Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Willow stretched as she got out of bed. Her green eyes moved to the empty space of bed beside where she had slept, noticing the indention in the pillow. That was the only trace that Spike had actually been there, that he hadn't just been a dream. She ran a hand over her face as she walked to the bathroom. She was so confused. She had no idea what was happening between her and the blonde vampire, if there was really anything happening at all. Right now, it had been sex. Truly mind blowing, fantastic, satisfying sex, but just sex. Five nights of sex, with him waking her from her dreams. Ha, who was she kidding? She hadn't been able to sleep since that Sunday night that she had blurred her dream with reality. She kept laying awake hoping, praying that he would come in and take her away from this lonely room, even for just a few hours. And every night that's exactly what he had done.

They had not spoken at all since their affair had started. Affair? Was that the right word? She'd always thought an affair centered around extreme emotions, love and lust that swept a couple away. True, she and Spike seemed to have the lust in spades, but that was it. The year before, in between Oz leaving and finding Tara, they had even begun to be friends of sorts, but for some reason he'd pushed her away. She knew part of it was the implant, but there had to have been something else. And he had hated Tara. Always growling at her lover and glaring at her. Enough so that the blonde had felt scared of him. Yet another piece in the puzzling mystery that was Spike. She would never understand him, even if she really wanted to, which she wasn't sure about.

It was becoming increasingly difficult though. Knowing that he might come to her but that he might not. The fear (yes, it was fear) that he wouldn't. She was starting to depend on their nights together. He made her feel wanted again, made her feel like a desirable woman, as clichéd as that might sound. She'd been hurt so much the past year that it felt nice to have something physical without the emotional involvement. Hell, without involvement of any kind. They weren't even friends sharing their bodies. They were acquaintances, both lonely and needing what the other could provide. Yeah, that's all it was.

She wasn't sure how she was supposed to act though. In her room, it was about not thinking, it was about feeling. It was about simply taking what they wanted, enjoying the sins of the flesh so to speak. That's all it is, she told herself. Simple enjoyment of mutual unexplained lust. The problem was that they didn't just exist in her bedroom. They had research sessions, like the other night. She had ignored him, not wanting anyone to see the truth on her face. She just knew that Buffy or the others would see her looking at Spike and know what they had been doing at night. She wasn't sure herself, so how was she supposed to explain it to anyone else? She had just lost Tara a month ago, now she was shagging Spike like some wild wanton hussy. She didn't know anything anymore. It was all too confusing.

Sure, she'd had a crush on Spike. What normal female wouldn't? Those cheekbones, those eyes, that ass, that voice. The entire package was devastating. But, it had just been a crush. It had faded with time, just like the one she had had on Xander. It was definitely not the reason she had fallen into bed with him so easily. Nope, not at all. Those feelings had been gone for months, since she had met Tara. She also had to admit to being a bit disgusted with him for falling for Buffy. She had thought that he was different, somehow immune to the slayer's obvious charms. It had been a harsh lesson in reality to learn that he was not, that he was a typical man that fell for the tight skirts and big boobs. Not that she blamed Buffy. She knew her best friend had no idea the effect she had on men, would probably laugh it off if Willow ever told her. And, it would appear that Spike had moved past Buffy. Willow knew she would have said no if there had been any doubts in her mind that he still had feelings for Buffy. She honestly believed that whatever he had felt for the slayer had gone away, faded, that he'd regained his sanity, whatever word best suited the situation she guessed. She began to brush her teeth, realizing that she was nude. Good thing Buffy had stumbled in for some reason. She might have shocked her best friend. She finished brushing her teeth and studied the bite mark on her neck. It was very deep, Spike always choosing the exact same spot to bite after their coupling. It had stopped hurting when he bit her, her body growing accustomed to the slight pain. She sighed as she wet a rag and wiped the dried blood from the mark. When it was clean, it didn't look nearly as bad. Two teeth marks and pink flesh. Shaking her head, she left her bathroom and pulled out a T-shirt and an old pair of boxers. She got dressed, making sure that the bite mark was concealed by the collar of her shirt, and headed downstairs for some cereal. She didn't have classes today and had made plans with Buffy and Dawn to go shopping.