Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Willow's POV

Oz is dead.

Those three words completely changed my life. I can remember Buffy's face when she told me. The regret and the guilt. The pain and the sympathy. Oz was my first love. The one man that had really seen me. He left me in November...broke my heart. I honestly didn't think I would ever get over him.

I learned that life goes on. I did get over him, eventually. Made new friends...had old ones that helped me through it all. I didn't date. He was my love. No other man could ever replace him. I always knew he would come back to me. We were soulmates.

Last month, he came back. The strange thing was that I no longer felt that love for him. It was as though his absence had made me grow up, in a way. I still cared for him. He would always remain my first love. We tried again. I knew that it wouldn't work, but for him I had to try. Then, last week, Buffy had come by.

She had been out with Riley and his boys. They had come across a werewolf eating a Senior. Without thinking, she had killed it....only to find out that it was Oz. My Oz. I know she wouldn't take it back, not that I blame her. He had let himself go. He knew what would happen. He wouldn't have lived with himself had he survived to find out he was a murderer. But, it hurt.

My best friend killed my boyfriend. Sounds so clichéd when I think about it. I love Buffy, truly I do. I can even forgive her because she was only doing her chosen duty. But I can't forget. No matter how hard I try, I can't. Now that Oz is gone, I don't know what to do. I know, deep down, that it wasn't going to work out between us. But, I don't have a chance to find out now. I see him everywhere I go. The places we liked to sit. The places we went. He won't come back this time. I'm alone.

So, I decided to leave Sunnydale. I had to get away. Take some time to find myself. Discover who I was. I realized that I've never been true to myself. Most everything I've done was for other people. No more. When I told them I was leaving, they went into denial. They wanted to argue and say I was overreacting. They couldn't understand. They all have their own lives. Hell, they got tired of my moping when he left the first time. How could they understand this? Only Spike accepted it.

Spike. Thinking of him makes me smile. My one true friend through it all. Still surprises me. When he heard my news, he simply nodded in understanding and asked if I needed help in packing. He knows what I am going through. His love for Drusilla still astounds me. He would take her back in a heartbeat if she asked. That is the kind of love I wish I had. Maybe I would have....with Oz. I will never know now.

I see the darkness as the bus moves. I have no idea where I am going. No, that isn't true. I have an idea...so many ideas. I don't know if it is right....I don't know which I will choose. It isn't Sunnydale though. It has to better than that. Will I ever go back to Sunnydale? I'm sure I will...when it no longer hurts. If Buffy needs me, I'd be there for her....not matter what she did. We're best friends.

They still don't believe I'll stay away. Xander and Buffy both act as though I'm taking a short vacation. Anya doesn't care nor does Riley. Giles is sad, but he doesn't say anything. Spike just hugged me and told me to keep in touch. He knows. I see it in his eyes. I won't be back. It just hurts too much. I have to move on. Find a life for myself on my own terms. I wonder if this bus will ever stop. I'm ready to start.

**********

September 2006

"Damn it to hell" Spike said, jumping back from the glaring sun. He scowled at his sire's laughter. "Sod off you bloody wanker."

Angel shook his head at his childe's antics. It had been six years since Spike had moved in with him. Six years since the blonde had left Sunnydale, implant still intact. Angel still couldn't believe they had become friends and roommates over the years. He knew why Spike had moved to L.A. Hell, any idiot could see it in those blue eyes.

"Watch the sun, Spike."

Spike glared at his sire and cursed under his breath. He sat down, his eyes falling on a picture on his desk. He smiled slightly. It was wedding picture. A ceremony had been performed outdoors four years before. He had been the man of honor for Willow, seeing as she had no other friends besides him and Angel. Angel had been best man. He kept his eyes on the redhead, still feeling such love at just the sight of her. Bloody hell, he was getting more and more like his sire every day.

"Spike. Put the picture down" Angel said softly.

Spike laughed suddenly, "What a pair we make."

"I know" Angel said, making a face and thinking of the one who had somehow stolen heart away from the slayer. "We both love one we can't have. Fate is a bitch."

Spike put the picture down, deciding to call Willow and ask her out to dinner. "Definitely a bitch. I think I'll ask Red out for dinner."

Angel sighed, "Do you think that is wise?"

"What? Just because I love her I can't be her friend?"

"Just don't set yourself up for a hurt." Angel warned.

Spike smiled, "You have to take chances, Peaches. Thought you knew that by now."

Angel just shook his head as his childe dialed. Chances? He never took chances.

****************

"Ok. That sounds like fun, Spike. I'll see you tonight. Bye now" Willow hung up and smiled as she felt a mouth on her foot. Looking down, she licked her lips. "Spike wants to take me out for dinner."

A laugh from the foot of the bed, "He loves you, you know. Should I be jealous?"

"No. I love him. But I would never lose you. You are my life...my soulmate. Besides, you should talk. I could bring up a certain someone we both know and love that seems rather in love with you...."

"Don't. I am yours...always." The voice scolded as it moved up her legs.

Willow looked into the dark eyes of her husband, her mate, and smiled. So much had happened these last years. She hadn't been back to Sunnydale since Oz. Hadn't heard from Buffy or the others in five years. They had no idea where she was or what she was doing. Only Angel and Spike had been at the wedding. It had been an informal ceremony, not even really legal. More a ceremony for themselves than others. Just a way to prove their love and devotion.

She smiled as she felt lips touch her core. She brushed hair away and moved slightly, needing the touch. She couldn't believe how lucky she was. She had found her other half. The one person she had met that made her forget Oz. The only person who had understood what she had lost. She did love Spike and would hate not having him around, but she belonged to another. She came moaning loudly. Looking up, she kissed the soft lips of her husband...her wife...her mate.

"I love you Cordelia."

"Love you too my Willow" Cordelia said, tasting her mate's kiss.

**********

September 2006

Willow put the file in the cabinet and closed the drawer. Another case solved. The client had just left, happy with the results. She looked around the office and smiled. So much had happened the last six years. She had gone to LA. She hadn't even realized her decision until the bus had pulled up to the terminal.

Angel Investigations was now one of the most prestigious detective agencies in town. They no longer just catered only to cases of the supernatural, though that was their specialty. Angel and Spike surprisingly worked very well together. Cordelia ran the agency from the office and Willow pretty much helped all of them. She had used her computer skills to register all four of them as licensed detectives, which had helped a great deal. Angel's penance had been satisfied three years before, but they all found themselves enjoying their work.

She glanced at Spike and smiled. She knew he was in love with her. It had been rather shocking when he had come to LA. He hadn't known exactly where she was, but he had come to find her. It had been more shocking to him that she was already involved with Cordelia. Thinking of her mate, she had to laugh. They were a pair. It still surprised her that she was married, in a sense, to Cordelia Chase. No one back home would believe it. She didn't even believe it very often.

Angel was in love with Cordelia. Any idiot could see it in his dark brown eyes when he looked at her wife. What a bunch they were. She loved Spike, in her own way. If she hadn't found Cordelia, she knew that without a doubt she would be with him. They had a connection that they couldn't explain. As it was, they were best friends instead. Angel and Cordelia had a similar relationship. There were times she wondered what would happen if she and Cordy just took Spike and Angel and ravished their delectable bodies.

She shook her head, ridding her mind of that thought. She was happy with Cordelia. So very happy. She would never want to mess that up...no matter how much she found herself wanting Spike. Cordelia was the other half of her soul. They had so much in common, yet enough that wasn't to ensure a healthy relationship. They were good together. She had never felt happier, ever. With Cordelia's love, she had pushed Oz from her mind. She still resented that Buffy had killed him, but she knew it was an accident. Besides, Cordelia was her heart, not him.

She felt eyes on her, and looked up. She smiled at Spike as she broke herself free from her daze. "What?"

"Nothing" he said, his blue eyes roaming her face. He could see that she had been lost in her memories. "You're beautiful."

Willow blushed slightly, "Thanks." She pushed her hair back, still amazed that she had let it grow so long. Cordelia loved long hair. She did too, actually. It fell in deep red waves down her back now.

"Trying to hit on my woman, again?" Cordelia said teasingly from the doorway. She moved to Willow, their lips meeting in a kiss of greeting.

"What can I say? You leave her alone, I've got to try" Spike said, smiling at the brunette.

"Can't blame a man for trying" Cordelia said, noticing the look of longing in her lover's eyes.

She smiled softly. She knew that Willow had feelings for the blonde vampire. Hell, she herself had feelings for Angel. They had discussed it before, years earlier. She also knew that neither of them wanted to jeopardize their own relationship for those feelings.

"You ready, Will?"

"Yes, Delia. I'll see you tomorrow Spike" Willow moved to his side, kissing his cheek before taking her wife's hand.

The two girls left, talking softly. Spike put his hand to his cheek before smiling as the door closed.

**********

Cordelia wandered into the kitchen, smiling at her lover. "Good morning, sweets."

Willow looked up from the paper and smiled. She kissed Cordelia, tasting the minty mouthwash on the girl's tongue. "Good morning Delia."

"You hungry?" Cordelia asked, moving to take some bacon and eggs from the fridge.

"Sure. I'll make some toast." Willow said, putting the paper on the table.

Their routine was always the same on Sunday. It was their day to stay in and just enjoy each other. She usually woke earlier than her lover, so she'd read the paper or check her email while Cordelia slept. Breakfast would be made around ten when Cordy usually got up. They'd spend the remainder of the day talking and watching movies...just being together without interference. Willow loved Sundays.

"How many eggs, pet?" Cordelia asked, mimicking Spike's voice.

"Just one. Not that hungry, luv" Willow replied, moving in behind the girl. She kissed Cordelia's back as she reached for the bread.

"If you keep that up, we may not have breakfast for another hour" Cordelia warned playfully.

"Thanks for the warning...if we're doing that, I need some food for energy." Willow said, patting Cordelia's ass as she went by.

Cordelia laughed, "You're terrible, but I love you anyway."

"Same her, Princess." Willow said, using one of the nicknames Cordelia hated.

"Willow Anne Rosenberg Chase, I told you I hate that nickname!" Cordelia said, glaring at her lover.

"Yeah yeah yeah....I know. But it never fails to get such a great reaction" Willow said, smiling.

"Reaction? You want reaction? Why don't you tell me how long you've wanted to fuck Spike? Then we can talk reactions."

Willow looked at Cordelia and saw the curious look in her mate's eyes. She smiled wistfully, "Longer than you've wanted Angel, I'm sure."

"That long? Well, what do you think we should do about that?" Cordelia asked, breaking an egg into the pan.

Willow shrugged, "I dunno...maybe attack them both and have our wicked way with them?"

Cordelia laughed, "Bet they'd never forget that."

Willow put her hand on Cordelia's shoulder, causing her wife to look at her. "I'd never do anything without you there too. I mean, I want Spike...even love him. But I would never risk losing you."

"I know" Cordelia said, smiling softly and kissing Willow. "I feel the same way about Angel. I also have to admit that the idea of Spike nude and fucking you doesn't really turn me off...."

"You want Spike too? Horny little thing aren't you?" Willow said, smiling playfully.

"Like you wouldn't like to see Angel naked" Cordelia teased.

"Well the thought may have crossed my mind once or twice..." Willow drifted off, laughing suddenly. "The eggs are burning. Let's not talk about this anymore right now. Ok?"

"I agree. Today is our day. You finish the eggs and I'll start the bacon."

"Yes mistress" Willow said, bowing slightly. The girls looked at each other and started laughing.

***********

October 2006

"Do you think she'll like it?" Willow asked, showing the dress to Spike.

"She'll love the bloody thing. Can we leave now?" he whined. He hated shopping. Even with Willow, he hated shopping.

"Spike, I'm almost done. This is our fifth anniversary. I just want to buy her something very special."

Spike smiled at his love, "I think having you with her for five years is the best present she could have, luv."

Willow smiled at him, her eyes lingering on his face. She loved him so much. She remembered her and Cordelia's teasing a few days before. She almost wished that they had been serious. "Thank you Spike. But, Cordelia loves clothes. So, I must buy clothes."

"Silly chit" Spike said, knowing he would give anything to have Willow.

"That she is, but sshh...Don't tell her."

"Our secret" Spike said, enjoying watching her face. Maybe shopping wasn't so bad after all.

************

Cordelia looked at Angel as he sat on her bed. Visions went through her head, causing her to blush slightly.

"Delia?" Angel asked, seeing the desire in her eyes. For him. His cock hardened as he wondered if his dreams might finally come true.

"Angel....would you kiss me?" she asked. She and Willow had discussed the men in their lives. In fact, they had said they might have to seduce them. She was just getting a head start, she justified to herself.

"Gladly" Angel said softly, standing and kissing her. She sighed as she moved against him.

Cordelia pushed him back to the bed as her hands opened his shirt. Six years of lust and desire went through them as they hurriedly kissed and touched. Both of them had doubts flash through their minds, but passion overwhelmed them.

************

"I'm back" Willow called out, surprised to see the living room dark. She set her purchases down and smiled. Maybe Cordelia was surprising her. She crept into the bedroom, ready for whatever her lover had for her.

Willow opened the door, her face freezing. She watched as Cordelia screamed out Angel's name, her fingers digging deep into his pale back. Willow started to shake her head, not believing what she was seeing. Cordelia had cheated on her...in their bed. They had only been joking that day in the kitchen. They had joked about that for years.....She backed up, her eyes not leaving Cordelia's face as she came.

Willow turned and ran out of the house. She couldn't deal with this. Some part of her wondered if it wasn't partially her fault. But, she knew it wasn't. She could have had Spike anytime. Hell, even that night, she had been tempted. But, out of love for Cordelia, she hadn't. She loved Spike dearly, but she was in love with Delia. The only way she would have ever done anything with him would have been Delia was there too. No going behind anyone's back.

She drove her car to Spike's, knowing he was all she had. She stopped a stop light, knowing that was the wrong choice. In the frame of mind she was in, who was to say she wouldn't repeat Cordelia's treachery. No, she couldn't go to Spike. Not this time. She knew suddenly what she had to do. She had to go home...back to Sunnydale. She had to think about everything that was happening between her and Cordelia. She dried her eyes as she turned the car around, heading out of LA and towards Sunnydale.

**********

Spike knocked on the door, frowning when he saw the dark room. He opened the door and walked inside. Flipping the lights on, he saw the bags by the door. He heard a noise and smiled. They must be celebrating. Oh well, time for that to stop.

Spike moved to the bedroom, opening the door, "Get out of bed you two."

"Spike!" Cordelia yelped, pulling the sheet to her.

Spike froze, seeing his sire beside Cordelia. Anger ran through him. "You little slut. Where is she?"

"Is Willow with you?" Cordelia asked, fear in her heart. She couldn't lose Willow. Not for this. Damn it. Why had she let herself get carried away?

"I dropped her off a few hours ago." Spike said through clenched teeth.

"She must have seen us" Angel said, moving off the bed.

"No...she couldn't have...."

"Was this not ok with her?" Angel asked, staring in confusion at Cordelia. He had assumed that she and Willow had decided on this before Cordelia had asked him to kiss her.

"God I don't know....We talked about it. A lot. But we always said it would be open. Never behind the other ones back. She must hate me."

"If she doesn't I do" Spike said. "Damn it, Delia. She's yours. You know how badly I want her, yet I've never tried anything. You hurt her. I don't know why she didn't come to me...." Spike trailed off, anger again running through him. He moved quickly, hitting Angel across the face.

"What the fuck!" Angel cursed, rubbing his jaw.

"You knew better" Spike said simply, feeling a little better at having hit someone. He turned his blue eyes to the one he wanted to hit the most. "I can't believe you would risk everything with her for him."

"As if you would turn her down" Cordelia said, defensively.

"If it might hurt her, I would. Where the bloody hell is she?" Spike said, knowing he had to find her. He would talk to her...patch things up between her and Delia.

"I don't know" Cordelia said, beginning to cry. "I can't lose her. I love you Angel, but nothing like what I feel for her. Oh god, what have I done?"

"I've been asking myself that question for the last two hours" Willow said calmly from the door. "Still don't have an answer. Why don't you help me?"

"Willow" Spike said, moving to her side. "Are you ok?"

Willow smiled at him, ignoring Cordelia and Angel. "Well considering I walked in on the love of my life fucking someone else on our anniversary no less, things are pretty swell. How about you?"

"Wills" Cordelia started.

"Don't" Willow looked at her, her green eyes steady. She laughed harshly, "God Delia. I love you. More than anything. Do you think I couldn't have fucked Spike? I didn't because of you. Because of what I felt for you. I guess you didn't give me the same consideration."

"Stop it" Cordelia said sharply. "We agreed that it might be a possibility. If you didn't fuck Spike it was because you were scared. It wasn't because of me."

"Fuck you" Willow yelled, her eyes lit with anger. "Five years Delia. Was he worth it?"

"Don't do this....I didn't mean for it to happen. Damn it Willow. I love you. You're my life. Not him. Please...."

"I might be able to forgive but I can't forget Delia. We agreed if it happened with them that we'd both be present. You went behind my back. Do you know how it feels to walk in on something like this? I do. This is the second time. Is it me? I mean, it seems to be a trend. I can't keep anyone....."

"Is this about us or about him?" Cordelia asked, not wanting to say Oz's name.

"He's my past. I dealt with that a long time ago. I can't be here right now. I'm sorry." Willow looked at Spike. "Can I stay with you?"

"Willow! Don't leave me" Cordelia said, getting out of the bed. She touched her lover's arm.

Willow pulled her arm away. Looking at Cordelia, she smiled sadly, "Why? You couldn't wait? I would have let you have him if it made you happy. Now...I just have to go. I have to think about this."

"Forgive me. Please. I can't lose you" Cordelia begged.

"Give me time." Willow leaned forward and brushed a gentle kiss over Cordelia's mouth. She turned, tears in her eyes. "Spike. Can we go now?"

"Willow!" Cordelia called out, before falling to the floor. She felt arms go around her as she began to cry on Angel's shoulder. "Why? Why did I do it?" She asked over and over softly. Angel just picked her up and laid her on the bed, talking quietly to her until she fell asleep.

**********

Spike watched her, his face showing his concern. He could see how upset she was and wished he could fix things. It had felt good hitting Angel but it hadn't relieved very much of his anger. He still couldn't believe that they had both been so stupid. Poor Willow.

Willow looked at Spike, catching his eyes. She saw pity and love in the beautiful blue shade as he gazed at her. She did love him so much. There were even times over the last few years that she wished he had found her before Cordelia. She loved Cordelia with all her heart, but things hadn't been perfect between them the entire time. Having a relationship was trouble enough. Add into it the same sex factor and you just added more trouble. But, she wouldn't trade the last five years for anything. Not even for an easy life with Spike. Cordelia was her heart.

"You ok?" he asked softly.

She smiled, "Getting there. Thanks for letting me crash."

"Not a problem. I'm sure Peaches won't be home tonight...it's just us" he said, laying his head back.

Willow nodded, looking at the wall. "I wonder if she's ok."

Spike snorted, "I hope the little tart is suffering. Maybe that way she won't make the same mistake again."

"Yeah" Willow said, thinking. She put her arms around her, wishing she had never gone home early. Then she'd still be in an unaware cloud of happiness.

Spike sat up, his eyes falling to her. "You cold?"

"Just a little....mostly exhausted. It's been a hell of a day" she said, laughing lightly.

"Come on. You can have my bed. We'll get you tucked in nice and snug" Spike said, smiling at her.

Willow stood and followed him into the bedroom. She breathed in the scent of him and felt desire kick at her. She shook her head slightly, laying on the bed. She looked at him, "Hold me?"

Spike saw the trust and desire in her eyes. He counted to ten willing his erection to die down. He crawled into bed with her, taking her in his arms. Her scent washed over him as he held her until sleep claimed them both.

**********

Willow sat up, yawning. She looked beside her, seeing Spike's nude body. Memories of the night before washed over her. She didn't feel guilt. Instead, she felt as though everything had finally fallen into place.

It had been a week since she had walked in on Angel and Cordelia. Her lover called her daily trying to get her to meet her...to come home. She knew Cordelia regretted what she had done. Now, Willow felt guilty for pushing the issue. She would have to talk to her lover. Things had begun to change between them. She missed Delia, but now she wasn't sure that she could exist without Spike also.

She got out of bed, walking to the living room. The events of the night before played through her mind. It had just happened. She had never intended to have sex with Spike. It had been out of both of their control. She now understood what Delia had told her. They were all innocent in this. Too much emotion and desire had overwhelmed them.

She dialed the number, waiting to hear the soft voice. "Morning Delia."

"Willow? God. It's great to hear your voice" Cordelia said, smiling at Angel as Willow continued to talk.

"We need to talk" Willow said softly, her voice breaking slightly.

"You and Spike" Cordelia said quietly. She felt a rush of pain spread over her heart. She was going to lose Willow. It had all been her fault too. She couldn't even blame someone else this time.

"Yeah....I can't lose him Delia. BUT, I can't lose you either.....we need to talk" Willow said again, running a hand through her red hair.

"Same with Angel" Cordelia said softly, her eyes on the dark haired vampire. He had been great this last week. She couldn't imagine moving on with her life without him in it too.

Willow had to laugh, "We're quite a pair, aren't we? Can you two come over here after dusk?"

"We'll be there." Cordelia said, "I love you Will."

"Love you too Delia" she whispered before hanging up. She heard a noise behind her and turned. Seeing Spike watching her, she smiled slowly, "We're having company this evening."

Spike nodded, having heard her words. Relief went through him. He had feared that she would regret their love making. "This evening?"

She nodded, her eyes raking over him, "Why don't we go back to bed?'

He chuckled as he turned to go back into the bedroom. "I like the way you think, Red."

**********

Cordelia held Willow tightly to her. She kissed her face, pulling back and looking into her lover's green eyes. "I never want to go through this hell again."

"Me either. I missed you, Delia" Willow said, kissing Cordelia deeply.

Spike glanced at Angel and wondered if his face was a reflection of his sire's. Happiness for the girls but sadness for losing them again. He sat down, tapping his foot as the girls kissed.

Willow pulled back, looking towards Spike. She then glanced at Angel who had taken a seat in an armchair. She whispered in Cordelia's ear, "We need to talk, privately."

Cordelia nodded, not letting Willow go. She followed the redhead into the bedroom, smiling at Spike and Angel before she shut the door.

"Bloody marvelous" Spike said dryly.

Angel snorted, "Well, it was a fun week. At least we had them for that long."

*********

"Ahem" Willow cleared her throat, drawing both of their attention.

Spike let his gaze wander over her, noticing the half buttoned shirt and swollen lips. His cock swelled as he knew what she and Cordelia were doing the entire time. "Yes, pet?"

"We talked about it and came to a solution" Cordelia said, walking into the room. She sat down, pulling Willow onto her lap.

"A solution?" Angel said, confused.

"About us, silly" Willow said, smiling. She knew this was right. It was the only way. She just hoped the guys would go for it. "We want you both."

"Huh?" Spike said, looking at the mischievous smiles on the girls faces.

"We want you both to join us....one big happy family and all that" Cordelia said, her hand moving up Willow's leg.

"The four of us?" Angel repeated, making sure he had the right idea.

"Yes. Just the four of us. Make no mistakes, my first loyalty is to Delia. But, we think we can all have a very good time together. We do love you both." Willow said softly.

Spike leaned back, his mind a whirl of activity. He smiled suddenly, "I'm in."

Willow beamed, "You are?"

"Shared Willow is better than no Willow. At least, in my book it is" Spike said matter of factly.

"Angel?" Cordelia asked, her eyes nervous.

"Of course. I love all of you after all." Angel said, smiling slightly.

"Aw, Peaches. Didn't know you cared" Spike said, grinning at his sire.

"Well, most of the time" Angel remarked dryly.

"Good. It's settled. You boys can move in with us. We have the extra bedrooms and space." Willow said, her mind already planning the move.

"Will. Quit thinking. Let's celebrate" Delia said, kissing her lover.

Spike stood up, pulling his shirt of his head. "Celebrate. That's a good idea" he said, kneeling between Willow's legs. His mouth swooped down and claimed her breast. He heard her gasp and chuckled as he began to slowly tease her. Angel moved beside Cordelia, his hand kneading her breast as he kissed her neck.

"Love you Cordelia" Willow said, smiling, her hand on Spike's head pushing him closer to her.

"Love you too Red" Cordelia said, thankful to have her lover back in her arms. She knew now what Willow meant. This was right, the four of them. This was the beginning of a new future for them. They could move on and leave the past behind. She kissed Willow again, surrendering to Angel's caresses.



THE END