Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Spike woke to find the bed empty. His demon emerged as he looked around the room and saw no sign of Willow. The door was open slightly, letting in a thin ray of sunlight. He got out of bed and looked at the clock. It was early morning. He noticed that a blanket was tacked up over the window. A piece of paper was on the table by the bed. SPIKE-----
I didn't want to wake you. I had to go to class. I'll be back this afternoon. Oh, Buffy wants me to help her pick out a dress to wear to Brian's party, so I might be in late. Remember: the Bronze-tonight.
Love, Willow

She didn't want to wake him? He crumpled the piece of paper and through it across the room. (I told her that I never wanted to wake up without her again. Did she think I was just talking to hear myself talk? School----she had to go to school.)

He took a few moments to calm himself. (Fuck) He went over and kicked the trash can across the room. He then started to pace back and forth in the small room, oblivious to his nudeness. She was his, not Buffy's. She would do nicely to remember that. He would just have to remind her....he sat back down on the bed and picked up the remote. He had to do something until she came back.

(What the bloody hell can I do?) Spike realized now why he slept during the day. There was nothing on the damn tele during the day. Those weepy soap operas...written for kids. In the day, they had been better. Dru had been addicted to one back in the 60s. He tried, but couldn't remember the name. She had thought the male lead had looked like "her" Angelus. Spike's lips turned into a sneer thinking about his sire.

(At least I don't have to worry about Willow comparing me to that poof. I will be her one and only lover.) He got up and started to look around the room. It was the first time he had been there alone. He studied the photos that were lined up neatly on the shelf. Red, the slayer and that moron.

(Slayer standing in front of my girl...hogging the attention as always...what the hell did Angelus ever see in her?)

Red as a child (she was even cute back then)

The moron again (what does she see in him?)

The wolf and Red at prom. (She was beautiful).

He went to her desk and opened the drawers. (What's this?) He pulled out a stack of thin journals. (Her diary.)

He debated reading them, but decided to put them back. As he reached to do so, the one on top slid to the ground. A piece of folded paper fell out of it. Spike leaned over and casually opened it. It was a sketch. A sketch of HIS Willow- nude. His hand started to shake in anger. He recognized the work of the artist. It had been drawn by Angelus.

Spike let the books fall from his hand. He got up and stood there, seething in anger. Angelus....again. He went to the shelf and picked up a photo of Willow. He stare at the picture trying to gather his thoughts. Angelus had drawn HIS mate nude. She hadn't been his mate at the time, but regardless, that bastard had seen her body. She had let him see her body. Spike threw the picture on the floor as hard as he could. The sound of breaking glass filled his ears. Blindly, he went and threw the other pictures on the floor. He then moved around the room kicking and breaking anything in his path. He was quite angry. He had let the demon take control. He had given his heart to her and this was how she repaid him. She must have been laughing the whole time.

(See Spike love me....see Spike obey me...That Bitch!) Spike finally took a moment to stop and think. When he calmed down, he decided that it didn't make sense. She had been a virgin. He could attest to that. She wasn't manipulative or deceitful. It wasn't in her nature. There had to be an explanation. Scowling, he looked around the room at the destruction he had caused. His eyes fell to the diaries laying beside the desk. They would be able to give him an answer. He needed to know before he saw her. In the state he was in, he would do whatever it took to show her that she was his and that he possessed her, body and soul. He didn't want to endanger their fledgling relationship by showing her that side of him yet. He moved over and picked up the diaries. It was the only way. He went back to the bed and sat down, ready to find out what the hell had happened between his love and that bastard.

**********

Willow was exhausted. She didn't know how she had made it through class without dropping. Now, she was waiting for Buffy. All she wanted to do was go back to her place and crawl under the covers with her boyfriend.

She frowned. (Boyfriend? That word didn't really fit Spike. He was definitely not a boy. My lover? )The words sent a shiver down her spine. She still remembered Drusilla's words. (I wonder if he will change like she said. I wonder if I would even care.)

She thought back over the last few months. She had seen him at his worst times. He could be particularly cruel when fighting. He seemed to enjoy it. His caustic comments could sting all the way down into your heart. Yet, he could smile once and you'd swear that your heart was going to stop. He was careful and gentle. He was such a contradiction. She wondered if she had seen the true Spike yet. Somehow, she felt in her heart, that she had not. She smiled. She'd love him regardless, she decided. I hope he feels comfortable enough soon to show me the whole man....

"What are you smiling about...as if I didn't know? Blond hair...blue eyes...fabulous cheekbones....nice, firm ass...."

"Buffy!" Willow looked up at her friend and smiled.

"Don't talk about his ass! It's mine. Now, lets go get you a dress."

"Oh...really? Yours? Quite possessive aren't we Wills?" Buffy kidded her friend. Suddenly she stopped and whined, "You mean, I can't even look?" Willow laughed and pulled her friend to the parking lot.

**********

Willow arrived home as the sun was setting. It had taken Buffy three hours to find the "Perfect Dress" for the party. It was much later than she had expected to get back. (I hope Spike is still here.)

She opened her door and stared into darkness. Her room was pitch black. Curiously, she stepped forward. She felt the door close behind her and found herself pushed back against it. Lips found hers in the darkness.

(Spike) she recognized. She let the fear leave her body. His kiss was demanding, almost punishing. She felt herself growing wet. His hands moved her arms into a position above her head. His left hand held her wrists in a painful grip. His right hand moved down her body to the front of her shirt. She heard the material rip as he pulled it away from her. Her bra soon followed. His hand was on her breasts, kneading and scratching at them. She was almost relieved when his hand moved lower. He pushed her shorts down her body, his mouth never leaving hers. His left knew touched her core as he brought is leg up and pushed the shorts to the floor. Willow was having to try to gasp for air around his seeking tongue. She pulled back, hitting her head into the door as he ripped her panties from her. His fingers entered her, pushing deep. The scent of her arousal filled the air. He moved his lips from hers and began nipping across her face, making his way to her neck. His right hand went to her ass. He lifted her a bit and then entered her. His mouth bit into her neck, sucking and licking at the wound. He pounded into her relentlessly. His hand moved back to her breasts, claiming them. Willow felt herself start to move to meet his thrusts. His left hand still held her wrists above her head. They came together as his mouth once again caught hers in a possessive kiss.

"Mine!" he said before letting her go and walking away.

Willow slowly slid down the door until she was sitting on the floor. She was trying to figure out what had just happened. The room was so dark. She couldn't see him.

"Spike?" her voice was husky and questioning.

"You know Luv. I found the most interesting thing today. I tried to get some answers, but couldn't find one. So, why don't you tell me about it."

Willow slowly nodded, knowing he could see her very well in the darkness. "What?"

"I found the sketch pet. You know...the sketch of you nude. The damn sketch that was drawn by that bastard of a sire of mine. That sketch luv."

"Oh Goddess....no."

"Yes."

Willow pulled her knees up to her chest, her arms going around them. "Please....." Willow pleaded.

"Tell. Me. About. That. Sketch." Spike demanded, anger enunciating each word.

Willow took several deep breaths. She was now glad that the room was dark. "Promise me that you will never repeat what I am about to tell you." She quietly demanded.

"I don't think you are in any position to force me to make a promise." Spike said cockily. "PROMISE!" "Yeah...sure pet. I won't air your dirty laundry."

He lit a cigarette. Willow closed her eyes and began, "I had forgotten most of it. It took awhile, but eventually I was able to sleep at night. You know about Angel and Buffy. After Angelus was back, he tried to kill me. I could feel him watching me all the time. You know, ultimate revenge for Buffy: Kill her best friend and make sure she knows it is her fault. That is how it started. I was scared. I couldn't tell Buffy. She had so much to worry about. After Miss Calendar, I realized that I was going to die. I actually came to terms with that. I couldn't really fight him...he was Angelus. It was after this that things changed. He was still always there, but it was different. He started leaving me things... presents... outside my window. He killed a vampire that had be cornered in the cemetery. I didn't know what kind of game he was playing. He ...ummm...trapped me one night in an alley. He wanted to talk. He told me that I was his...that he had claimed me. He wanted the slayer dead, and me by his side for eternity." Willow paused a moment.

Spike could feel the anger engulf him, anger at the idea of HIS Willow and that bloody bastard. He needed to hear the rest. He could feel his anger towards Willow going away with each word she spoke. He waited for her to continue.

"I realized that he had been playing with me. Before he left, he told me something. He said for me to seriously think about Miss Calendar. He knew she was trying to restore his soul, but that hadn't been why she had died. She had been a present...for me. Something to prove his devotion."

Willow felt the tears silently falling down her face. "It was then I knew I had to restore his soul. It was so selfish. It was never for Buffy. It was to save my life. As long he looked like Angel, she would never have been able to kill him. Besides, Angel wasn't the one who was doing it. It was all Angelus. So, I did what I needed to. The irony is that had it been you, I don't think I could have said No, even back then. The sketch had been one of the presents he had left for me. Something to make sure I knew how vulnerable I was...To remind me that he could claim me at anytime. Anyway, you know that he was sent to hell after his soul was returned. When he came back, he was Angel. He remembered all of it. I forgave him but made him promise to not to tell anyone, just to forget it had ever happened. Is that enough?"

"Why did you keep the sketch?" Willow felt embarrassment fill her. "It was the first time anyone found me desirable. The sketch showed me looking beautiful. I couldn't forget that, no matter how I tried." she whispered.

Spike reached over and turned on the lamp. Willow shielded her eyes as the room was bathed in light. She felt as though she had been through an emotional ringer. As her eyes became adjusted to the light, she noticed broken glass by her feet. Puzzled, she looked more closely. It was one of her photographs. She then noticed the rest of the room. Shock filled her. It looked as though a small tornado had torn through. (Or a pissed of vampire)

Shakily she stood surveying the damage. Her eyes immediately sought out her computer. It was in one piece. She looked to find Spike watching her carefully. Her expression showed sadness and acceptance.

Then, she caught sight of her diaries laying open on her bed. Spike followed her gaze. "I tried to find the answer. I was hoping to find something." He explained.

"You read my diaries?" She whispered.

"I was bored. I had all these thoughts of you and that bastard. I had to know I was wrong." He defended his actions.

"That's all you care about! That you were first. That I belong to only you! Those are my private thoughts and feelings. Fuck, Spike. I could accept that you wrecked my room. You are a demon. I can even accept the need to possess me. You did feel threatened. But you had NO right to read my diaries! "

Spike looked at her. Her lips were swollen, the bottom one bleeding just a bit. Her shirt was torn down the middle, barely hanging around her. Her breasts had scratches and bites. Her arms and wrists were all ready bruising. He could see his mark on her neck. (She is mine.) He felt a wave disgust at his treatment of her. She stood there radiating an anger that completely justified, and all he could think about was taking her and claiming her again.

"Get dressed and get out." The words were calmly spoken.

Spike looked at her in surprise. His eyes reflecting pain and remorse. "I'm sorry Pet. I overreacted."

"Get. Out . Of . My. House." Willow turned and went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Spike couldn't move. He felt an ache shoot through his body. (NO! I can't lose her! What have I done?) He got dressed and started to leave. He had to give her time. Time to let her realize that he had only been mad because he loved her so much he hadn't wanted to share. He wasn't good enough for her. She deserved so much better. (I won't lose her) He heard her through the bathroom door. She was crying. He went to the phone and took an unnecessary breath. He dialed the number.

"Hello"

"Willow needs you. NOW!"

He hung up the phone and took one last regretful look around the room.

"I'm sorry Willow." He whispered and then left.

**********

Buffy put the phone down carefully. She grabbed her purse and left to go to her best friend. Her mind wondering what had happened.