunity. He follows him, entering the room and looking around to make sure that they’re alone.

“Damn it, Jim. I need to piss,” Bones says when he sees him.

“I’m not stopping you.” Jim leans against the wall by the door so he can hear if someone’s going to come in. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“You couldn’t do that when my dick isn’t in my hand?” Bones rolls his eyes and proceeds to take a piss.

“Well, I could, but it’s loud out there.” Jim looks at the ceiling because Bones would probably get worried if he stared at him.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“How are you? I mean, you’re acting weird.”

“I’m not the one following you into the bathroom to have a chat,” Bones says dryly. “I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Jim shifts his weight to his other foot. “You’re sure that you’re not mad? You’re acting mad.”

Bones zips up his pants and washes his hands. “I’m not mad.” He wipes his hands on the front of his pants as he faces Jim. “I’m finished. We can go now.”

“Something’s wrong. I’m not stupid, Bones.”

“I know you’re not. I just didn’t want to get into this here.” Bones looks over Jim’s shoulder, staring at the door instead of at him, and Jim feels a slight twist in his gut. “This is a bad idea.”

“I’m not much for talking, either,” he agrees slowly, not sure if he should be agreeing or not.

Bones smiles wryly. “That either.” He looks at Jim. “It’s time to stop fucking around, Jim. Aren’t you bored yet? It’s been a couple of weeks now, so I know it’s already outlasted your normal attention span by a lot.”

Jim frowns. “You’re not making any sense, Bones. Bored with what?”

“Me. This. Whatever this is.” Bones motions between them. “I know that it’s my fault. You were right about that, oddly enough. I knew better, and I should have stopped it. Hell, I should never have let it happen.”

“Why would I be bored with you?” Jim’s confused, and he’s not sure what Bones is trying to say.

“It shouldn’t have happened,” Bones says, staring at the wall again. A nerve in his cheek twitches.

“But it did. It has been. I mean, it is.” Jim runs his fingers through his hair. “Damn it, Bones. What are you trying to say? Just say it.”

“It’s been fun, but I’m finished with it. I was curious, and you were willing, so it seemed like a good opportunity. It’s over now, though.”

“You’re lying.” Jim feels a weight in his belly that seems to be getting heavier the longer he spends in here talking to Bones. “You said that you need me. You said that just last night! It’s more than just you experimenting, Bones.”

“I need my best friend,” Bones clarifies. “You needed sex, so I gave it to you. Like I said, I’ve been curious before, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I figured you’d just move on like you always do.”

Jim doesn’t believe it. It sounds like Bones is reciting a speech or something. Like he typed it out on his datapad during his break and memorized it. It can’t be the truth because Bones wouldn’t use him like that. “I don’t believe you. I don’t know why you’re saying this shit, but it’s not true.”

“Yes, it is.” Bones looks at him then. “I don’t want you, Jim. Run along and find a new playmate because I’m done. It’s getting too complicated, and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship over sex of all things.”

“I know it’s complicated. It’s also confusing as hell. But you don’t hear me lying about it,” Jim points out. “You do want me, Bones. And I want you.”

“You don’t know what you want, kid, and you sure as hell don’t know what I want.”

“I’m not a kid, damn it.” Jim curls his fingers into his palm. Maybe Bones isn’t lying. He feels nauseous. “Alright then. Tell me. What do you want, Bones?”

Bones looks at him steadily as he says, “I want things to go back to how they used to be. Us being best friends.” Jim wants them to be friends, too. That’s important, but he also wants more than that. He can’t believe this is happening. Desperately, he steps forward and kisses Bones, reaching down to touch him. Bones grips his arms and pushes him away, not looking at him as he shakes his head. “Stop being so selfish, Jim. Just stop it.”

Jim’s finding it difficult to breathe, and he needs air. He needs to get away. Away from this smelly bathroom. Away from Bones. “Yeah, alright. It’s done,” he spits out before he opens the door and steps back into the bar. He walks to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey, drinking it straight down before asking for another. He’s developed a pretty high tolerance for alcohol over the years, so it’ll take a lot more than few shots to get him really drunk. If he just has a few to lessen the pain, it’ll be okay. He can still drive home.

He’s on his third shot when he feels someone join him at the bar. For one insane moment, he thinks that maybe it’s Bones, come over to apologize and tell him that it was all lies. When he glances over and sees the blonde from earlier, he’s disappointed. He isn’t feeling particularly flirty and social at the moment, but he forces a smile out. “Hello again.”

“Hi.” She smiles and moves a little closer to him. “I noticed you up here drinking all alone and thought I’d take a chance. What about that dance, handsome?”

“Why not?” He downs his shot before pushing back from the bar. This is familiar. He knows all about this, the flirting and seduction and sex. Just because Bones doesn’t want him doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of women out there who do. He leads her to the dance space and pulls her against him. Glancing over her shoulder as they start to move, he makes eye contact with Bones. Jim moves his hand down her back until his fingers brush over the curve of her ass. He smirks slightly when she presses closer and rolls her hips. Yeah, this is definitely familiar. And easy. And uncomplicated.

When Bones looks away, Jim focuses on the dance and does his best to forget everything else. He rubs against her, touching her back and ass as she grinds into him. She really does have amazing tits, which is even more noticeable when they’re rubbing against his chest. As they dance, she turns around and presses her ass against his crotch, rolling her hips and giving him an invitation that he recognizes well.

The song changes, and she turns back towards him, rubbing and touching him as they move to the music. Maybe fucking her will help him forget. Another nameless face to add to the already long list can’t really hurt anything. She smiles up at him as she moves her arm over his shoulder and strokes the back of his neck. He looks over to Bones, but he’s gone. His seat is empty, and his glass isn’t even on the table anymore.

Jim scans the room but sees no sight of Bones. He shouldn’t care. It doesn’t matter. Bones made it clear that he doesn’t want him, so Jim needs to figure out how to stop feeling like this. He looks back at the woman he’s dancing with and decides that no-strings-attached sex is a good first step. Hell, it’s the only step that he knows, really.

“Want to get out of here?” he asks, squeezing her ass when she smiles knowingly.

“Sure. Let me tell my friends.” She leans up and kisses him. It isn’t exactly what he wants, what he needs, but he returns the kiss anyway. She tastes like lipstick and strawberries. He lets her go talk to her friends and makes his way over to the remainder of his friends.

“I’m out of here, boys.” He winks at them when they start talking about the blonde but doesn’t say anything. He walks away and meets her by the door. “My bike’s this way. Where do you live?”

“Not far from here.” She touches his arm as he leads her to Jessica. “Oh, isn’t this quaint. I’ve never ridden an old one like this.”

“Quaint?” he repeats slowly. Jessica isn’t quaint. She isn’t old, either. Okay, maybe she is, technically, but she’s a lot better than the flying ones. He walks over and strokes the leather seat. “She’s a beauty.”

“Sure.” The blonde reaches out for him and smiles. “Maybe we can do it here, where anyone could catch us. That’d be exciting.”

Before Jim can reply, she’s kissing him again. He feels her hands on his ass, and he closes his eyes as he kisses her back. He moves his hand under her shirt and squeezes her tits. They feel good, soft and warm in his hand, but it’s not working. He wants to lose himself in her, to forget, to stop thinking, and it isn’t fucking working. Why isn’t it working? He deepens the kiss and moves his other hand up beneath her skirt. It is exciting to be doing this somewhere that they could get seen, yet his cock isn’t interested at all.

She pulls back and smiles seductively. “Let’s do it on the bike, handsome.”

On the bike. He looks at Jessica and can’t help but remember Bones stroking him off that first night. He feels like someone has hit him hard in the gut, making it difficult to breathe. “I’m sorry. This…I can’t.” Oh god. What the hell is he doing? She’s hot and ready for it.

“We can just go to my place, if you’d rather. I just thought…you see, one of my friends told me about you, how you made her feel so good, and it happened in a hallway at a bar, so I thought maybe you liked that sort of thing.”

He blinks at her as she explains. “I fucked your friend? And now you want to…”

She shrugs. “You’re good-looking, and she said the sex was great. I just want to get off tonight.”

“Right.” He doesn’t really care. It’s not like he hasn’t had sex with friends before. Hell, he even did a couple of sisters back in Iowa. Separately, though it would have been pretty hot to have them at the same time. Still, he feels mildly disgusted right now. Mostly with himself. No wonder Bones doesn’t want him.

“So, my place?” she asks as she moves her hand down his chest and lower.

“No. Sorry, but I can’t. It’s not you, cause you’re really hot,” he tells her. He’s crazy. This is crazy. But he can’t do it, no matter how easy it would be. “You’re just not who I want.”

“Fuck you,” she says before she pushes her skirt back down and walks back to the entrance of the bar.

“Well, that went well,” he mutters, groaning as he rubs his hands over his face and through his hair. He turns and straddles his bike. “It looks like it’s just you and me, Jess.”