Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Willow glanced at the clock, seeing that it was after one in the morning. She leaned over, switching off the television. She hadn't been watching it at all, leaving it on so the house wouldn't be so silent. She sighed, leaning back against the sofa as she stared at the ceiling. It was so quiet. Buffy was on patrol and Dawn was with a friend. Usually, Willow didn't have a lot of time alone. Living with Dawn and Buffy meant that someone was normally there. She still found it hard to believe that it had been nearly two months since she and Tara had broken up. While she missed her friend, she honestly didn't have any regrets about the break up. She didn't like the circumstances that had caused it, still feeling rather foolish to have become so reliant on magic. She'd sworn it off completely, in the beginning, but was trying now to get to a good in between place. She knew some of the reasons she'd let it take control of her, and had done her best to deal with them. She thought she was now in a place where she could start practicing again. Of course, she had to make sure Buffy and the others were ready before she did anything. They were all finally getting back to a good place, the dynamics of the gang having changed but getting back to what it had once been. She'd seen more of Buffy and Xander in the last two months than she could remember seeing them in nearly two years. It was nice, getting those friendships back.

Willow heard the door slam, glancing up to see a disheveled slayer entering the living room. Her green eyes swept over her best friend, noting the rip on her right shirt sleeve and the dirt covering her blue jeans. She watched in silence as Buffy crossed the room, falling on the sofa beside her with a loud sigh. Arching a brow, she asked softly, "Tough night?"

Buffy nodded, running a hand over her face as she said, "You can't even begin to guess."

"Hungry?" Willow asked, having learned after sharing a dorm and now this house with her friend that Buffy was always hungry after patrol.

"Not really," Buffy frowned, glancing at Willow. She made a face, "Patrol wasn't that bad. A few newbies that I easily dusted. One caught me off guard, though, hence the accessory of dirt on my new pants."

"I kinda like it. Makes a fashion statement," Willow said, her lips twitching as she earned a laugh from Buffy.

"Yeah, it says look at me, I'm a freak," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes, leaning back against the sofa as she smiled, "You always cheer me up, Will."

"You're not a freak, and why do you need cheered up?" Willow asked, closing her book to turn her full attention to her best friend.

"Is Dawn still staying over with Jaime?" Buffy asked, sitting up and looking towards the stairs.

"Yeah, they left hours ago," Willow said, noticing that Buffy was doing her best to avoid answering her question. Concerned, she asked, "Buffy, is everything okay?"

"No, it isn't," Buffy said with a quick glance at her friend. "It's Spike."

"Spike?" Willow's confusion was evident on her face. "What about Spike?"

"I had a talk with him today that wasn't very fun," Buffy said slowly, her hazel eyes moving away from Willow's face to stare at the silent television.

"Elaborate, please," Willow said, not following why having a talk with Spike would make her friend unhappy.

"The last few months, since I came back, he and I have been involved," Buffy said, surprised when Willow nodded.

"You've been having sex with him," Willow said, having known since shortly after the first time.

"How did you know?" Buffy demanded, running a hand through her hair, "Was it that obvious?"

"Buffy, you're my best friend. Best friends know these things," Willow said patiently. "And, no, it wasn't obvious. You did a good job of hiding the relationship, though I'm not sure why there was a need to hide it. I think I'm the only one that knew anything was going on."

"God, I couldn't stand it if anyone else knew," Buffy said, making a face. "It was such a huge mistake. I still can't believe I was that weak, that needy."

********************

"Mistake?" Willow echoed softly, studying her friend. "He loves you. He's completely devoted to you, and you call it a mistake?"

"I don't love him, Willow," Buffy said quietly, catching her friend's eyes. "I could never love him. I really don't think he loves me, you know? I mean, he cares, but I don't think it's love. I do care about him, if you can believe that. He's given me something that I really needed, no questions, no demands. But, it's over. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep telling myself that it's okay to have sex with him even though I don't love him. I need to grow up. I can't lead him on, let him think that we could ever have a relationship. He's not my future."

"How did he take it?" Willow asked softly, not really able to argue with anything that Buffy had said. It actually sounded like her friend had given the entire matter some serious thought, surprisingly enough.

A grimace as Buffy said, "As well as can be imagined. He kept insisting that I loved him. He kept denying that it was over, seemed to believe that I'd realize I was wrong."

"Is he right?" Willow asked.

"No, he's not," Buffy said sincerely. "Like I said, I do care about him, but I will never love him. It's stupid to keep having sex with him just because he's convenient."

"Convenient?" Willow echoed, imagining perfectly what Spike was feeling at the moment.

"I sound like such a horrible bitch," Buffy said, groaning. "It's so clichéd, but I did this for his own good. He was getting too involved, making the sex into some sort of relationship. It was never about that. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I probably already have."

"Nice of you," Willow said sarcastically, sighing as she said, "Sorry. I'm just surprised."

"I should have talked to you sooner," Buffy said with a smile. "I'm the one that should be sorry, not confiding in my best friend about something this important."

"It's okay, Buffy," Willow said, "everyone has secrets, things that we need to keep to ourselves, that only make sense to ourselves. You and Spike, is it going to be okay?"

"You mean, for patrols and stuff?" Buffy asked, wondering what secrets Willow had kept from her, not liking the idea that she didn't know everything about her best friend. Seeing Willow's nod, she shrugged, "I don't know, honestly. He was hurt and angry tonight. Maybe after he's given it some thought, he'll realize that I'm right and we can at least be friends. Before everything got out of control, we were actually getting to be friends. Who'd have thunk it? Me and Spike being friends. I should never have let it go so far. Sex always fucks everything up."

"It definitely changes things," Willow said with a wry smile. "You look tired, Buffy. Why don't you go up and take a hot bath? Get some sleep."

"Hmmm, that does sound good," Buffy said with a smile. "See? You always know how to make happy. Love you, Will."

"Love you too," Willow said with a smile as she watched her friend leave the room. She didn't reopen her book, knowing it would be pointless. She wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything at the moment, much less a reading assignment. She had only been sitting there for fifteen minutes when the phone rang, as she had been expecting. She let out a breath slowly, her green eyes looking at the phone with a mixture of anticipation and worry. After the fourth ring, she picked it up, speaking softly, "Hello?"

One word was whispered before the phone was hung up, "Buttercup."

********************

Willow finally hung up the phone when the annoying buzzing penetrated her mind. She wasn't surprised to receive the call, having half expected it since Buffy had come home. She was nervous, if she were honest with herself. She wasn't sure what she should do. Buffy was awake, taking a bath. She couldn't get out of the house without her friend realizing it. She'd think of something, she always did. Willow walked up the stairs to her room, removing her sleeping shirt and boxers and tossing them on her bed. She opened her closet, green eyes looking at the clothing hanging there. She finally decided on a long skirt that she rarely wore, not liking the way the material moved against her legs when she walked, and a shirt she hadn't worn since high school. After she dressed, she went to her mirror, taking the clip from her hair and brushing her red locks. She'd been letting it grow out the last few months, having other things on her mind than getting her hair cut. It was now just slightly past her shoulders, the longest she'd let it get since high school.

She left it down, not bothering with a clip. Moving to her closet, she pulled out her backpack. She put in a change of clothes, having no doubt that she would need them. There had only been one word spoken, but she recognized the tone. A wave of anticipation washed over her as she licked her lips, her eyes closing as she counted to ten. Now was not the time. She needed to leave without raising suspicion from her best friend. She looked at the clock, eyes widening when she saw that it had already been twenty minutes. With a start, she zipped up her backpack. She had to go. She was taking too long. She entered the hallway, noticing that the bathroom door was still shut. She let out a sigh of relief, thankful that she wouldn't have to look Buffy in the face as she lied to her.

Willow knocked on the bathroom door, calling out, "Buffy?"

"Yeah?" the slayer responded in a sleepy but relaxed tone.

"Tara just called me. She needs to talk," Willow lied, trying not to feel guilty, "so I'm going over there for a while."

"Oh, all right," Buffy said, glancing at the closed door. "When will you be back?"

"I don't know," Willow said, speaking the truth this time. "She just needs to talk, I think. If it's too late, I'll just sleep over."

"Be careful," Buffy said, covering a yawn. "I'll see you in the morning, either way."

"Maybe we can get breakfast or something," Willow suggested. "Bye, Buffy."

"Tell Tara I said hi," Buffy said, not realizing that Willow was already down the stairs and on her way out the door.

Willow walked quickly, her eyes alert to her surroundings though her mind was elsewhere. She knew that it wasn't going to be a fun night, was preparing herself for the next few hours. It was going to end up being nearly an hour from the phone call before she'd get there. That wasn't going to make things any easier. Patience was definitely not a virtue in his case. She reached the cemetery and slowed her steps. A familiar wave of mixed emotions washed over her as she moved closer and closer. Excitement and anticipation and guilt and shame and happiness and lust and need. She was finally standing at the closed door, her heart racing a thousand times faster than normal. Embarrassingly, she had grown more and more aroused with every step she had taken. Before she could knock or open the door, it swung open. Green eyes caught blue.

"You're late," he growled, his eyes sweeping over her before he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside.

"I'm sorry," Willow whispered, flinching at the slight pain in her arm as his hand squeezed her. He was so angry, his eyes flashing yellow as he pulled her into the crypt. She let her backpack fall, knowing she wouldn't be needing it for a while. He spun her to face him, his eyes burning into hers. She'd been right. This was not going to be an easy night.

Spike smiled as he inhaled the intoxicating scent of fear mixed with arousal. He felt himself hardening as she whimpered, out of pain and need. He caught her eyes, his smile becoming wicked as he pushed her roughly against the wall of the crypt. His lips moved to her ear as he whispered, "Took you long enough."

********************

Willow smiled as she said, "I got here as soon as I could."

"Excuses, excuses," he mumbled before his lips caught hers in a punishing kiss. He needed her, now. He'd waited long enough all ready. His hand caught the waist of her skirt as he ripped, the material easily tearing. He dropped it on the floor of the crypt as his leg moved between her legs. He felt her hands on the front of his jeans, heard the zipper being lowered as he tore her shirt off, the cotton material joining the ripped skirt on the ground. She was now standing naked before him, having known not to bother wearing undergarments. Her hands pushed his jeans down past the pale globes of his ass as he lifted her, sliding into her wet warmth easily as he shoved her against the wall.

Willow cried out when he entered her, her fingernails digging into his bare back as they began to move. It didn't take long before they were both finding release, Spike biting her shoulder as he came. Before she could move away from him, he swung them away from the wall, carrying her to his bed. He finally released her, letting her crawl onto the blanket, his blue eyes staying on her the entire time. Willow glanced at him, not able to stop the arousal that swept over her. He always managed to do that, excite her with just a smile or a look or a word.

"You're not going to school tomorrow," he said quietly, raising a brow as he dared her to object.

Willow looked at him in surprise, having to ask, "You're joking, right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?" he asked as he sat on the bed, his eyes not leaving hers as his hand moved up her leg.

"Spike, you can't do this," she protested, her breath catching as his hand squeezed her upper thigh.

"Yes, I can," he said with a knowing smirk, "Who's gonna stop me, Red?"

"I might, I could leave now," she said weakly, knowing that her words were hollow. She couldn't stop him. Couldn't stop this. No matter how badly she wanted, and there had been times she had really wanted to, she couldn't walk away. Didn't want to walk away. And she knew that he felt the same, that knowledge doing wonders in confusing her and making things even more complex.

"Willow, please," he said softly, the smirk fading as he grew serious. "I need you."

"I," she started to speak but changed her mind, knowing that it wasn't the time. Instead, she smiled at him, placing her hand over his and bring it up to cup the red curls between her legs and demanded, "Fuck me, Spike. Fuck me hard."

********************

"I'm sorry," Spike said softly as he ran his finger over the bruise that covered Willow's upper thigh.

"Hmmm?" Willow looked at him, fearful for a moment that he was sorry that they were here. When she realized that he was apologizing for just how rough their time together had been, she smiled. Her hand covered his as she said, "It's okay. Bruises fade."

"It's not okay," he corrected, looking into her green eyes. "You should have told me that I was hurting you."

"You weren't hurting me," she said softly, shaking her head as she again wondered why he couldn't understand that she liked seeing his marks on her flesh.

She hated this, never knowing what to expect from the blond vampire. One minute, he was rough and dangerous. The next, he'd be soft and caring. He never acted the way she would anticipate. Their relationship had started nearly two years ago, soon after he had been implanted and Oz had left. She'd been depressed and unhappy, certain that no one would ever find her attractive. Spike had been angry and needy, knowing just what buttons to push. She still wasn't sure how they had gone from her delivering blood to the most explosive sex she'd ever had, but she knew that things had never been the same since. At first, it had always been about the sex. She enjoyed when he was rough, and he seemed to enjoy her reaction to his touch. Over the years, though, they had become friends. In fact, she was able to be completely honest with Spike, knowing that he wouldn't judge her. When she had become involved with Tara, their involvement had continued. Many a night she would receive a call from Spike, his husky voice saying their code word, and she would be making excuses to go meet him. There had been times that she knew he was deliberately calling when she wouldn't be able to answer the phone, seeming to want Tara to find out about them. She'd never confronted him with her suspicions about his jealousy of her relationship, knowing that she could lose him if she pushed. Then, last year, he'd decided that he was in love with Buffy. That hadn't really surprised her. After all, most the men she knew seemed to want her best friend. She'd been rather proud at how she had dealt with his news, pushing away the jealousy she felt and concentrating on Tara. It was then that she had expected their relationship to end. It hadn't. It seemed that his desire for Buffy didn't affect his desire for Willow. And, God help her, her love for Tara did nothing in diminishing her need for Spike.

When he and the slayer had first consummated their relationship, he had called her away from home in the middle of the night, telling her everything. It had been rough, sitting there hearing him talk about having sex with her best friend. She'd been happy for him while also hating the idea of them together. It had been then, dealing with her insecurities and hurt, that she had begun to grow even more reckless with her magic. She had felt like she was losing control of her life, and had ended up doing just that. During the last months, she had been forced to do a lot of soul searching. It was then that she realized that things with Spike were far more complicated than either of them had ever intended. Somewhere along the line, she had done the stupidest thing she'd ever done in her entire life. She had fallen in love with Spike.

"Buffy was right, you know?" he asked, his fingers still moving over Willow's warm flesh.

"Bout what?" Willow asked, wondering how they had jumped from him hurting her to Buffy. She was not jealous. Nope, not her. Why, then, did she feel like hitting him and telling him that it was rude to talk about another woman when you're laying naked with someone else?

"She and I would never have worked," his eyes looked into Willow's. "The sex was good, but there was nothing else. She used me, and I let her use me. She never really wanted me, though. I'm such a stupid fool."

"No, you aren't," Willow corrected, having learned over the years that Spike was anything but stupid. A fool, maybe. "You love her. She's the fool, letting you go."

"I never loved her, Red," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "I wanted her, ached for her, craved her, but I never loved her. I guess she could see it, even if I couldn't."

"Why did you call me?" Willow finally asked sharply, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sick of hearing about Buffy. I'm tired. I should just go."

"No," he said, his eyes narrowing. "You'll sleep here, with me. I need you, Willow."

"Sure you do," she snorted, cringing as she realized how childish she sounded. She signed, giving him an apologetic smile, "Sorry. I get cranky when I'm tired."

"Why?" he asked softly, his eyes studying her face.

"Why do I get cranky?" she looked at him in confusion.

"Why are you sick of hearing about Buffy?" he asked, flashing back a year to a time when he had been ready to pull his hair out if he heard another word about Tara and how perfectly wonderful the vague little bitch had been. He had to wonder if Willow was as jealous as he had been. If so, what did it all mean?

"Spike, can we just go to sleep?" she asked, not wanting to answer his question, not really having an answer to his question. She definitely wouldn't be going to class, and wanted nothing more than to cuddle up against Spike and get a few hours of sleep.

"Okay," he relented when he realized that she was not planning on answering his question. He moved her back against the pillows, brushing a soft kiss against her mouth as he whispered, "buttercup."

Willow's breath caught as he said the word so softly, giving it so many different meanings. She still couldn't remember where they had come up with that word, but it had become part of their relationship. A nickname, a safety word, a code for their need, a declaration of things neither would speak of. She responded back, using their word to say all the things she wasn't brave enough to say. She spoke one word to say I love you, "Buttercup."

********************

"Hmmm...don't stop," Willow whispered as she woke up to the sensation of Spike's mouth between her legs. She looked down at him, giving him a sleepy smile as she said, "What a way to wake up in the morning."

"You taste so good," he murmured as he ran his tongue over her wet folds. He listened to her soft cry and smiled, loving the sounds she made when they were together. She was so vocal in her appreciation for his touch, always asking for more with words and touch. After two years, he still felt the same need, his desire for her becoming something more. He thought she might love him, would sometimes see the look in her eyes when she didn't think he was watching. During their little research sessions, her beautiful green eyes looking at him so sadly, wanting something more from him. Something he was too scared to give. He'd always loved his little witch, from the first night that they were together. She'd given herself to him completely, never holding anything back. She'd accepted him, the demon and the man. He could still remember the feel of her warm hands on the ridges of his forehead, the lust in her eyes as she had looked into his. That was when the demon had fallen for her, that very moment when she had kissed him and asked him for more. He'd been stupid, though. Never said a word, used her for sex as she used him, watched as their relationship changed and it became less about sex and more about just being together. Still, he had remained silent. He'd lost her to that empty headed little bitch.

Tara. The pathetic little waste of space hadn't deserved to share the same oxygen as his Red, much less share her bed and her heart. It had been when he had first hear about the new love in his Red's life that he had been hit with the truth, that he had realized the reason he felt calm around her, the reason he craved time with her, the reason he had been consumed by a blinding jealousy at the idea of anyone else touching her. He loved her. He'd reacted badly, deliberately trying to get them caught. Calling when he knew Tara was over, bumping into her during research sessions, eating her alive with his eyes, trying to force her into making a choice between him and that silly little bitch. She hadn't made a choice, though, instead continuing to see him at the same time she moved in with that stupid girl. Moved in with her. And she wouldn't even talk to him when her little friends were around. That's when he'd tried to get away from her, away from his feelings. He'd turned his attentions to the slayer. She was convenient and not too bad looking. He'd decided that maybe she would be more accepting of being loved and cherished. He was a bloody fool. A stupid pathetic fool for love.

Buffy had been disgusted at the idea of his feelings, her rejection fueling his need even more. When he'd finally had her, fucked her royally in that broken down old house, he'd realized what he had done. Too late then, so he'd gone with it. Also, he had enjoyed Red's reaction. She'd been upset. Oh, she'd tried to cover it up with a bland little smile, but he had seen the look, recognized it. He'd gotten so caught up in making her jealous, in making her hurt the same way he had that he hadn't seen her sliding into darkness, hadn't realized how out of control she had become. He hadn't been there for her when she had needed him. She hadn't called him, hadn't confided in him. She'd withdrawn from everyone, hurting alone. Only good thing was that she had lost her little shadow. Good riddance.

Now, he was at a loss. Things with the slayer were over. Hell, they'd never really begun. He'd never loved her. She wasn't his Red. She couldn't look into his eyes when his demon was out and accept him inside her. His Red, though, well, she was something special. He'd almost lost her to magic, had almost lost the only thing in his pathetic life that meant anything. He tightened his hold on her legs as he nuzzled the wetness between her legs. He wasn't going to lose her, had to convince her that what they had could be real, that it was worth giving it a chance. When he heard her cry of release, he moved quickly and sunk deep inside her. He moved deeply, his mouth moving over her neck as he felt her legs go around his waist. She met his thrusts, her lips moving over his face as she tightened around him. He growled as he came inside her, his lips capturing hers as he kissed her possessively. He'd try to figure out things later. Right now, he had to persuade her to skip school and spend the day with him. He figured if she was too exhausted to walk, she'd stay with him. A smile crossed his face as he kissed his way down her neck, ready to play again.

********************

"Buttercup," Willow cried out as she felt Spike moving between her legs again. Good grief. She didn't know what was wrong with him, but he hadn't stopped tasting her, touching her, fucking her since she had arrived the night before. He was acting like the energizer bunny on crack! And, while she enjoyed his attentions, she was tired and really didn't think she had another orgasm left until she had rested a bit.

"You don't want me?" Spike looked at her, his blue eyes flashing hurt at her halt of his actions.

"Of course I want you, silly," she gave him a satisfied smile, "but I'm human. I need to rest. I'm a bit sore and sensitive at the moment so can we just snuggle?"

"Snuggle?" he gave her a pleased smile as he moved up the bed to lay behind her, his arm going around her waist as he pulled her against his body, "I can snuggle."

"I just like to be in your arms," she whispered softly, her hand moving over his arm, "it doesn't always have to be sex. I like to be held by you."

"I like to hold you," he admitted as he brushed his lips against the back of her neck. "You always smell so nice. Vanilla and jasmine and magic and sex. I could never get tired of smelling you."

Willow's eyes widened at his words, her breath catching as he gently kissed her neck. He liked how she smelled. He liked to hold her. She knew that he didn't hold Buffy like this, knew that that entire relationship had been about the sex and never the tenderness. How could her best friend be so stupid? How could Buffy throw away his love and devotion without even caring? Okay, so Spike said that he'd never loved Buffy, but was it true? Was he really just trying to cover up the hurt he felt at being dumped as the slayer's latest sex toy? Why he could love Buffy but not love her? She should go. She wasn't in a good emotional place at the moment, and being with Spike would only confuse her even more. She loved him so much that it was getting more and more difficult to spend time with him without saying the words. She didn't want to lose him, didn't want to lose this. "I should go."

Spike tightened his hold on her when he heard her soft words. She wanted to leave? He had just told her he liked holding her, liked being with her, and she wants to leave? "I thought you were spending the day," he said softly, not wanting her to leave. Once she left, it was back to pretending that it never happened. He was sick of the pretending. He wanted the freedom to sit beside her during those ridiculous research sessions, to kiss her without fear of getting caught, to be happy. For two years she had been his, but he'd never truly had her. He needed more, she needed more. Why couldn't she love him?

"I'm supposed to meet Buffy this morning," Willow said hating to speak her best friend's name, hating to leave the comfort of his arms, hating to leave the warmth of his bed. "I don't want her to worry."

"No, couldn't have the slayer worry," Spike snarled, moving to sit up. He was losing her to the slayer, just like normal. It was always the slayer or the moron or Tara. She never chose him. And still he loved her, needed her, wanted her. Bloody fool.

"Spike, I," she stopped, not sure what she was going to say. She didn't understand why he was angry, what had happened. He had been the one to suggest keeping their affair a secret, told her it was better for both of them if no one knew. She had agreed, knowing her friends would never understand. Now, she wasn't so sure about that. They would be surprised, but she didn't think she'd lose them if they found out that she and Spike were involved. Hell, they'd never liked Tara at all so Spike would probably be a step up in their minds. What was she thinking? It didn't matter. They'd never know. She sighed as she got to her feet, moving to find her bag with the clean clothes. "I'll just get dressed and go."

"Willow," he spoke softly, his eyes looking at her as she looked at him in surprise. He never said her real name. "Stay?"

Willow studied him silently, trying to read the emotions she saw in his eyes. He didn't want to be alone, he needed her. She decided that Buffy could wait. She'd think of some excuse, later. She put the bag down and moved towards the bed, her hand moving up to trace his face as she whispered, "Buttercup," before she caught his lips in a soft kiss. She'd stay.

********************

Buffy heard the alarm and groaned, hitting the snooze button again. She opened one hazel eye, glaring at the clock that had disturbed her peaceful sleep. She reluctantly opened her other eye after seeing that it was after seven. She'd covered a yawn as she sat up, stretching before leaning over and turning her alarm off. She was up now, not believing that she was awake, well semi-awake, before seven. She hated being a responsible adult, she decided as she swung her legs out of bed to rest on the floor. She had quit school several months previous, but still woke up early to make sure Dawn got to school on time. Personally, she didn't miss school all that much. It had never been one of her strongest areas and she probably wouldn't have bothered with going to college if not for two reasons. One, her mother had expected it. Two, she'd had Willow with her. After her mother had died and she'd had to focus her energy on defeating Glory and taking care of Dawn, it had been easier to quit school. She'd tried to go back for Willow, but her heart hadn't been into it and she'd realized that she wouldn't lose Willow just because they weren't going to school together. Even with everything that had happened between the two of them since graduation, she still considered the redhead her best friend in the entire world and her soul mate, in a truly platonic sense of the word.

She grabbed shorts and a shirt from her dresser, rather glad that she'd had a long bath the previous night. That meant she didn't have to take her usual morning shower and she had more time to be sleepy and slow moving. She was dressed a few minutes later, entering the hallway and going to knock on Dawn's door. It took her a minute to remember that her sister had stayed over at Jaime's for the night causing her to groan as she realized she could have spent extra time sleeping. Life just wasn't fair she grumbled to herself as she went downstairs. Willow wasn't home yet but she knew they'd made plans to meet for breakfast so the redhead should be arriving soon. Buffy sat on the sofa and turned on some cartoons as she waited for her best friend. She wasn't really sure why Willow had stayed over the previous night with Tara, having thought that the two girls had broken up and officially decided to just be friends since it wasn't working out between them. Of course, there was a good chance that Willow's nightly stay had been friendly like and not sex like, but she still was a bit surprised that Tara had asked Willow to come over like that. The last she had heard, Tara had decided it was okay to be friends but would be easier for both of them to spend some time apart before trying to be friends again.

She was happy to see that Willow was moving on rather well considering the ending of her relationship with Tara. She could easily remember what it had been like after Oz had left, how sad Willow had been and how it had taken a while for her best friend to get over the loss of her first love. The circumstances had been slightly different, what with Oz killing someone and nearly killing Willow, Buffy frowned as she again wished she'd not been so immersed in Riley and stuff during that time and she'd skinned the wolf for hurting Willow so badly, and Tara leaving because Willow had gotten too into magic, but it was still a loss of someone she loved and Buffy knew what that felt like. It hurt and it was difficult to move on and you felt like no one else would ever love you in the same way and it felt like everything stopped until life finally moved on. Buffy wasn't too unhappy to see Tara gone from Willow's life, having always been a bit at a loss on how to deal with the quiet girl that had been devoted to Willow but aloof with the rest of them. She did find it a bit odd that the witch had left Willow during such a bad time, knowing that Willow had gotten a bit overwhelmed with her magic, dare she use the word addicted, but she'd thought Tara was the helpful sticking around kind.

When she'd confronted the witch on her leaving Willow at such a crucial time shortly after the break-up, the blonde had merely told her that she could no longer ignore what was real and that Willow didn't need her and a bunch of other vague crap that had left Buffy feeling like she'd been talking to Angel at the height of his crypticness. She had been able to understand Tara's side of things, in a way, what with the whole memory spell and stuff that Willow had done, but she knew that Willow had never intended to lose control that way. When Dawn had nearly been killed, well, she'd come close to following Tara in turning her back on her best friend but she loved Willow too much to desert her when she desperately needed people around who loved her and trusted her. Tara had left Willow to deal with everyone alone and Buffy wasn't exactly sure what all the reasons had been that had driven the witch away and really didn't care too much. Whatever the reasons, it meant that she and Xander had stepped up and given Willow the support she needed until she had her magic back under control. Buffy wasn't stupid enough to think Willow should turn her back on her natural gift for the craft, but she had encouraged the redhead to do whatever it took to get her control back which had required the girl to give it up for a couple of weeks. Now, Willow was becoming more comfortable and in control of her power, and she seemed more relaxed, though there were still times that she acted kind of strange, distracted in a way.

Buffy had been meaning to talk to Willow about everything but she'd been a bit caught up in her personal drama with Spike. She still didn't know why she'd done what she'd done, knowing that it had just been wrong. Okay, the sex had been real good and it had been rough and made her feel alive during a time she needed it, but she should never have let it get that far. When he'd first seemed to get the crush on her, she'd been surprised to say the least. Honestly, she'd thought he seemed to have a bit of a crush on Willow when he'd been chained at Giles at all. She had been a bit amused by his supposed feelings for her at first, then she'd been annoyed then she'd had so much to deal with that she'd tried to ignore them and focus his energy on keeping Dawn and her friends safe if she died, which she had. When she'd come back, she thought things had changed. He hadn't seemed the same. He'd been distracted and she'd caught him watching Willow in a way that reminded her of those first days he'd received the implant. Then there'd been that horrible night with all the singing and that kiss and then the sex had followed not long after. She'd used him, he'd let her use him, and there had been several times as she'd been getting dressed and stealing glances at him and seeing him staring at the wall with a guilt look on his face that she got the idea that he might have been using her, too. That was one of the many reasons she'd finally called it all off. She'd been confused by him, not sure why he'd feel guilt, not liking the idea of being used, not really liking the idea of using him. She was trying to be mature, trying to grow up, trying to be an adult and using someone that she didn't love for sex was a rather immature thing to do. Besides that, it kind of made her feel like Faith, which made her feel even worse about the choices she'd been making. That's why she'd stopped it last night. And, despite his protests, she'd seen a flash of relief in his blue eyes before she'd left.

So, overall, Buffy was feeling pretty good about everything. Dawn was doing well in school and they were actually starting to become friends as well as sisters. Xander and Anya weren't getting married but both had realized they weren't ready and were slowly rebuilding their relationship. Willow had her magic under control and seemed happier than she had been for a while, though Buffy was still a bit worried about her friend. She was looking forward to spending some quality time with the redhead, maybe she'd find out why Willow seemed sad at times and whether or not it was losing Tara that caused that sadness or something else. And now the Spike situation was taken care of. She'd been telling Willow the truth the night before when she said that she hoped she and the blond vampire could eventually become friends. They'd been friends, of sorts, before she'd died and it was nice having someone else she trusted watching her back. She glanced at the clock and realized that it was now after eight. She'd been so busy thinking that she hadn't noticed how late it was getting. She'd have expected Willow to be home by now if they were going to have breakfast before the redhead's first class started. Maybe Willow had told her to meet her at the café and she just hadn't been listening. That made more sense, anyway. The place they'd get breakfast was close to the campus so it meant they could take longer eating and Willow wouldn't worry about being late for class.

Buffy got off the couch after she turned off the television, deciding that it made perfect sense that Willow was waiting for her at the café that was close to Tara's apartment and the campus rather than coming all the way home first. She hoped she hadn't kept her friend waiting too long. She'd feel pretty foolish to explain that she'd spent half an hour sitting around thinking and waiting all the time that Willow was waiting for her across town. Buffy locked the house and went outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air. It was nice outside already. Sunny and pleasant with a coolness to the air that didn't make it feel as hot as it could be. She got in the car and headed towards her and Willow's favorite breakfast hangout as she decided to blame the alarm not working on the reason for her being late rather than admit she just hadn't been listening the previous night when Willow had probably mentioned meeting at the restaurant instead of at home. She was pretty hungry and was looking forward to spending time with her best friend without having to keep her affair with Spike a secret as she'd been doing for the last couple of months. She was glad that she had told Willow everything, hating keeping secrets from her best friend. She began to sing along to the radio. It was such a nice day, maybe she'd see if the redhead wanted to skip class and just hang out and enjoy the day. With that idea in mind, she began to drive to the diner to have breakfast with Willow.

********************

Buffy's eyes swept over the diner as she walked inside, the smell of pancakes and bacon reminding her that she was hungry. She frowned when she didn't see Willow, glancing at the clock that was on the wall behind the counter and seeing that it was after eight. She didn't remember an exact time being mentioned, but Willow's first class on Fridays was at half past nine so Buffy figured her friend would already be waiting for her. She went ahead and took a seat, rather proud of herself for getting there early. Well, before Willow since she wasn't sure of an exact time they were supposed to meet to know if she was indeed early or late, but it didn't matter because Willow still wasn't there.

The slayer ordered something to drink, deciding to wait to order her food until Willow got there. She watched the clock as the minutes went by, finally ordering something to eat after she'd been waiting for fifteen minutes. She began to wonder if Willow had forgotten their breakfast plans, or if something else had come up. But, she would have expected Willow to call her and let her know. Her best friend was very responsible in matters like that and Buffy found it hard to believe that the redhead had forgotten or failed to call to cancel had something come up. She guessed there was a chance that the overnight with Tara had actually turned into a reconciliation type of thing, but, from what she'd observed the last few weeks, she would never have imagined Tara and Willow getting back together. She honestly wasn't sure the two would ever really be friends again, much less a couple. She was glad when her food arrived, knowing that eating would give her more energy to think about what was going on with her best friend.

As she ate, she began to replay events of the last few months. Phone calls in the middle of the night, Willow gone to school before Buffy woke up....was it possible that Willow had been sneaking out to see Tara all along? That didn't make sense, though. Tara had been pretty vocal when she'd talked to her about things, going on and on about Willow not wanting her or needing her, about lying and reality and, Buffy frowned as she realized that she hadn't really been paying enough attention to Tara's cryptic rambling. She'd been a bit surprised when the quiet girl had suddenly started talking so much and felt a bit guilty when she'd seen the tears in the girl's eyes as she spoke about what all had been wrong between her and Willow. She'd honestly escaped as soon as she could. Now, she wished she'd listened a bit more.

Buffy finished eating, sighing when she noticed that it was a little after nine. It appeared that Willow had either forgotten their tentative breakfast plans, that she'd gone home looking for Buffy and had missed her, or that something had come up that hadn't given the redhead an opportunity to call and cancel. Buffy had been looking forward to having breakfast with her friend, but she knew that things happened. She was actually more curious than upset. She'd never given much thought to those mysterious phone calls she'd hear in the middle of the night and she'd never realized that Willow was always gone to school early on the following mornings which was odd. She was either meeting someone at night and not returning home or she was leaving early to meet someone before school. It had to be Tara, didn't it? Buffy knew that Willow wasn't dating anyone else. Heck, the redhead wasn't even flirting with anyone that she knew of, much less sneaking off and spending the night with someone. No, it had to be Tara. Willow had told her the previous night that that was where she was going and Buffy had no reason to believe that Willow would lie to her about something like that. Willow was the most honest person that Buffy knew and, if the redhead ever did lie to her, it would have to be something really, really big.

Buffy paid for her breakfast and went to her car. She sat in the parking lot of the diner for a few minutes as she continued to think. Something was nagging at the back of her mind and she couldn't put her finger on it. She'd been thinking too much, she decided. Willow had gotten busy with something and hadn't had a chance to call. That's all that had happened. She was putting too much thought into everything. Okay, so she wasn't too fond of Tara and had hoped that Willow had moved on from the witch and was a bit concerned that her friend's failure to turn up for food was the result of a reconciliation between the two girls. Another part of her worried that Willow might have been in an accident on the way to the diner, and another part of her wondered why she was so intent on making such a big deal out of something so silly. She decided to go by Willow's class and make sure that her friend was okay. So she was being a bit overprotective, but that was just part of being a slayer. She always worried about the people she cared about, deciding that she'd see if Willow wanted to have lunch together instead of breakfast.

********************

It didn't take her long to drive to the college, her mind still trying to remember the thought that was eluding her. She was on her way to Willow's class when she saw Tara. She smiled as she started for the blonde, stopping on the path when she saw a girl with dark brown hair move beside the girl and kiss her. Okay, that was so not expected. She watched the two girls for a second before she looked away in confusion. Tara was making out with someone that wasn't Willow, giving a pretty good impression that it wasn't something all that new. What had she wanted to talk to Willow about the night before? Was it about this new girl in her life? Did she tell Willow that she was in love and happy and now they could be friends? If so, how had Willow handled the news? Buffy had thought that Willow was over Tara, that she'd moved on rather quickly considering. Had that acceptance been an act? Was the reason she missed breakfast because she was hurt and upset and sad?

Buffy fought the urge to go over and slap Tara for the pain she may have caused Willow, focusing instead on the relief that the girl had moved on which meant she wouldn't be part of their group anymore. She'd never disliked Tara, but she'd always been so quiet and didn't seem to like any of them except Willow. She'd always been polite, but there'd never really been any hint that she liked any of them. She had been good with Dawn, Buffy corrected. Her sister loved Willow and Tara, both girls becoming her parents the summer following Buffy's death, and Tara had seemed to return that affection. She'd gotten a bit more confidence over the last year, become a bit more vocal, but she'd still been on the edge instead of being a part of their group. Oh, she'd never been overly rude to any of them and had been friendly enough, but she'd never really seemed to want to be a part of the group. She'd been there for Willow and that had been that. She'd tolerated them in sort of the same way they'd tolerated her.

Well, not all of them. While Tara had been polite and nice enough to her and Xander and Anya, she'd always been rude to Spike. She never spoke to the vampire, which wasn't that surprising. Xander wasn't overly nice to him, either, though they seemed to have come to a sort of understanding after Buffy's death. Buffy could have understood a dislike of Spike, him being a vampire and a sarcastic bastard most of the time, but Tara hadn't just avoided talking to him or being around him. Buffy had caught the blonde glaring at Spike many times during their research sessions, before her death and even more afterwards. True, Spike hadn't helped the situation any, usually staring back with a slight smirk and glare of his own. Buffy hadn't given those exchanges any particular thought except to make sure they didn't patrol together since it was obvious they didn't get along for some reason. No one else seemed to notice so she figured she was reading more into it. Besides, lately, she'd been caught up in her affair with Spike and thought she might have been putting her own anger at herself for getting mixed up with him into Tara's thoughts about Spike.

She wasn't very surprised to find that Willow wasn't in class. Now, she just had to figure out where the redhead would go if she was upset. She hadn't gone home, or, at least, she hadn't before Buffy had left a little over an hour before. Xander was at work as was Anya. Dawn was at school. If Willow wanted to be alone, Buffy had no idea which of the numerous places around town the redhead might choose. But, it didn't make sense. Why would Tara call Willow and ask her to come over so she could tell her she'd moved on? They were talking at school as far as Buffy was aware. She found it hard to believe that Tara would make such a production about dating someone else. The girl wasn't known for being dramatic and it just seemed a bit silly to ask your ex-girlfriend to spend the night so you could tell her about your new girlfriend. But, if it wasn't Tara, what was it? Something had come up to cause Willow to cancel their plans without calling. Buffy groaned as she rubbed her temples. The nagging was back, annoyance flashing in her eyes as she tried to figure out what her mind was trying to tell her. This was why she left the thinking to Willow and Giles. She ended up with a headache and too many thoughts that never made any sense. She sat there silently for a few minutes, her mind racing through the many topics she'd been thinking about since waking up that morning.

She'd actually been thinking that something was up since the previous night, when she'd heard Willow talking about secrets and she'd seen the flash of guilt in her friend's eyes that gave her a good idea that the redhead was keeping a secret of her own. That had made her curious and she'd probably spent too much time trying to figure out what sort of secret Willow would keep from her. In a way, she might be better off not finding out. She trusted Willow with her life and figured that there must be a good reason if a secret was indeed being kept. Besides, she'd had her own secret concerning her numerous sex having escapades with Spike, though Willow had guessed that secret so it had been easier confessing the truth. She had just turned on her car, her mind still thinking about the conversation that she and Willow had the previous night about her and Spike, when it suddenly hit her. Eyes widened as she sat back, denial flashing in their hazel depths as she shook her head slowly. It all started to make sense, perfect sense. Why had she never seen it before?

She felt sick to her stomach as she closed her eyes, the pieces fitting together all too well. It was the phone calls, the disappearances. She could remember coming home from patrol to find Dawn and Tara watching TV and Willow out running errands....phone calls in the middle of the night and whispered conversations....and then she remembered Tara's intense hatred of Spike. Buffy sighed as she put all the pieces together, Spike watching Willow when he first arrived at Giles' with the chip, his sudden change of attitude a month or so after he'd been forced to help them, Willow's dorm bed empty when she'd come by in the morning after spending the night with Riley, Spike's hatred of Tara, his sudden crush on her following Willow's new relationship, the smirks and the glaring at research sessions between Tara and Spike, Spike's change of attitude towards her after she'd come back from the dead, Willow growing dependence on magic after Buffy had started having sex with Spike, Tara's cryptic words about facing reality and not being wanted, Willow's periods of distraction, even Spike's relief when she'd ended things the night before...it all finally made sense. Buffy couldn't believe it, didn't understand it, was confused and hurt and worried about her best friend, but she knew she was right. Willow was having an affair with Spike.

********************

Willow loved the sound of his voice. The redhead smiled softly as she snuggled closer to Spike, her head resting against his flat stomach as he sat up against the headboard. He was reading to her, had been reading to her since shortly after she'd decided to stay with him for the day. She'd pulled on his T-shirt before moving to lay across his lap, enjoying the scent of him surrounding her. She was tired and her body was a bit sore so she'd put on the shirt as a way of letting him know she would stay with him but she needed a bit of a rest. She'd not been at all surprised that he'd understood her, knowing that he knew her better than anyone in her life. He'd held her against him and asked if she wanted to hear a story. She'd been a bit surprised when he'd picked up an old book, listening to him as he began to read stories of Gods and Goddesses and mythology that had been passed down for thousands of years.

She felt his fingers in her hair, brushing it gently as he read. Every so often, his fingers would move over her cheek or her neck before moving back to her hair. It was a feeling that she couldn't really describe, laying against the man she loved as he gently caressed her face and read her stories of times long ago. She realized that she was happier than she'd been in weeks, perhaps months. She was with Spike and there wasn't an urgency to leave to get back before she was missed. She was able to enjoy being with him, to not worry that he was thinking about someone else, to know that he didn't love Buffy, to know that he wanted her to stay, that he liked holding her and touching her and being with her. She could be with him without feeling guilty about betraying her relationship with Tara, without the insecurity of comparing herself to Buffy, without any of the baggage that had seemed to be constantly with them since shortly after they started their relationship. In the beginning, it had been rough and wild and new and she'd honestly liked having a secret that she shared with Spike. They'd been able to be together without really caring what might happen if they were found out, knowing that it was just sex, just a way to release their tension and their emotions and everything without being judged. Then, she'd met Tara and felt something for the other woman. Something that was different than what she felt for Spike. Tara was comfortable and safe and had loved her. Spike didn't love her. He wanted her and enjoyed having sex with her, seemed to like spending time with her, but he didn't look at her like Tara did, as if she were the most important person in the world, as if a smile from her could make the day better. Tara made her feel loved and cared for, while Spike made her feel alive and wanted.

She'd been selfish, not wanting to lose either feeling. She'd never felt the way that Spike made her feel, never felt such intense desire and need and loss of control. His touch could make her forget everything except needing him inside her. But, that's all it had been. They rarely spoke after their time together, usually just meeting and having explosive sex and then leaving to act as if nothing had happened. When she'd decided to try a relationship with Tara, it had been for all the wrong reasons. She'd known that then, she knew that now. She had grown to love Tara, in her own way, but she knew that what she'd done was wrong. It had been so wonderful, though, to have someone that loved her back. She honestly hadn't known what might happen when she'd first started to date Tara, not ever considering herself the type of person to cheat on someone she loved. Stolen kisses with Xander had been the closest thing, and that had been mostly about the what ifs in her life and the love that she had felt for Xander even then. What had happened with Tara and her and her and Spike hadn't been expected at all. Spike hadn't let her go, he hadn't said anything when he'd smelled Tara on her, which she knew he had to, instead giving her the fuck of her life as he'd stared into her eyes the entire time. She'd realized then that things had turned around...that somewhere along the way it had become about more than just sex with her and Spike....and she'd realized that she wasn't cheating on Tara with him, no, she'd been cheating on him by being with Tara. It had been that night nearly two years ago that she'd admitted to herself that she loved Spike.

It had also been that night that things had started to change between them. After the sex, he'd not let her go. He'd held her as he told her a story about his travels in Europe, as he opened up for the first time since they'd started their relationship. That was when they'd started to become friends as well as lovers. And that was when her entire life became the fucked up mess that left her feeling guilty for not wanting to lose the comfort of Tara's love even as she realized that she would never be able to give up Spike. He'd changed, too, after he realized that she was involved with someone else. He'd started touching her whenever he could at research sessions without drawing attention to it, always giving her a slight smirk when she'd glare at him. He'd started calling her at odd hours, whispering their code before hanging up and leaving her trying to figure out a way to go to him without getting caught. When she'd moved in with Tara, he'd been angry, never saying anything but giving her no doubt that he wasn't pleased about it. It was soon after that that he seemed to decide he was in love with Buffy. When she'd heard him say the words the first time, it had felt like someone had pushed a knife into her heart. She hadn't been able to say anything, instead accepting it silently as he had accepted her relationship with Tara. It had hurt, though. He could spend months having sex with her, becoming her friend, but he couldn't love her. But he could love her best friend, someone that treated him like crap and couldn't even stand being around him.

She'd had to watch as he'd gone after her best friend, to sit quietly as he made a fool out of himself over someone that didn't want him. After Buffy died, she'd spent more time with him. They'd spent hours talking and having sex and just being together. She'd not told him about her research into bringing Buffy back, had thought he would be angry with her for delving into dark magic, could still remember the night after Buffy's return. He'd been rough and passionate, bruising her and biting her, scolding her and punishing her for messing with forces that she couldn't control. She'd barely been able to walk when he was finished with her, dazed by the fear and anger and hurt that she'd seen in his eyes. She'd thought then that he might feel something for her, that he might care about her. It wasn't long after that he'd started fucking Buffy so she figured whatever she'd seen in his eyes that night had just been wishful thinking on her part. She'd assumed he'd forget her once he had Buffy, but he hadn't. It hurt worse than anything she could remember, hearing that he was involved with the slayer. She'd started pushing Tara away, guilty over her love for Spike and over sneaking around behind Tara's back. She had never intended to hurt Tara, never intended for things to turn out like they did, but she failed. Tara had known about Spike, had known that she didn't love her in a forever after kind of way, had loved her enough to not complain though she'd hated Spike for having Willow in a way that she never could. Willow had found all this out after she'd gotten so careless with her magic, after she'd let it take control of her so that she could stop feeling jealous and hurt. It had worked. She'd stopped feeling anything, had nearly gotten Dawn killed, had heard things from Tara that she'd never thought she'd hear, had nearly lost herself.

Buffy and Xander had been there for her, her best friends giving her the support she needed, helping her find the strength she'd forgotten she had. Spike had been there, too, keeping her with him for hours at a time, touching her and watching her and talking to her, not at all upset about Tara leaving her, seeming to be happy that the girl was out of her life even as he continued to fuck Buffy whenever the slayer felt horny. Willow could only blame herself for everything that had happened, from getting so deeply involved with Tara when she had feelings for someone else to letting her insecurity and hurt draw her into such dark magic. She'd accepted that she loved Spike and that he was involved with Buffy. She'd continued to see him, her feelings continuing to grow as she got her life back under control. She'd watched as Buffy had started to get her own life under control, too. She'd seen the slayer starting to smile again, starting to laugh, starting to enjoy life in a way she hadn't since she'd been brought back. Willow knew that Spike had been honest with her when he said that he'd never loved Buffy, knowing him well enough to know when he was lying. He'd accepted the end of his relationship with Buffy easily, seeming to be glad that it was finished. He'd asked her to stay with him, had said that he liked holding her, had not wanted her to leave him. Did that mean anything or was it just more wishful thinking on her part? She knew that she loved him, had loved him since the first. She knew that she loved being with him, loved tasting him, loved listening to him, loved being held by him, loved touching him, loved laying against him as he gently touched her face. If she told him the truth, if she confessed her love, if she told him that she never wanted to let him go, what would he do?

********************

Spike realized that Willow had stopped listening to him nearly twenty minutes before. She'd moved her head against him, getting more comfortable, and then her breathing had changed. She'd started thinking. He knew that if he looked into her eyes now they'd have a slightly distant look, the color lighter than normal. He continued reading, not wanting to stop for fear that it would disturb her. He didn't know what she was thinking about, but he figured it was about them. It felt different today, though he had no idea why. Maybe it was because everything with Buffy was officially over, maybe it was because Tara had moved out of Willow's life, maybe it was because Willow had chosen to stay with him. He'd been extremely happy when she'd looked into his eyes and smiled that soft smile reserved for him and agreed to stay. He'd wanted to toss her on the bed and sink deep inside her and remain there until they were forced to move. Instead, he'd been content to give her a rest and simply hold her against him as he read to her.

He'd done some thinking of his own as he read, having memorized a few of the stories after reading them to Drusilla repeatedly for as long as he could remember. His sire had liked the stories and had spent many an evening twirling around and smiling as he'd told of the brave deeds of the characters in the stories. It was one of his fond memories of his time with her, having always enjoyed reading to her. Sharing it now with Willow felt right, made him remember good times as he embraced a present that was even better. Willow in his arms as he read surpassed even the best memory of entertaining his Princess. He had loved Drusilla, still loved his sire in the way that love always lingered even as it faded, but what he felt for Willow transcended the feelings he'd had for his sire. He loved Willow with every fiber in his body. Had he possessed a soul, he knew that she would have been the other half. He'd always felt it, from the first, but he'd been scared to death of what she made him feel, of the way she captivated both demon and man, that he'd reacted by closing himself off. He'd fucked her and given her what she needed, but he'd never let her inside. Then she'd run off and gotten involved with the waste of space and made him angry and jealous and forced him into acknowledging that his feelings for her had not gone away after they'd started having sex as he'd hoped, had in fact become something he'd never imagined feeling for a human. He'd fought back, not planning on losing her now that he'd found her. He'd played the game, trying to force her into breaking it off with Tara, into choosing him over the quiet little witch. When that hadn't worked, he'd been pissed off and decided to move on to someone else.

If he could love Willow with such intense emotion, surely he could transfer those feelings to someone else. He'd chosen Buffy, stupid fool that he was, and he'd eventually started to care about her. She reminded him of his past, of wanting something that he could never have, of the challenge that he always enjoyed. He'd never loved her, but he'd wanted her. He wanted to win, wanted to see her admit defeat. Once he had fucked her and had won, he'd just felt guilty. He'd been disgusted with himself, having gotten over his desire for her after she'd died, when he'd spent even more time with the redhead that had his heart. He'd only continued the game with Buffy because he'd been angry with Willow, not able to believe that she'd risked her own life to bring back the slayer. He'd punished her after that, scared to death that he could have lost her, hurt that she'd not told him of her plan, angry that she'd be so stupid and foolish. He'd gone after Buffy to punish Willow, knowing that she had been jealous of his feelings before, knowing that it was a way he could try to force her into admitting that she wanted him and didn't need Tara in her life.

All he'd ended up doing was making it worse. He'd fucked Buffy, had felt guilty when he'd seen the pain in Willow's eyes after she'd been told even as he'd liked her reaction to the news. He'd used Buffy as a way to get to Willow, to make her feel how he felt thinking about her with Tara....perhaps to make her realize she loved him. In the end, she'd lost Tara but also nearly lost herself. He'd not wanted to let her go after that, watching as she'd gotten herself out of the situation, as she'd gotten her strength and power back, as she'd regained her control over her life. He'd loved her even more after watching her struggle with her own demons, watching her defeat them. Buffy had stopped coming around so much, and he'd not had to share Willow with Tara. Then, last night, Buffy had officially ended it. He'd been relieved, glad that it was over even as he'd argued with her. When he'd seen Willow enter the crypt, when he'd looked into her eyes as she'd snapped about having to listen to him talk about Buffy, when she'd whispered Buttercup against his lips, he realized that she might be able to love him.

He wanted her to love him. He wanted to be free to be with her whenever he wanted, to hold her and kiss her and just look at her without worrying about someone seeing or finding out. In the beginning, he'd suggested keeping it a secret. He'd been surprised by his reaction to her, hadn't wanted to lose her because of her stupid friends, had liked sharing the secret with her. It was fun, sneaking away after those monotonous research sessions and having a secret rendezvous, playing with her and tasting her and teaching her. He'd liked teasing her when everyone was around, able to smell her instant arousal that would follow even the most casual touch from him. Whispering their code in her ear during research, watching as she made some excuse to her little shadow and then shagging her like crazy in the alley behind the store, hoping they weren't caught even as he wished they would be. He was tired of the game now, tired of the act, tired of the secret. He wanted everyone to know that she was his, that she'd been his for over two years, and would be his for eternity.

"Is the story over?" Willow's soft voice suddenly disturbed his thoughts.

He looked down at her, a slight smile crossing his lips as he realized he'd gotten so caught up in thinking that he'd stopped reading, "Sorry, luv. I was just thinking."

"About what?" she asked as she moved her head to at him.

"I think I might move," Spike said, mentioning something he'd been thinking about earlier, knowing that now was not the time to tell her that he wanted her to love him and wanted her with him for an eternity or two.

"Move?" Willow tried to keep her voice normal even as she felt her breath stop at his words. He couldn't move, he couldn't leave Sunnydale...couldn't leave her.

"Yeah," Spike nodded, glancing around before looking back into her eyes, curious when he saw the panic in them, "I'm getting a bit tired of the crypt. Thought I might look for something a bit nicer, with normal plumbing and all. More comfortable for you and all that."

"In Sunnydale?" Willow asked, so relieved to realize that he meant just moving from the crypt that she didn't notice the slight fear in his eyes as he mentioned getting a nicer place where she'd be more comfortable.

"Where else?" he asked with honest confusion. "Not real fond of apartments, personally, so maybe a house. What do you think?"

"I think it sounds like a lovely idea," Willow admitted, her heartbeat back to normal as she realized that he wasn't going to leave her. She looked at him with curiosity as she asked, "Spike, how can you get a house? You don't even usually have money for cigarettes."

"Of course I do," he smiled at her, pleased at her reaction to his news. He'd come to the decision to move from the crypt shortly after he'd realized that he wanted a real relationship with Willow, knowing that he couldn't very well have her move in to the crypt with him, once that time came. He wanted to be with her, wanted a life with her, wanted a real relationship with her. A logical first step seemed to be getting a house, somewhere they could live together and share their lives. He saw her confusion about the money issue and explained, "Angelus might not have been a boy scout, pet, but his motto was to always be prepared. He might have been a miserable bastard, but he took care of his own, still does. He set up an account for me shortly after I was turned and he had decided to keep me. I've added some to it throughout the years, too."

"Haven't you used it all by now?" Willow said, finding it odd to think that Angelus would care enough about anyone to make sure they would have the means to take care of themselves. He'd not seemed like the caring type, but, then again, she'd seen him at a very bad time with his whole make the slayer and her friends pay for making me feel human mentality.

"Not hardly, luv," Spike smiled, "investments are good, balance keeps rising. I'll be well taken care for another century or two, at least."

"Why did you help us, then?" she had to ask, remembering the many times he'd trade information for money. "I mean, you said you'd only help if we gave you money and you never seemed to have any, but you really had what must be quite a bit saved up. So, why did you come over and research and help out?"

"You have to ask me that, luv?" he asked softly, his eyes meeting hers as he brushed his fingers over her cheek, thinking back to what she was talking about, remembering using money as the excuse to hang around so he could be with her, making sure they knew that he wasn't there because he wanted to be for fear that she'd realize he was falling for her even before they had sex for the first time, continuing to use the trading of money for information as a cover so that no one would get suspicious of him always being around.

"Oh," Willow's eyes widened at the implication of his words. He'd helped them because of her. A soft smile crossed her face as she leaned against his hand, putting her love and desire into one word as she whispered, "Buttercup."

He slowly smiled a wicked smile at her use of their word, seeing the desire in her green eyes as he moved his thumb across her lips, asking her innocently, "Are you still feeling tired, pet?"

"Not so much...actually feeling pretty frisky right now," she responded with a smile as she ran her tongue over his thumb, moving so that she was on her stomach, her eyes darkening as she sucked his thumb into her mouth. She could feel the desire spread over her as he moved his hand and lowered his head to claim her mouth. She whimpered in need as she straddled his leg, his shirt rising over her bare bottom as his hand cupped her ass. She tangled her fingers in his short hair as he moved their positions until she was on her back, the sheet being pushed down until he was between her legs. They continued to kiss as he entered her, her fingernails digging into his back as they moved as one.

********************

As Willow and Spike's tender kiss became more heated and hands began to move, the blonde slayer turned quickly and made her way away from the bedroom of the crypt. Buffy's eyes were wide and confused as she quietly walked towards the entrance, not wanting to alert the couple to her presence. Finally, she was walking into sunlight, her hand moving up to run over her face as she flashed back over everything that had happened in the last half hour.

She'd been at the college when she'd connected the dots and realized that there was a good chance that Spike and Willow were having an affair. She couldn't believe she'd never seen it before, couldn't believe she'd been so caught up in her own life that she hadn't realized her best friend was in some sort of relationship with Spike. She hadn't known what to think, really. If she was correct with her suspicions, and her slayer sense told her that she was, why had Willow started dating Tara? Why had Willow gotten involved with the quiet witch if she was already involved with Spike? And what was Spike's deal? Why had he claimed to love her if he was screwing around with Willow the entire time? She'd felt terribly guilty when she realized that she'd been having sex with Spike when he was involved with her best friend. True, she hadn't known about the two of them, and the entire thing was a huge confusing mess that she couldn't begin to understand, but she still felt guilty.

She'd decided to go to the crypt and confront Spike. She knew that she'd get some answers from him, that she could find out if Willow and Spike had actually been having an affair nearly the entire time they'd known each other. She also hoped that she'd be able to look into his eyes and know how he felt about Willow. She wanted to know if it was all just sex like their relationship had been or if it was something more. She needed to know that it was real, that it wasn't just her overactive imagination putting pieces together into a puzzle that wasn't right, before she talked to Willow. Right now, she was stunned and confused and a bit angry and guilty. She'd just now finally been able to start getting her best friend back and she had no intention of losing Willow over this mess, especially if she was wrong about it all. She'd decided that Spike would be the best place to get some answers. He was honest and wouldn't lie to her. He might be evasive and try to get out of answering a question, but he wouldn't lie.

She'd arrived at the cemetery not too long after she set her mind on her new goal for the day. She hadn't wanted to go in angry, knowing that that would only put Spike on the defensive and that she'd probably not get any answers. It had taken her a few minutes to get her emotions under control. She was still reeling from her suspicions, still doubtful as to the validity of them even as she knew that she was probably right. She didn't know why Willow hadn't told her about Spike from the first. Okay, so maybe it had been a bad time, what with the initiative and Riley and everything that had been happening back then. But, that had been two years ago. Two years! Buffy couldn't believe that Willow would keep something like this from her for so long. And she didn't understand about Tara and why Willow would get into another relationship if she was involved with Spike.

She also didn't understand what sort of relationship existed between her best friend and Spike, but she wanted to understand. She wanted to be there for Willow, to let her know that they were best friends no matter what. She figured that Spike would be able to give her an idea how it had started, what the exact nature of the relationship was, and then she'd have some time to think about it all before she talked to Willow. She wanted to know that she was saying the right things, that she wasn't going to upset her best friend and lose the redhead from her life. She was so glad that she'd already ended things with Spike, relieved that she was no longer involved with the same man as her best friend. What's done was done and she couldn't change the fact that she'd slept with him a dozen times in the last six weeks or so, but she could be glad that it had ended before she'd found about him and Willow. Hell, she was glad that she'd never become emotionally involved with him. That made it a lot easier to deal with in many ways. They'd sort of become friends after she'd been brought back, then she'd started having sex with him. That was about the extent of their relationship. She cared about him, in some ways, but it was sort of the way she cared about Xander or Giles. She didn't regret being with him the way she regretted that night with Parker, but it had never really seemed right when they were together. She'd used him and he'd let her use him and maybe he'd used her in a way and it was just too confusing and she was getting another headache.

After she'd calmed down and decided on the way to question Spike without pissing him off and ending up with no answers, she'd entered the crypt. To say she'd been surprised to find Willow's clothes laying around the dirty floor was a bit of an understatement. She didn't know why, really. If her theory was right, which it most definitely seemed to be now, Willow had spent the night with Spike after he'd called her the previous evening. It shouldn't been a big surprise that the redhead had stayed with him today, missing class and their breakfast plans, but it was a bit of a shock to realize that she'd actually been right. She'd picked up the shirt, recognizing it as one of Willow's, moving to sit on the stairs as she'd rested her head in her hands. She hadn't felt the normal triumph of being proven right. Instead, she'd felt more confused and uncertain. She just didn't understand. With a sigh, she'd stood and moved down the path to the bedroom that Spike had on a lower level. She had no doubts now that she would find Willow with the vampire. She wasn't sure what she was going to do, knowing that a big scene would only end up making things worse. She just wanted to see her best friend, she decided, to see if she could understand any of this. When she'd neared his room, she'd heard voices. Something about a story. A story? Curiosity moved into her hazel eyes as she quietly made her way towards the door, knowing that it was wrong to listen but deciding that she might get more answers from watching them than confronting them. Besides, it would give her time to think about everything.

What she saw surprised her. Willow had been wearing Spike's shirt and laying against him with a smile on her face that Buffy couldn't remember seeing in a very long time. She looked beautiful and happy. Buffy had leaned back so she wouldn't be seen as she studied her best friend of six years. She listened as Spike mentioned moving, watching as Willow's eyes had changed only to brighten when he clarified that he wanted a house in Sunnydale. Buffy's eyes had moved from Willow to look at Spike when she heard him mention somewhere that Willow would be more comfortable. That's when she got her second, or was it third, shock of the morning. Spike was looking at Willow in a way that he'd never looked at her during the height of his supposed love and devotion to her. He was looking at Willow in a way that she could vaguely remember seeing him look at Drusilla when they'd first arrived in town, but it was even more than that. She'd blatantly eavesdropped when he told Willow about having money, watching as he'd smiled and asked her best friend something about needing to ask the question, realizing that he'd only been helping them at the beginning to be around Willow. When she'd watched them kiss, eyes widening as Willow's bare butt flashed, Buffy had turned her head quickly, definitely not wanting to see what was most likely about to happen. Instead, she'd gotten out of there as quickly and quietly as she could, her mind overloaded with information and realizations. She wanted some answers and she'd definitely gotten some, though there were still questions. If anything, after seeing them together, she was even more confused.

She needed to talk to someone about everything, to just let all the information out of her head before it exploded from having way too much in it. She couldn't talk to Willow about this since it involved the redhead, but that was the person she always talked to about everything. She knew what she had seen in that room, what she'd heard, knew that things were changing. She walked through the cemetery slowly, her mind thinking about everything yet again. She smiled wryly as she made a promise to herself that she was going to take an entire day and think about nothing at all to make up for all the thinking she'd done so far today. She made a decision, knowing what she would do. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, dialing a familiar number.

"Xan, it's Buffy. You want to do lunch today? I think we need to talk," Buffy said when she heard her other best friend's voice over the phone.

"Hey, Buff. Sure, lunch is good, but I'm meeting Anya. Is it okay if she's there or can we do the talking some other time?" Xander asked, not wanting to cancel his lunch with Anya now that they were finally talking again and starting to try to get things worked out between them.

"She can be there," Buffy decided, "I'll meet you at work at eleven, okay?"

"Okay. Buffy, what's this about?" Xander asked, curious why Buffy sounded so serious. "Is it some evil happening or what?"

"No, it's nothing like that," Buffy explained, "I just feel like having a nice chat with one of my best friends. We need to chat once in a while, to talk about things and figure things out and we can eat while we talk which is all good, right?"

"You get enough sleep last night, Buffy? You're turning into rambling slayer," Xander asked with a laugh before saying, "I'd better back to work but I'll see you at eleven."

"See you then, Xander," Buffy said as she hung up the phone. She'd tell Xander everything, she decided, even the part about her and Spike, not wanting anymore secrets between her and her best friends. Honestly, she was being completely selfish by talking to Xander about all of this. She wanted someone else to be as confused and surprised as she was, and she was also hoping that talking about it might help her make some sort of sense of the whole thing because she was even more confused after her visit to the crypt. She'd thought there was a chance that it was just sex, that maybe that's why Willow had gotten involved with Tara and why Spike had claimed to have feelings for her. Now, though, she knew that was completely wrong. Willow had been smiling and relaxed and happy when she'd been laying in Spike's arms, and Spike had been tender and affectionate and vulnerable with the redhead. No, it definitely wasn't just sex. Buffy had seen it with her own eyes, she knew that there was no denying the truth. Willow and Spike were in love.

********************

"We're supposed to be having lunch together," Anya was griping as she sat down in the booth opposite Xander, glaring at him as she reminded, "Together means you and me. It does not include Buffy so why is she joining us for food?"

"I told you that she wanted to talk," Xander sighed, "and I tried to put her off but she said that you could be here and that made me realize that it must be something serious and I wouldn't be much of a friend if I told her no. Besides, look at her. She's acting weird."

"She's finally stopped pacing outside by the car and is on her way over here," Anya remarked casually, a bit curious as to what the slayer had to discuss even as she made sure that Xander was aware of her annoyance at the blonde intruding on their lunch date. They'd promised each other when they had agreed to start over and give their relationship another chance that they would be honest about their feelings and would spend more time talking so that there would be communication between them. She'd honestly felt like killing Xander when he'd decided not to marry her, okay, maybe a spot of torture for a few weeks and then killing, but death had been the goal in her plans. Then, after a few days, something horrible had happened. She'd missed him. He'd hurt her and left her at the alter, but she'd still loved him. Luckily, he seemed to feel the same way, looking rather horrible by the time she'd broken down and seen him, and they'd spent hours talking.

This was only their third lunch date, her chances of getting away from the store not as frequent since Giles had moved to England, but she'd finally hired a part time girl that seemed trustworthy enough to leave alone to meet Xander for a quick lunch. She was a bit surprised when Buffy moved to sit beside her, moving over to make room for the slayer. Xander was right. Buffy was acting even weirder than normal. She'd met them at the construction site that Xander was working at, pacing and muttering and acting strange. When they'd arrived at the café, she'd told them to go on inside and that she'd join them soon. She'd said that she had to think. Well, that right there made Anya even more curious than before. She could count on one hand the times that Buffy had used the word think in connection with herself, and those times had centered around serious events.

"So, Buff, how're ya doing?" Xander asked as he looked at one of his two best friends in the world. He had to admit that he was a bit worried. She'd been different since Willow had brought her back to life, but she'd been changing over the last couple of months and he'd thought she was starting to adjust to everything. She'd been there for Willow during the magic problems and she'd been there for him when he'd decided not to get married, and there had been a lot of traces of the old Buffy, the Buffy that would have done anything for her friends, the Buffy that had needed them in her life. And now she was tapping the table and looking thoughtful and seemed to be trying to figure out how to tell him something. She'd assured him that it wasn't an end of the world situation so he decided to wait and see what she had to say.

"It's been a strange day," Buffy admitted as she ran a hand through her hair, wondering if she'd go bald if she kept repeating that action. She'd been doing it a lot today, more so since leaving the crypt and thinking about what she'd seen.

"What did you want to talk to Xander about?" Anya asked bluntly, deciding that it was better to find out now. If it was something stupid and unimportant, they could eat lunch without listening to Buffy sigh and without watching her pull her hair out. If it was important, it would give them more time to discuss it plus they could eat lunch without listening to Buffy sigh.

"Anya, give her some time," Xander suggested, having to smile at the woman he'd nearly lost and thanking everyone he could think of that she'd given him a second chance. He'd messed up, but he honestly didn't regret not getting married. Neither of them was ready and they both realized that now. They were taking things slow, not wanting to repeat the same mistakes again.

"She had time after she placed the phone call to you and invited herself to eat lunch with us," Anya reminded sweetly, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice for fear of making Xander's smile fade away and be replaced by a frown.

"Anya's right," Buffy said, laughing as they both looked at her in surprise, "Okay, so I don't often say that, but, this time, it happens to be true. I could have all the time in the world and I probably wouldn't know the right way to say what I need to say or to even understand what has happened today, anyway."

"What happened, Buffy?" Xander asked seriously, glad that the waitress was pretty busy and wouldn't be over to interrupt yet. He wanted to know what was causing Buffy to be so confused and why she had called him instead of Willow. He wasn't stupid. He knew that Buffy usually talked to the redhead about her problems and stuff, just like he did. So why was he sitting here now instead of Willow?

"It's Willow," Buffy finally said, shaking her head as she struggled to find the right words to say what needed to be said.

"What about Willow? Is she okay?" Xander was concerned, knowing that his best friend had had a recent brush with losing control of her life by letting magic take over. She'd been doing great as far as he could see, getting her life back and controlling her gift with ease after several days of rough going.

"She's fine," Buffy said, feeling guilty for causing the concern in Xander's voice, "I didn't mean that she was hurt or anything. In fact, she looked happier today than I've seen her in years."

"Happy is good, right?" Anya asked, her curiosity replaced by real interest when she heard that it concerned Willow. Surprisingly, she and Willow had become friends over the years, and the redhead was one of the few people that Anya really cared about.

"Can I get you something to drink?" the waitress asked before Buffy could respond to Anya's question.

They ordered drinks and went ahead and ordered their food so that they could avoid future interruptions. When the waitress left, Buffy answered, "Happy is great, it's just, I don't really know how to explain it. The reason she was happy is what's causing me so much mental concern."

"Buffy, what's the problem?" Xander asked before the slayer could drift into more sighing and thinking before she told them what was wrong with the idea that Willow was happy.

"Willow missed breakfast today," Buffy explained, "we were supposed to meet before her first class. You see, she got a call last night and went out and told me she was staying over with Tara, only I saw Tara at the campus with another girl and I knew then that Willow had lied and I didn't know why and then she missed class so I started thinking even more and all the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together and I realized something that shocked me and was a huge surprise and then it just got even more confusing."

"Buffy, take a breath," Xander suggested, not remembering ever hearing Buffy ramble like this.

"Xander, I don't really know how to say this," Buffy said with a sigh, not knowing how Xander was going to react to the news that his best friend was having a secret relationship with Spike, much less that she, herself, had had secret sex with the vampire and that it appeared that Willow loved the vampire.

Xander studied her silently for several seconds before he nodded slowly, letting out a deep breath as he asked, "You found out about Willow and Spike, didn't you?"

********************

"What?" Buffy's eyes widened as she leaned back against the booth, staring at Xander as if she'd never seen him again.

"Willow and Spike," Xander repeated, knowing from her reaction that he was right.

"How did you...did she tell you?" Buffy finally asked when she realized that Xander knew, had obviously known for a while judging by his reaction.

"No, she didn't," Xander said. He blushed as he said, "I caught them in the cemetery one night when I was helping patrol after you died . They were, uh, busy and didn't see me so she has no idea that I know."

"And you never said anything?" Buffy couldn't believe that he'd known that long and never told her. Not only that, but he hadn't told Willow and had never mentioned it to Spike.

"It wasn't my secret to tell, Buffy," Xander shrugged, "I figured that there must be a reason that Willow didn't want me to know. I mean, you were dead and everything had changed and I was honestly so shocked that my Willow was doing that with Spike that I went home and tried to forget what I saw."

"That was last summer," Buffy was amazed that Xander had kept silent for so long. She'd just found out that morning and had called him to talk about it within hours. "I just found out today and I called you because I was confused and had no idea what to do or think."

"It's really none of your business what they're doing," Anya reminded. "Spike is single and Willow is single so they aren't really hurting anyone."

"But they are hurting someone," Buffy said, turning to look at Anya as she said, "You don't seem surprised. Did Xander tell you?"

"Please," Anya rolled her eyes, "I've known for years. Over a thousand years of watching people has given me some skill, slayer. I didn't know that Xander knew until now, though."

"You said years," Xander looked at Anya and asked, "I thought it might have been a release of tension, a one time thing that I just happened to catch. I started watching them, though, after that. I noticed a lot of things I never paid attention to before. I realized that it wasn't a one night thing, but I didn't know when or how it started."

"It started after Oz left," Buffy spoke up, glancing at Anya as she said, "Am I right? I spent hours thinking about it today and realized that it had to start after Oz but before Tara. Why did Willow get involved with Tara if she was already screwing Spike? That's what I just can't understand."

"It's been going on that long?" Xander sat back, thinking about everything. He, too, was confused about Tara, asking, "I don't get it, either. Why would Willow start dating Tara if she was sneaking off with Spike? I always assumed that it didn't start until after Glory did her mental scramble on Tara, and that that might have caused some problems between Willow and Tara that caused Willow to get involved with Blondie."

"You two are amusing," Anya had to say, shaking her head slowly as she said, "I don't know why she started having a relationship with Spike, though I figure it was for the many orgasms that he could give her and because they were both lost in a way. As for Tara, many orgasms do not necessarily mean loving arms holding you as you sleep or kisses on your face when you wake up. Tara loved Willow and Willow needed to be loved. Simple as that, really."

"Why did Spike start following Buffy around, then?" Xander asked, still not able to believe that Willow had been involved with Spike for so long, not knowing why she'd have kept it a secret for so long. Okay, so it might have started shortly after he'd been chipped and he'd been a sarcastic ass, which would have made it a bit more difficult to accept, but it was Willow. He loved Willow, had tolerated Wolf Boy and Tara because he thought both of them made her happy. Hell, he actually considered Spike a bit of a friend now and thought he was a step up from the other two people she'd shared her bed with, but his understanding of the affair completely changed when he heard that it had been going on for such a long time, making sense in a way as it confused him in another. Now he understood why Buffy had been acting so weird, understanding her confusion in a way.

"I think that he was upset about Tara," Buffy answered softly, "I've given it a lot of thought, as I mentioned, and I honestly think that he was pissed off at Willow for moving in with Tara and used the idea of loving me as a way to make her angry. When I came back, he'd changed. He didn't look at me the same way and I really don't know if he did actually start to care before I died or if he was just caught up in the act, but he never loved me. Xander, I had an affair with Spike. I wanted to be completely honest with you because you're one of my best friends, and it might explain why I'm even more wigged out about this entire relationship between Willow and Spike. I mean, I was having sex with him a couple of weeks ago and now I find out that my best friend in the entire world has been involved with him for years. I feel guilty for betraying her even though I had no idea, and I feel hurt that she never told me the truth."

"You and Spike?" Xander made a face as he felt a headache coming on.

"Is it over?" Anya asked, having had her suspicions about Buffy and Spike before, but never giving it that much thought because she'd been busy with wedding plans and then non-wedding plans and things had been too hectic to analyze things too much.

"I ended it officially last night, actually," Buffy said, "but it's really been over for a couple of weeks. Willow knew about it, knew that I'd been sleeping with him. We talked last night about everything and I felt better about it all. Then, he called her over and she said it was Tara and I really don't know if she's angry at me for having sex with him even though I didn't know about the two of them."

"Did he start it?" Xander asked.

"No, he didn't," Buffy admitted, "it just happened. I know that's not a good excuse, but it's the truth. I used him to feel alive and he used me to make Willow jealous, and neither one of us felt that good about it in the end. He was relieved when I ended it last night."

"You mentioned that someone was getting hurt by them being together," Anya remarked, remembering the slayer's words earlier. "What were you talking about?"

"They're hurting themselves," Buffy said sincerely, looking at Xander as she explained her reasoning, "I went to the crypt today before I called you, intending to confront Spike and find out if I was right, find out if they had been having a relationship as long as I suspected. When I got there, I found him in bed with Willow. She was so happy, Xan. She looked beautiful and relaxed and I can't even explain it. And Spike was the same. He looked happy and nervous and I listened to them talking and it was in his voice and in his eyes. I left without them realizing I was there, but I'd already seen enough. Together, they're happy and complete and it was so beautiful. They love each other, Xander, and, as corny as it might sound, I really think they belong together."

********************

"Do you have to leave?"

Willow finished fastening her bra before she looked at Spike. She nodded slowly, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed and feel his arms around her, but it was time to go. It was late afternoon and she'd already missed school and a tentative breakfast with Buffy. Willow sighed before she said, "I promised Dawn that I'd pick her up after school today and we'd go for milk shakes. She gets out at 3:30, so it's time for me to go."

"I wish you'd stay," Spike said softly before he looked away. He knew he couldn't ask her to forget Dawn to stay in his bed. He could see in her eyes that she was reluctant to go, knew that she didn't really want to go have a milk shake with Niblet, and it wouldn't do her any good for him to sulk because she was keeping her promise. He got out of bed and slid on his jeans, asking, "Will I see you tonight?"

Willow ran a hand through her hair, wishing she knew what to do. She was usually the one with the answers, the one that knew and understood and had the ideas. With Spike, she was completely lost. She loved him. She couldn't deny that truth, couldn't ignore the depth of her feelings for him. What had started out as mutual attraction and great sex had developed into something so much more. She loved him and thought that he might feel the same way about her, but she was scared and had no idea what to say or do. She couldn't lose him, couldn't imagine her life without him, so she remained silent as she finished dressing. She couldn't tell him that she loved him, couldn't tell him that she wanted to be with him without having to keep it a secret, couldn't tell him how she felt or what she wanted. Instead, she said, "I'm sure you will. I mean, we've got patrol and I think Xander mentioned getting pizza for research."

"That's not what I meant, Red," Spike said as he glanced at her. He didn't even know if he'd go to the damn store anymore. It was getting more and more difficult to not touch her, to pretend that she meant nothing to him, to act as if he didn't care at all, to forget that he loved her.

"Yes, you'll see me tonight," Willow said softly, "I'll sneak out after Buffy and Dawn are asleep so I don't have to lie about where I'm going."

"Yeah, can't have them knowing you're with me," Spike muttered, angry at the idea of her sneaking around and lying about being with him even as he knew that it was the only way they could be together.

"Will you be at the store tonight? For patrol?" Willow asked quietly.

"Doubt it, luv. Bit messy with the slayer there and all," Spike shrugged, not wanting to deal with Buffy and the aftermath of their affair anymore than he wanted to be so close to Willow without being able to touch her.

"Yeah, I guess so," Willow said, hating the flash of jealousy that went through her as she remembered that he'd just ended a sexual fling with her best friend. She knew she was a hypocrite, knew she had no reason to be angry or jealous since she, herself, had been involved in a serious relationship for years while Spike's fling with Buffy had only consisted of sex over a few weeks, but she was jealous. She was also angry. Not at Buffy or even really at Spike because he'd only followed her example. No, she wasn't mad at them, she was angry with herself. She was mad that she hadn't been brave enough all those years ago to begin something real with Spike, mad that she'd run into Tara's arms when she felt herself starting to fall in love with Spike, mad that she'd hurt Tara because she was selfish and hadn't been able to love the woman the way she deserved, mad that she'd hurt Spike and herself for not admitting that she loved him and wanted more from the start. She sighed softly as she admitted, "I miss you when you're not there."

Spike was surprised at her words, but pleased. A small smile crossed his handsome face as he said, "I may drop by for a few minutes, just to check on things."

A smile crossed Willow's face as she looked at him, "That would be nice. I really need to go if I want to be at the school before Dawn gets out of class."

"Get going then, luv. Can't have Niblet waiting. She's an impatient little thing," Spike smiled as he moved closer to Willow. His hand moved to brush against her cheek before he leaned over and caught her lips in a gentle kiss.

Willow kissed Spike back, her hand moving to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. Reluctantly, they both pulled back. The pretty redhead moved her arms around her lover as she hugged him tightly, leaning up to whisper in his ear, "buttercup," before she brushed her lips against his neck. Finally, she let him go. She picked up her bag and was out of the room before he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. It was only after she had left the crypt and was in the sunlight that she let the tears fall. She knew that she loved Spike more than she had ever imagined being able to love anyone, knew that he made her feel things she'd never felt, knew that she felt complete when she was with him. She just didn't know why loving him had to hurt so much.

********************

"And Mrs. Gray said that I had an interesting perspective concerning the Salem Witch Trials and that my essay was very informative," Dawn said, her eyes narrowing as she noticed that Willow was smiling and nodding but didn't appear to be listening to her at all. She smiled sweetly as she continued, "I then went out and stole a car and drove down to Mexico for lunch. When I was finished eating, I got a tattoo and my belly button pierced, then I bought a bottle of tequila and drank it down as I drove back to school."

"That's nice," Willow said as she continued to think about Spike and their relationship. She'd arrived at the school a few minutes before the bell, picking up Dawn and listening as the teen had immediately began to chatter about school and her friends. They'd gone to the diner and ordered and Dawn had kept talking and telling stories about her day at school. Eventually, Willow had turned her thoughts to Spike.

She was no closer to having any idea what to do about loving him and wanting to be with him without keeping it a secret and skulking around in the shadows to be with him. She was scared that she'd tell him she loved him and he'd either freak out and not feel the same way and she'd lose him or he'd laugh and not feel the same way and she'd lose him. Actually, pretty much every scenario she could come up with had him not feeling the same way and ended up with her losing him and being alone. While part of her thought he might love her, the insecure and frightened part seemed to have the loudest voice and that's the one she seemed to be listening to.

Dawn rolled her eyes at Willow's response, now having proof that the redhead wasn't listening to her at all. She'd been looking forward to their outing all week. She loved Willow, more than anyone except Buffy and just as much as she loved her sister. She enjoyed hanging out with Willow, thought of the redhead as a sister and friend. And she'd known that something was wrong as soon as she'd seen Willow leaning against the tree waiting for her after school. Willow had been crying. Sure, the tears were dry by the time Dawn joined her, but her eyes had been puffy and red. There had been tears and crying and Dawn had been worried that something was wrong. Willow had smiled and asked her how her day had been, though, acting as if nothing at all was wrong. Dawn had realized that whatever had caused the tears wasn't something that Willow wanted to talk about so she'd done her best to pretend she didn't notice. She'd started talking about school, causing Willow to laugh, and just kept talking because Willow seemed happier listening.

After their milk shakes had arrived, Dawn had realized that Willow didn't seem to be listening anymore. Dawn wished she knew what had caused Willow to cry because she'd have done her best to help fix whatever it was or at least tried to help if she could, but Willow hadn't said anything at all to give her an idea what it might have been. She knew that the redhead had been having a tough time lately, with all the magic stuff and Tara leaving and all that, so there was a chance that Willow had just had a good old-fashioned cry. But, most of that stuff happened weeks and weeks ago. Besides that, Willow had done fantastic with getting the magic control back and hadn't seem to really mind Tara leaving so Dawn didn't think any of that would cause tears during the middle of the afternoon. The most logical reason that Willow was crying wasn't something Dawn could talk about because she wasn't supposed to know.

"Wait, did you say you drove to Mexico?" Willow interrupted Dawn's thoughts as she realized what Dawn had said. She looked at the teen and arched a brow, "You don't have a driver's license, young lady."

"Okay, you're dwelling on that part and not the stealing the car or getting a tattoo or drinking alcohol?" Dawn asked with a smile.

"Oh, well, I would have gotten to those," Willow smiled sheepishly, "Fine, you caught me. I'm sorry, Dawny. I really was listening to you, I just got lost in thought there for a while."

"I forgive you," Dawn laughed, before she asked seriously, "is everything okay, Willow?"

"Better than it has been for a while," Willow replied honestly as she gave the teen a small smile.

"I'm glad," Dawn said, knowing that Willow was telling the truth. She decided to move on to a story about the idiot that had started a food fight during lunch because it would probably make Willow laugh and forget what had upset her earlier. Dawn had just finished the story about the food fight when she noticed Buffy and Anya walking towards them. She smiled as she greeted her sister, "Hey Buffy. What are you guys doing here?"

"Hi Dawn, Willow," Buffy smiled at the redhead before looking back at Dawn, "Dawn, Anya needs some help unloading a shipment. Would you mind going to the store and helping her?"

Dawn studied Buffy for a minute before slowing nodding her head. She didn't know what was happening, but she knew that her sister wanted her to go with Anya. Normally she'd be bratty and deliberately make it a problem, but Buffy seemed different, in a good way, and she thought that it would do Willow good to talk to someone and she knew that she was still too young for the redhead to share everything with her so Buffy was a good choice. She smiled at Willow and said, "I'm going to go help Anya. Thanks for the milk shake and the conversation. I really enjoyed it."

"Yeah, it was fun," Willow said with a smile before looking back at Anya and Buffy as she tried to figure out what was happening.

Dawn hugged Buffy and whispered, "She'd been crying when she picked me up from school so be nice," before pulling back and saying, "See ya later, Sis."

"Hi Willow. Bye Willow. I'll see you at the store later. Dawn, thank you for helping with the boxes," Anya said as she and the teen headed toward the exit, leaving Buffy alone with Willow.

Buffy slid into the booth that Dawn had just left and looked at Willow. She sighed, giving her best friend a soft smile as she said, "Willow, we need to talk."

********************

She'd been crying when she left. She hadn't looked at him, but he'd been able to smell the salty scent of tears as she'd walked away. Spike had taken a couple of steps in her direction, ready to hold her and ask why she was crying, but she'd been out the door and into the sunlight before he'd reached her. So, he was left alone in the crypt, not having any idea why she was crying but feeling as if somehow must be his fault and hating that he couldn't run after her and put his arms around her and just tell her how much he loved her. Instead, he kept himself busy.

He made the bed and straightened the crypt, though the latter didn't take nearly long enough. Once there was nothing left to move or fiddle with, he'd begun to pace, his mind on Willow and her tears and pretty much every thing that had happened to him since he'd arrived in Sunnydale nearly five years ago. His life now was nothing like he'd imagined it being back then. Hell, he'd come to the Hellmouth with the intention of saving Dru, killing Buffy, and making Angelus' life hell. He'd saved Dru, all right, just in time for that bastard to lose his soul and ruin all of Spike's plans. He'd had to play hero and help Buffy save the world, something that had cost him Drusilla but had done wonders in making Angelus' life hell, literally. That brought a bit of a smile to his face until he remembered that the brooding wanker hadn't stayed in hell nearly long enough.

Spike hated Sunnydale but he always seemed to end up coming back. When he'd wanted to win Drusilla back, he'd gotten into his car and driven, finding himself in Sunnydale before he ever even realized that was where he was headed. Why he'd had to go all the way to the Hellmouth to get a witch to perform a spell was something that must have made sense to him when he'd been drunk, but he'd just been confused about it all once he was sober. Either way, his actions had changed everything. He'd met Red. Oh, he'd seen her before, knew who she was, had heard Angelus talk about turning the shy little redhead. He'd watched her a few times, been intrigued by her innocence and her power, but his mind had been focused on Drusilla. He'd had the occasional dream about the redhead, blood and sex and screams that had left him hard and aching, but that was as far as it had gone.

Then he'd had to make the mistake of kidnapping her. He'd looked into her eyes and felt as if she could see traces of the man that he had once been, he'd been amazed at her compassion and her intelligence and how she'd been able to comfort him even as he was threatening to kill her stupid little friend. She'd smelled so good, the feel of her hands causing an awareness that he hadn't felt in longer than he could remember. He'd wanted to kiss her and shag her and never let her go. That's when he'd started to sober up, been frightened by his reaction to the innocent girl that called the slayer her best friend, and had reminded himself that he loved Drusilla and that his sire was the only one he should be having such thoughts about. He'd left her at the warehouse, gone back to Brazil and his sire, but the redhead had never quite left his mind this time.

Eventually, he'd realized that Drusilla was no longer making him happy, that he wasn't giving her what she seemed to need, and that it would be better if they just went their separate ways. He'd left South America and again ended up in Sunnydale. He'd been after the gem of Amara, having heard the stories about it and deciding that he was the man to find it. Another plan gone to hell. He'd had the entire fiasco with that damn ring, knowing that he could have left LA and gone anywhere but he'd again come back to Sunnydale. It hadn't been long before the initiative got him and gave him the implant.

He'd escaped, though, and ended up in Red's room. She'd looked even better than he remembered and she still smelled so good. He'd decided that he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, that he'd shag her this time and turn her and keep her with him for several eternities. As he'd made his offer, he'd looked into her eyes and seen her answer, seen the same flash of awareness, recognized the desire and confusion and need. That's when the pain struck and he'd ended up being consoled by her, fucking implant had ruined everything.

He'd waited a few days before he let himself get 'caught' by Buffy and the others. He'd not been able to get Willow out of his head, had needed to see her again, needed to be with her. He'd listened and watched, flirted with her every chance he got when they were alone, eventually been released by the watcher when it was determined that he wasn't a threat. He'd hung around, taking money for helping them, using every chance he got to be around her. She'd been strong, refusing to give in to the desire that he knew she felt, resisting his flirting and his seductive offers for pleasure until she hadn't been able to resist any longer. He could still remember their first night together, his eyes darkening as he remembered the taste of her lips and the feel of her hands as she'd undressed him. It had been rough and wild as they had finally lost control and given in to the need and lust.

********************

That had been the beginning of their relationship. They'd decided to use buttercup as a safe word when he'd been fulfilling one of her fantasies, but it had developed into something much more meaningful. It had become their code word, the only he needed to say when he called her to let her know that he needed her, the only thing she had to whisper to him to let him know that she wanted him, the only way that he could tell her he loved her without losing her. It had been going great, in his opinion. The sex was phenomenal and their relationship had been slowly moving beyond that.

Then she'd run out and met that Tara bitch and it had changed everything. He'd had to share her, had to sit back while she played house with someone else, had to watch them being all lovey dovey at research sessions. He'd decided that he could love someone else if she could and that had started the entire disaster that had been his crush on the slayer. It had received the reaction he had hoped from Willow, he'd seen her jealousy and knew that she was starting to understand what it felt like to watch someone you love being with someone else, but it hadn't done anything really except make them both even more miserable when they were apart.

By the time Buffy had died and been brought back, he'd moved past the games and had been ready to force Willow into making a choice between him and Tara. He never got the chance. Willow did her powerful spell and didn't tell him about it, never said a word about risking her life to bring back Buffy. He'd been so angry when he'd found out, not wanting to have anything to do with her. She hadn't trusted him, hadn't wanted him to be there for her during all that, hadn't been honest with him. He'd tried to stay away, but he couldn't. By that time, he'd had to admit that he loved her, that he could forgive her because she'd forgiven him for far worse deeds. Their relationship had continued, and he'd been delighted to notice that Tara was starting to pull away. It had started after Glory had gotten to her, but it was becoming much more clear that the blonde witch wanted out. Then Buffy had approached him and they'd fought and then they'd fucked. She needed him and, in some strange way, he'd needed her. When he'd told Willow about it, she'd accepted it but he'd been able to see that she wasn't okay with it. It hadn't been long before Tara finally left.

Spike knew he should have felt guilty for deliberately hurting Willow by sleeping with Buffy, for using the affair as a way to get her as emotionally screwed up as he'd been since she'd gotten involved with Tara, for pushing her until Tara could no longer pretend that everything was swell and that Willow really did love her even if the redhead was sleeping with him. He should feel guilty, but he didn't. He wanted Willow, wanted her to love him, wanted them to stop hiding in the shadows, wanted to be able to kiss her and touch her whenever he wanted. He was in love with her, but he was also a demon, and demons didn't really feel guilt that often. He'd been so caught up in trying to hurt her the way she'd hurt him by being with Tara, that he hadn't seen what was really happening. He hadn't meant to push her into darker magics as a way to feel some kind of control. She'd needed him and he'd been so busy playing games that he'd almost lost her.

The thing with Buffy had stopped. He'd been disgusted with himself, felt like the worst kind of bastard for letting himself be used for sex and for using Buffy to make Willow jealous. It had been a relief when the slayer had officially broken it off, though he'd made the expected comments of a dumped lover even as he was trying to figure out if Willow could ever love him and want to be with him publicly. Their relationship had stopped being about just sex years ago and he'd loved her for just as long, but could she love him the same way? Could she be with her friends and be honest with them about her feelings for Spike? He'd sat there lost in thought after Buffy had left, finally deciding that it was time for all the games to stop.

She'd stayed with him today, missed school to remain in his arms and in his bed. She'd looked at him with love in her eyes as she'd whispered buttercup before kissing him tenderly. They'd laid together and he'd told her his thoughts about getting a house where she would be comfortable and she'd snuggled closer and he had to believe that she felt the same way about him that he felt about her. He hadn't wanted her to leave before they had a chance to have a serious talk, before they discussed what was really happening and how it had all changed since that first kiss all those years ago.

She'd promised Dawn, though, so he'd let her go. But, she'd been crying and he didn't know why and it was making him crazy not knowing why she'd been upset. He thought it had all gone so well. Tara was out of the picture, his fling with Buffy was finished, he wanted to get them a house to begin their life together since there was nothing to interfere with them finally being together so he couldn't understand why she had been sad. He growled as he kicked his chair before continuing to pace.

A few minutes went by and Spike stopped pacing. His eyes narrowed as he looked towards his door, sniffing the air slightly. A frown crossed his face as he recognized the scent. In five steps, he was at his door. Opening it, he saw Xander standing there with a startled look on his face. Spike wasn't in the mood for company, especially not the moron, so he snarled, "What do you want?"

Xander had been surprised when the door had opened before he'd had a chance to knock. He'd been standing at Spike's door for a few minutes, trying to work up the nerve to knock, not really sure what he was going to say or why he was even there, so he wasn't expecting to be faced with Spike, who was obviously not in the best of moods. Taking a deep breath, Xander counted to ten as he let it out slowly, gathering his courage as he reminded himself why he had left work early and why he was now getting ready to have a little chat with his not so good friend Spike. He looked at the blond vampire and simply said, "Spike, we need to talk."

********************

"We need to talk?" Willow repeated as Buffy sat in the booth opposite her.

"How are you, Willow?" Buffy asked after she made herself comfortable. This wasn't going to be as easy as she had hoped. During her lunch with Anya and Xander, she had decided that it would be a good idea to sit down with her best friend and talk about everything. She thought that Willow might be more likely to admit her feelings for Spike if she knew that her friends supported her choice. Okay, so Xander hadn't believed her when she'd told them that she thought Spike loved Willow, but he'd at least agreed that he could accept a relationship between the witch and the vampire as long as Willow was happy.

Buffy had gone back to the store with Anya after they had taken Xander back to work, wanting some time to just think. A part of her knew that it wasn't any of her business what was going on between Willow and Spike. Heck, she had just ended a brief sexual fling with Spike that had happened during his relationship with Willow. That, in itself, still made her feel a bit guilty and a bit weird. She could have kept her mouth shut and just acted like she didn't know that Spike and Willow were involved. That's what a lot of people probably would have done in the same situation. It was what Xander had chosen to do when he'd caught Willow and Spike together. He'd chosen to ignore what he had seen because he believed that Willow had her reasons for keeping things a secret. Buffy couldn't blame him for his decision at all. She, too, believed that there must have been reasons her best friend felt a need to keep the relationship with Spike a secret.

If it had started when she and Anya suspected, shortly after Spike had escaped the Initiative, well, none of them would have handled it well. She knew that she wouldn't have been happy about it at all. Spike had been the enemy, plain and simple. She would have freaked out if she'd known her best friend was sleeping with the vampire. Had she known about it, she probably would have forced Willow into choosing between her friends and her lover. Willow hadn't wanted to make that choice so she'd kept a secret. Buffy still wasn't sure where and how Tara fit into everything, but Anya might have been right. Maybe the thing with Spike was just sex, in the beginning, and Willow had wanted to be loved and that's where Tara came into it. Buffy knew that Willow had cared about Tara, had no doubts that their relationship had been real and that it had meant a lot to her best friend. Looking back, though, she also believed that Willow had never really loved Tara. She'd loved her, like a friend and a companion and a lover, but the redhead had never really been in love with the witch. When Tara had left, Willow had seemed more relieved than upset.

Buffy could look back now, knowing what she knew, and see everything so clearly. She couldn't believe she'd never realized what was happening all along. Sure, she was a bit selfish, being an only child until just recently and being the slayer, well, she had developed a bit of a 'me, me, me' attitude over the years. She did often see things in relation to how they affected her and what they meant to her instead of seeing the whole picture. But, she'd been getting better about that before she had died. Following her mother's death, she'd been forced into letting go of the selfishness in order to take care of Dawn, in order to keep her friends alive and safe. She'd finally grown up, become the mature, well semi-mature, adult that was now sitting opposite Willow.

She was relieved that she had found out now instead of two years ago. So much had happened during that time that she was able to handle this situation much easier. She had gotten to know Spike, had been involved with him, had trusted him to take care of her sister and her friends when she'd died. She had seen his eyes, knew that he loved Willow in the way the redhead deserved to be loved. And Willow? She loved Willow so much, owed her life to the redhead. Not only for bringing her back recently, but so many other times when she'd felt like just giving up and her best friend had given her that extra strength she'd needed. Willow was the bravest person she knew, the strongest, the most deserving of happiness. It was for Willow that Buffy was now sitting here ready to have this talk. She could have ignored what she had seen, could have let Willow and Spike continue to carry on their affair in secret, could have watched them hurt themselves by not being together in the way that they both seemed to want to be, but she couldn't. Now that she knew, well, there would be no more secrets.

Willow was her best friend and deserved to have someone to hold her and love her. After everything he'd been through with Drusilla not to mention the way she, herself, had used him, Spike deserved to be loved by Willow. Buffy was aware that it would be a bit awkward to talk about this with Willow considering her own previous fling with Spike, but she could deal with the awkwardness if she was helping Willow. Buffy honestly didn't even know if this talk would matter, if it would help or end up just upsetting Willow, but she had to try. She had thought about everything at the store earlier, trying to figure out exactly what to say and how to help Willow understand that her friends loved her and just wanted to see her smiling and happy, but now all the words had left her mind. Once she'd looked into Willow's eyes, she'd forgotten everything she'd planned to say.

Willow had been crying and looked so sad and all Buffy wanted to do was hug her best friend and whisper that everything would be okay. She shook her head slightly, pulling herself from her thoughts as she gave Willow her attention. She wished she was better with words, wished that she knew what to say to make Willow relax and be honest and to just make it all better, but she had no idea the right thing to say. She was good at quips and sarcasm, but she had never been exceptionally great with serious talks. She had her moments, though, and she was hoping that this might be one of them. But, since she was still not sure what to say, she was now just hoping that she didn't say anything that upset Willow. Buffy felt Willow's eyes on her, giving the redhead a smile as she realized that she hadn't been listening because she'd been thinking. She'd thought enough today, she decided. It was now time to be Willow's best friend, to talk and to listen and to do her best to help make Willow happy.

********************

Willow studied Buffy silently, wondering what the blonde was thinking about so intently. She'd already answered the slayer's question, lying and saying that she was fine, but Buffy hadn't responded. Instead, the blonde had been thoughtful and quiet. Willow was more and more apprehensive as time passed, not used to Buffy being very quiet and definitely not used to Buffy being thoughtful. She saw Buffy smile and relaxed slightly, deciding that she was just overreacting. She smiled back as she repeated, "I'm fine, Buffy. How are you?"

"Well, not very good, honestly."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't really know what to say," Buffy said slowly, trying to figure out the best way to let Willow know she was aware of the relationship between her and Spike.

"Buffy, just tell me what's wrong," Willow said, worried that something had happened.

"You know that I love you, that you're my best friend," Buffy looked into Willow's green eyes and smiled, "that I want you to be happy more than just about anything in the world."

"I know," Willow nodded, giving Buffy a small smile, "I feel the same way. What does that have to do with what's wrong?"

"You can trust me, Willow," Buffy said softly, watching as Willow's smile faded. The redhead sat back, her eyes not leaving Buffy's as she continued, "You know that you can talk to me about anything and everything, just like I know I can talk to you. I might not have all the answers, but I'm getting to be a pretty good listener and I just don't want there to be any more secrets between us, Willow."

"Secrets?" Willow repeated quietly, seeing the sincerity in her best friend's eyes. For the millionth time since she had first kissed Spike all those years ago, she felt guilty for lying to her friends and for hiding her relationship with the vampire and for hurting Tara with her selfishness.

"No more secrets," Buffy said softly, moving to take Willow's hand as she squeezed it, "I'm here for you, Willow. Always."

Willow felt tears in the corners of her eyes as she felt Buffy squeeze her hand, as she heard her best friend's words. She whispered, "I'm so tired, Buffy."

"It's okay, honey," Buffy replied.

"It's not okay," Willow denied, the tears slowly starting to leave her eyes, "I'm so tired of hiding and sneaking and all the secrets and so many lies...I hurt Tara. I never meant to hurt her, but I did. I'm so confused, Buffy. I'm so tired and so confused."

"I'm here for you," Buffy repeated her earlier words, hating that she had made Willow cry. She'd never intended to make her best friend cry, but maybe Willow needed to cry. Maybe the redhead needed to just let it all out and just have someone listen.

"I lied to you, Buffy. I didn't go see Tara last night," Willow confessed, feeling her best friend squeeze her hand in silent support, giving her enough strength to be honest. She whispered, "I was with Spike last night. We've been involved for years and I'm so sorry that I've lied to you, but I didn't know how to tell you and I was scared that you wouldn't understand and that I'd lose all of you and I never meant for it to go on so long. Oh, God, I love him so much. I love Spike."

"I know," Buffy said softly, moving from her side of the booth to sit next to Willow. Finally, she could do what she had wanted to do since sitting down. She took her crying friend into her arms and hugged her, telling her, "It's going to be okay, Willow. It's all going to be okay."

Willow hugged Buffy back, not believing that she'd finally told someone about her affair with Spike, not believing that Buffy had handled it all so well. She didn't deserve Buffy to be comforting her, having lied to her friends for years, but she wasn't going to complain. It was as if a large weight had lifted from her shoulders when she'd admitted that she'd been with Spike, a feeling of relief washing over her as she was honest with her best friend, as the lying stopped and the secret was finally spoken.

********************

"We need to talk?" Spike repeated as the moron nervously stood by the door to his crypt. He snorted, "I don't think so, Chubs."

"I am *not* fat!" Xander protested as his hand moved over his stomach. He was about to respond with an insult when he caught himself. Shaking his head slightly, he said, "We need to talk."

"You've said that already," Spike rolled his eyes as he moved to sit on the alter, having to admit that he was a bit curious as to what would have brought Xander to his crypt in the middle of the afternoon.

"You know, this isn't very easy for me," Xander muttered as he walked into the crypt, his eyes looking around as he frowned. He ran a hand through his hair as he said, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Just spit it out, Moron," Spike suggested with a bored tone.

"It's about Willow," Xander said, looking at the blond vampire as he spoke.

"Red? What's happened to Red?" Spike demanded, the boredom and annoyance fading immediately as soon as he heard that Xander was there about Willow.

"God, she was right," Xander whispered as he saw Spike's reaction to Willow's name. The vampire's blue eyes were worried and it looked like he was getting more impatient the longer he had to wait to find out what was wrong with Willow.

"Who was right?" Spike asked, his eyes narrowing as he said, "Tell me what happened to Red, damn it. Is she okay?"

"Buffy was right," Xander said, hurriedly adding, "Willow is fine. I think she's having milk shakes with Dawn or talking to Buffy."

"She's not hurt?" Spike asked, wanting to make sure that his witch was safe and unharmed.

"She's hurting, but she's not physically hurt," Xander said, watching as Spike seemed to count to ten. He realized that he wasn't doing a very good job of this. Maybe he should have left well enough alone and just stayed at work. Willow was his best friend, though, and he wanted to see for himself if Spike really did love her the way she deserved before he supported a relationship between them.

"You know, I might have this implant to keep me from killing you, but I sure as hell could get a few good punches in before the pain caused me to stop," Spike said slowly, his eyes flashing yellow as he made sure that Xander understood his threat. He arched a brow as he asked again, "Is Willow okay? And none of those cryptic answers. Get enough of that from Gramps, don't need you doing it, too."

"I told you that she's okay," Xander said, moving a little closer to the door just in case he really screwed this up and Spike decided to test the limits of the chip.

"Then what the hell are you doing here, scaring me like that?" Spike snarled, running a hand over his face as he relaxed a little after realizing that Willow was okay.

"I had to see for myself if Buffy was right," Xander said truthfully. He smiled slightly as he said, "And she was. But, that means that she's also right about Willow hurting because of all of it, and that just has to stop. Willow's my best friend and I don't like to see her in pain."

"You said Red was okay," Spike growled, wishing he could just walk over there and hit the human until he got some answers that made sense. "And what do you mean the slayer was right? About what?"

"You see, I didn't really believe Buffy, because you're you. I mean, you're a vampire without a soul who has threatened us so many times I can't even count that high and I couldn't believe her until I saw it for myself. But, then I came in here and I could see it," Xander explained, thinking that maybe he'd been friends with Willow too long because it would appear that her habit of rambling when she was nervous had rubbed off on him sometime during their fifteen years of friendship.

"Enough!" Spike finally shouted, moving from the alter until he was standing in front of a scared but unmoving Xander. His eyes flashed yellow as he said, "Why is Willow in pain?"

"Because," Xander said slowly, "you're both too stupid to acknowledge that you're in love."

********************

"What?" Spike stepped back in surprise, blue eyes suddenly vulnerable as he tried to think of the words to deny Xander's confident statement.

"You love Willow," Xander said with a smile, "and she loves you. See, I knew that you two were, um, well, involved in an NC17ish way after I caught you together last year, but I never thought it meant more than that until I was talking to Buffy today. She seemed so convinced that you guys were in love and hurting yourselves because you kept it a secret instead of telling the world and having as normal a relationship a witch and a vampire could have. That's why I came here today, to talk to you. I wanted to see if you really loved Willow or if it was just sex. When I mentioned her name, well, you reacted the way that I would have if I thought Anya was in danger. You love her and I'm actually pretty cool with that."

"I don't," Spike turned away from Xander, not sure if he was understanding everything that had been said, wishing he could believe that Willow did love him, not sure what to say or how to react to the little bombshell that Xander had just dropped. He began to pace as he thought, stopping as he suddenly realized something Xander had said, "You saw me shagging Red last year and never said anything?"

Xander shrugged, a slight blush crossing his face as he said, "I tried to forget I'd seen it, honestly, and figured it was a one time thing since she was involved with Tara and you were all proclaiming love to Buffy. Your entire relationship is just a bit fucked up, you know? I don't get why Willow wasn't honest with us, sneaking around and keeping secrets and lying, but I trust her and I know she must have had her reasons. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. It's time to stop hiding and hurting yourselves."

"Wait, the slayer is the one that told you?" Spike shook his head, saying, "No, this is some joke, right? You come in here and tell me Red loves me and try to get me to say I love her so you can tell me that I don't deserve her and that she's too good for me and then you run back to the slayer and have a good laugh."

"It's not a joke," Xander said quietly, watching Spike and realizing that maybe the blond wasn't nearly as arrogant and confident as he liked to pretend. He was seeing glimpses of the real Spike, he realized, a vulnerability and insecurity that helped him to see what Willow had fallen in love with him.

"But you think she deserves better," Spike said, having thought the same thing so often since he'd become involved with Willow.

"I think that Willow deserves someone that loves her completely and takes care of her and gives her what she needs to be happy," Xander said, "I think that Willow deserves you, Spike, just as you deserve her. I may not like you very much, but I know love when I see it. You love her, in a forever after kind of way that really does take on new meaning when I remember that you're a vampire and I think I'm going to stop thinking about that right now and focus on making you realize that you need to tell her how you feel and stop sneaking off into the shadows to be with her because you're both just hurting and I hate to see my friends in pain!"

"When did you get so mature?" Spike asked after a moment of silence, his blue eyes studying the face of the moron that had never seemed smart enough to know to come in out of the rain but that was now giving him advice that he hated to admit made a lot of sense.

"Mature? Me?" Xander stopped for a second to smile a crooked smile, "Man, that's kind of cool. I guess you do get smarter as you get older."

"Never said you were smart, Moron," Spike muttered, wondering if Willow did love him. Should he take a chance and admit his feelings to her? Was she hurting because they were sneaking around rather than going public with their relationship? She'd always been scared that she'd lose her friends if they knew the truth, yet here was Xander in his crypt urging him to make a move rather than risk hurting her even more. And Buffy knew that he and Willow were involved, which was a bit awkward considering his just ended affair with the blonde slayer, and she was the one pointing out their feelings to Xander. It seemed that her friends were accepting of the relationship. He was scared, though, if he were completely honest. What if he admitted that he loved her and she didn't feel the same way? No, he knew that she cared about him. He'd begun to suspect that she might love him, too, but he hadn't tried to get her to admit her feelings for fear that he might end up losing her.

"So, are you going to finally tell her how you feel?" Xander asked with curiosity in his brown eyes. He hoped that Buffy was having an easier time talking to Willow about it all. It wasn't like he and Spike were friends, barely tolerating each other most the time, so it was a bit surreal to be standing here and offering love advice and talking about something so important. For Willow, though, he would do anything.

"Do you," Spike hesitated asking, blue eyes looking at the floor as he gathered his thoughts, finally looking up and finishing his question, "do you think she loves me as much as I love her, Xander?"

"You called me Xander," Xander said in shock, shaking his head slightly before he smiled and answered Spike's question, "I think she loves you more. So, no more hiding?"

"She couldn't love me more that I love her, Moron," Spike smiled slowly, nodding as he said, "I'll talk to her tonight."

"Great!" Xander said sincerely. Buffy had been right. Spike and Willow, it made sense. He smiled, "I've got my car outside. I can drive us to the store as soon as the sun sets."

"You know, this doesn't mean that I like you or that we're friends," Spike told Xander with his trademark sarcasm as he moved to sit on the alter to wait for the sun to go down so that he could talk to Willow.

"Of course not," Xander moved to sit down to wait for it to be time to leave, which wouldn't be much longer now.

"Chubs," Spike said.

"Fangless?" Xander responded as he made himself comfortable.

"Thanks."

********************

Willow didn't know if she could do it. She looked at the clock that was hanging above the counter, seeing that it was nearly seven. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she thought about the events of the last few hours. She had told Buffy about Spike, being completely honest with her best friend about the entire relationship. She had been surprised that Buffy had taken it all so well, having expected the slayer to be upset and angry. Her best friend had just listened, letting her get it all out. When she'd finished crying, the blonde had asked her the all important question, why?

Willow had explained about the beginning of the relationship, about it just being sex and nothing else. She'd been honest about Tara and the feelings she'd had for her ex-lover. She'd also admitted to Buffy when she'd begun to feel more than just lust for Spike, about how confused she had been and how scared. Buffy had seemed to understand, not pressuring her into talking or asking too many questions. In the end, Willow had to admit that she'd underestimated her best friend. Buffy had apologized for her affair with Spike, something that Willow had dismissed as just one of those things that happened. It wasn't like Buffy knew about the redhead's involvement with the vampire and it wasn't like she and Spike were a couple, so there wasn't really any need to place blame or apologize.

When Buffy had mentioned Spike's love for her, Willow had been lost in a land of denial. She'd refused to believe that the gorgeous blond had feelings for her that went beyond sex and friendship. Buffy had insisted, admitting to having overheard their conversation earlier and pointing out their words and actions to support her theory that Spike loved Willow. After a while, the redhead had stopped being so stubborn and had started to give it some serious thought. Could Spike love her? She had begun to see evidence that such a claim might be true. There was jealousy and lust and affection and all the things that made a relationship something other than just sex. The way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way he held her, the way he spoke to her, the way his eyes would follow her every move, the way he was so jealous of the time she'd spent with Tara, the way he was so angry that she hadn't told him her plans to bring back Buffy, the way he kept trying to get them caught so that she'd have to break up with Tara, the way he smiled at her after they'd both found release, the way he'd kiss her so softly and tenderly...Spike loved her.

So, now, Willow was at the store waiting for him to arrive. She was nervous and worried and trying to find every bit of courage that she possessed. When Spike got there, she was going to talk to him. She was going to tell him that she loved him and that she was sick of sneaking around and that she wanted everyone to know that he was hers and she was his. She just hoped that her conclusions were accurate and that he did feel the same way about her because she couldn't stand the thought of losing him. Anya was talking to Buffy, probably getting filled in on their earlier conversation. Buffy had surprised Willow even more when she'd admitted that Xander had caught the redhead shagging the vampire last summer and that Anya had also caught them in the alley.

Willow had been rather embarrassed at the knowledge that two of her friends had caught her and Spike having sex, three if you counted Buffy's observance at the crypt that morning. When they'd gotten to the store, Willow had been surprised again when Dawn had excitedly asked if she and Spike were going to be a couple finally. It would appear that the teenager had noticed several glances and touches as well as a kiss and figured out something was happening months ago. Willow had thought they were doing so well hiding the relationship, but, apparently, she had been wrong. Everyone knew. And they were okay with it. In fact, Dawn seemed majorly happy and Buffy, who had more reason than any to be upset and angry, was pushing her into finally admitting her feelings to Spike so that she could be happy.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even realize that it was dusk until the door opened. She felt him, looking up in time to see Spike walking inside behind Xander. Her eyes met his and her breath caught. Distantly, she heard Xander greet her but she was too focused on Spike to say anything to her old friend. She stood up, her eyes never leaving Spike's. Moving towards him, she said quietly, "We need to talk, Spike."

"I think we've spent too much time talking, Willow," Spike responded as he saw the love and fear in her eyes. She loved him. His insecurity faded and he smiled. He raised his hand to touch her cheek, love in his eyes as he whispered, "Buttercup."

"I want the words, Spike," Willow said softly, not sure if this was really happening or if she was just daydreaming while waiting for him to arrive. She felt his fingers brush against her face, her body reacting to his touch, realizing that it was real. Her thoughts of having a talk about their relationship weren't going to be necessary. He was right. They had spent enough time talking.

"I love you, Willow," Spike whispered, not caring that they had an audience, not caring who heard him confess his feelings for his redhead.

"I love you, too, Spike," Willow smiled as she lifted her head to brush her lips against his. The kiss deepened as he pulled her against him, his hand moving down to caress her butt as his tongue claimed her mouth.

********************

"It's better than a movie," Dawn sighed, a happy smile on the teen's face as she watched her two favorite people kiss.

"All I can say is it's about time," Anya muttered, though she was smiling as she watched the redhead and vampire finally admit their feelings and bring their relationship out of the shadows.

"He really does love her," Xander told Buffy quietly, sharing a smile with the slayer. "He's going to make her happy in a forever kind of way."

"Yeah, he is," Buffy nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She didn't feel nearly as weird as she'd figured she would, considering she'd just dumped Spike the night before. As it was, their fling seemed like something in the distant past. She felt rather proud of herself for interfering and finally getting Willow and Spike to be honest about what they felt. Okay, so it turned out that she was the last to know. In this case, she was glad because she was able to handle it all much better than she could have years ago. Now, she could see that Spike had the capacity to love and that he cared about Willow in a way that the redhead deserved to be loved. She could accept their relationship and be happy that they were happy. Her hazel eyes watched Spike's hand drift along Willow's butt, widening as she realized that their kiss was becoming a bit more than romantic and loving. She cleared her throat, stepping forward as she said loudly, "Guys, I, for one, am thrilled that you're in love and involved and all, but watch the hands. Dawn isn't old enough to see that stuff!"

"Bugger off, slayer," Spike said as he released Willow's lips, his blue eyes shining with happiness as he glared at Buffy.

"Be nice, Spike," Willow scolded him playfully as she moved her hand down his chest, and leaned up to whisper in his ear, "at least, until we leave here. Then, well, I always like it when you get naughty."

"Tease," Spike muttered before he caught her lips in another kiss.

"Okay, I'm all for happy Willow, but are these PDAs going to become routine?" Xander whined.

"Oh, hush. I think it's so romantic," Dawn said with another sigh.

"Hands!" Buffy warned as Willow's hand drifted across Spike's butt. She rolled her eyes, wondering how she had never seen their feelings for each other. Anya was right. Their attraction was practically visible. She must have been blind to have missed it.

"Buffy, leave them alone," Anya said, "they've just admitted that they're in love and they finally won't have to have sex in dirty alleys or that nasty old crypt so let them enjoy the moment."

"Thanks, Anya," Willow said as she pulled back from the kiss to smile at the ex-demon.

"Not a problem," Anya smiled at the redhead before leering playfully, "but I do expect details at a later date."

"Bloody hell," Spike rolled his eyes, deciding that he'd prefer to kiss Willow than listen to her annoying little friends, even if said annoying little friends were partially responsible for helping push them into admitting how they felt. He gave Willow his sexiest smile and purred, "Can we leave now, luv? I recall you mentioning something about being naughty."

"Buttercup," Willow said huskily, scolding him as she said, "stop being so tempting. You know we've got to help with research and then patrol. After that, we can be naughty."

"But I want to be naughty now, Red," he whined as he moved her closer to him, his hand moving across her back.

"Later," Willow promised before she kissed him tenderly. Pulling back, she reminded him, "I'm yours, Spike, forever. Now quit being so silly and come sit down beside me."

"Silly? I am not silly, Red," Spike defended as he allowed her to pull him towards the table where the others had taken a seat. He sat beside her, now having the freedom to touch her and just look at her without having to worry about being caught. A smile crossed his face as he played with her hair, watching as she opened a book before leaning against him. She was right, he decided. There was no need to rush anymore. After all, they had an eternity together. He brushed his lips against her cheek and whispered in her ear, "Buttercup."

Willow snuggled closer to him, smiling as she said, "I love you, too, Spike."

THE END