Inell's Fanfiction Archive

June 2006

The sunlight beamed into the large room. Its rays drifted over a wall of photographs that covered from mid wall to ceiling. The oldest photos showed two smiling children, heads bent together as they looked into the camera. The remainder of the photos tracked the little red haired girl and the brunette boy from the age of six to the most recent photos showing them around the age of twenty-six. As one follows the aging of the two friends, a gap is noticed from a high school graduation photo to one taken at least a year later. After that, there is never a span without a picture. After the first pictures showing only the laughing children, their duo is joined by a third, a boy with soft brown hair. A few years evidently pass before he is gone and replaced by a girl with blondish brown hair. Their trio then adds new faces and loses others until the pictures end with a recent photo of the redhead and the brunette at what is evidently a birthday party. They are smiling and laughing as they look into the camera.

Follow the wall of photos towards a bookcase. Numerous well-used books line its shelves. Dictionaries, thesaurus, a variety of books on every subject imaginable, and finally three large hardcovers by a Mr. A.L. Harris, the new rising horror writing of his generation. Mr. Harris had three best sellers in a row, all three currently holding positions on the New York Times Paperback top 20 listing. The titles Dead of Night, Nightfall, and Shades of Night showed a particular theme revolving around the central character to all three of Mr. Harris' novels, one Nick Night, demon hunter extraordinaire. Past the bookcase, a beautiful woman, clearly the girl in the time line of photos covering the wall, sat at a desk, piles of papers around her as she used a red pen on the text in front of her. A computer sat to the side, its screen black. Past her desk, directly facing it, was another desk. At this one, a handsome man sat staring at a computer screen that was white except for the few black letters that covered the top few lines. His eyes were closed and he was obviously lost in thought.

Willow reread the words in front of her, not able to resist a very unladylike snort. She rolled her eyes, laying her pen down and shaking her head in wonder that someone actually wrote these words.

Xander's eyes opened as he heard Willow's snort. His lips twitched as he grinned over at her. "What's funny?"

Willow looked up at him, seeing the familiar smile and smiling in return. "This book. It's awful."

"Aw, it can't be that bad," he said, having learned from experience how difficult it was to write and submit a book. He still couldn't believe his little project to ward off boredom that summer five years before had earned him a five book deal and a check with enough zeros to last until old age.

Willow narrowed her eyes, "Just because you are Mr. Wealthy Author now doesn't mean that everyone has as much talent as you do."

"Ahem," he cleared his throat, falling into their routine, "That is Mr. Wealthy BEST SELLING Author to you, Miss Lowly Editor Lady."

"The book is called 50 Ways to Make Friends, Xander. Trust me when I say it is nowhere near the wonder that Nightfall was," Willow said, glancing at the copy in disgust.

"There are 50 ways to make friends?" Xander asked, hitting the save button on his computer and sitting back in his chair. He had been suffering a bit of writer's block on the newest Night novel and he knew from experience that Willow could take his mind off his worries. She had always been good at that. He frowned slightly, pushing those feelings away as he always did.

"According to," Willow glanced at the inside cover of the book, "Mildred Monroe there is."

Xander laughed, "Mildred? I am so not saying anything to that...."

"You're blocked, huh?" Willow suddenly asked, a small smile crossing her lips. She watched him nod, her eyes taking in the slight frown on his lips. Tearing her eyes from his lips, a place she knew she should not be looking at, she found herself noticing the changes in him that age had brought. They were only twenty-five and twenty-six, her being eldest by four months. His birthday was coming up soon, she noted idly. He was still boyishly handsome and she knew that he would probably still look young when they were forty. Some men were so lucky. She knew she still looked young, hell they were only in their mid twenties, but she had found a gray hair not a week before. It reminded her that time was still moving along while she seemed to be stuck in a rut. Xander's best friend. Xander's roommate. Buffy's bridesmaid. Editor for Kirman Press. Always belonging to someone else but never truly belonging to anyone. She was twenty-six years old and had never been involved seriously with anyone. Not that she was complaining. She loved her life. She was happy and worked at something she enjoyed. She owed that to Xander in fact.

After her freshman year of college, she had realized that she and Xander had grown apart. After some serious thinking, she had confronted him and they had had a long talk. Actually, she remembered smiling softly, it had last more than two days with no sleep and lots of ice cream and pizza. It seemed they both had missed their friendship, vowing to do better at being friends. And they had. They had been able to recapture the closeness that had been there before Buffy, before demons and before real life had messed it all up. She had forgotten how much he meant to her and how comforting it was to have someone that knew you so well. He knew what she was thinking and what she was going to say just as she did him. After her second year of college, they had decided to share an apartment. He had grown tired of using his parent's basement and wanted to get away from his Dad. Buffy had met Davis and was planning on moving in with him, so it had all worked out. Willow and Xander found a nice cheap apartment and settled in. It was during that summer that Xander had worked nights, having nothing to do with his days.

She hadn't known until he had given her three notebooks what he had been doing while she was in summer classes. He had written a book. She could still remember the nervousness in his eyes, the self-depreciating attitude he had had about the entire thing. She knew how much it had taken for him to trust her by letting her read it. When she had started to read it, she hadn't been able to stop. It was amazing that Xander had so much talent that she had never seen. He had always hated English and writing in general, yet, during those seven hours she had read his book, she couldn't believe he hadn't been doing it all his life. His ability to create a character that was so fascinating in his complexity, a character that you could love, good and bad, well, she envied him that. She knew that Nick Night had a lot of Xander in him. It was obvious to her, even if no one else could grasp it. She had finished the book and told him he had to send it in. It had taken her a month to convince him it was really that good and then another two months for her to type it up for him. He had then asked her to check it for him, to fix anything that needed fixing. It was then, over that Christmas season, that she realized she loved doing it, fixing the errors and giving him suggestions. She had changed her major during the second term of her junior year to English. She now worked as an editor for Kirman Press. She also was A.L. Harris' private editor, though no one at his publishing company knew who she was exactly.

"Wills? You still alive in there?" Xander asked, having just realized that he had been talking to her but she hadn't been listening.

"Sorry, Xan. I got lost," Willow said, smiling sheepishly. She pointed at her head, "It's a scary place in here sometimes."

"Nah," he smiled, "all the time, but I love you anyway."

Willow felt her breath catch at his familiar words. He said them to her all the time, but never in the way she wished to hear them. They were usually accompanied by a grin and an amused twinkle in his dark eyes. Never said with a serious look and a soft touch to her face. No, that scenario only happened in her dreams. It was ironic actually. She had gotten over her feelings for Xander during high school, after he had started dating Cordelia, or so she had thought. She had realized shortly after moving in with him that she had never lost them, they had just gone somewhere to wait until they could come back twice as bad. Before, it had been a crush. She had cared for him dearly and he had hurt her by choosing someone else. During her freshman year of college, she had understood that it never would have worked for them during high school. They both had so much growing to do and whatever would have happened between them would never had lasted. Now, though, the crush was gone. She, stupid fool that she was, was head over heels, hopelessly in love with Xander Harris, her still oblivious best friend.

**********

Willow caught herself as she saw Xander waiting for her reply. She smiled, hoping he would take the look she figured was in her eyes for merely friendship. "I won't even respond since I know what an empty space your mind is."

"Ah, you mean you don't love me too?" he said, smiling to hide the need to hear the words, even in a joking manner. "After all we've been through....."

Willow laughed, "Of course I love you too, you ninny. Why else would I put up with you and the writer's block induced mood swings?"

Xander didn't want to examine the elation he felt at her words. He had almost lost her once because he was stupid. He wasn't about to lose her again. After they had graduated from high school, he and Cordelia had broken up with her moving to LA. He had decided to go on a road trip, wanting to clear his mind. In the end, it had done nothing but make things worse. All he had thought about those months he was away had been Willow. She had been his best friend for so long. No matter how stupid he acted or what he did, she was always there for him. He had realized when she was in the hospital that time that he loved her. He also knew he wasn't what she needed...what she deserved. So, he had pretended not to know about her feelings for him. Then, during their senior year, she had stopped looking at him like he was the center of her universe. He had lost her. That summer away had made him realize what his life would be like without her and he hadn't liked it. But, when he had returned to Sunnydale, she had been caught up in college fever. He had hardly seen her at all and when they had met, she had been unaware of the gap that had been widening between them. He had been forced to grow up, to rely on himself. He had hated not having her around, but in another way, it had been good for him. Throughout their childhood, he had always depended on her for so many things. That year, well, he'd had to learn to rely on himself. He had learned that he was more than just the lovable goof, something she had tried so hard for so many years to convince him of. He had never seen it until then. When she had called him that night asking to meet with him, well, he'd been worried to death that she had met someone and was in love. He had known that that would have done what the hellmouth had not been able to do. It would have killed him. Taken away all his hopes and dreams and snuffed them out. It was amusing in a way. He wanted her so badly yet knew he could never be what she needed, but the idea of another man touching her, loving her, holding her...it made him crazy with jealousy.

That was one reason, of many, that he had jumped at the idea of sharing an apartment with her. He could keep an eye on her. He could look back now on that weekend that they had stayed up all night just talking and think that it was the second biggest event in his life to date. The first being when he had met Willow all those years ago on the playground. Twenty years they had been together, yet they still hadn't been together the way he wished they could be. He knew it wasn't fair for him to be so selfish with her, but he couldn't help it. She could make him feel important with just a simple look. She didn't need words to show him that he was loved. Sure, it was now a friendly sort of love from her, but it was something. He had given her the book to read hoping she would understand. She had. With her pushing him, he could now give her the future she deserved. He had bought this house for her, knowing by the look in her eyes that day that she loved it. The only problem was that now it was too late. She had moved on years ago, the crush having faded. Yet, to this day, with one look he was again the center of her universe.

"Xander?" Willow said, laughing as he glanced at her, blinking. "I guess you got lost."

"Yeah, couldn't find the breadcrumbs even," he replied, listening to the sweet sound of her laugh. He would often wake from dreams with that sound haunting him. Her red hair, that she had allowed to grow past her shoulders, was pushed up underneath a cap that Spike of all people had sent her from LA. It was black and had written in red, Love Bites. Only Spike would see that and think it an appropriate birthday gift, Xander thought smiling slightly. "Guess I must have eaten them."

"You do realize that I know you are avoiding my question," Willow said, laughing as he shifted in the chair.

"Yeah, well, Nick isn't talking to me today," Xander said, shrugging. "He doesn't all the time you know?"

"Come on," she said, standing. She stretched, her shirt lifting slightly to reveal a flash of pale white stomach. "I promised Buffy we'd come over for dinner. She and Davis have something important to tell us and somehow I think she must be pregnant again. I think Giles and Sophie will be there too. She said informal, so I'm not changing."

"I'll go like this," he mumbled. Xander found his eyes drawn to her stomach, wondering if it would be soft under his lips. He could imagine brushing soft kisses over it, listening to her soft moans as she writhed underneath him. Drifting his lips lower until his face was buried in the curls between her thighs. He groaned, feeling the tightening in his jeans. He really needed to find a way to vent this sexual desire. Just watching her lick her lips as she read through a manuscript could make him half hard. Five years of living with the one woman he wanted most in the world and he had to resort to jacking off in the shower, just imagining what they could be like together. "Working. Need to work."

Willow glanced at him, frowning when she saw his white knuckles as his hands clenched tightly around the side of the desk. There was a bead of sweat on his forehead and his eyes were half closed. She wished he would look at her with such concentration. She sighed, knowing that was not likely to be happening anytime soon. "You can't force it, Xander."

"What? I'd never use force!" Xander said, his eyes flying open at the notion of the idea of forcing himself on her. He knew she was no longer interested in him as anything other than a friend. Hence the endless cold showers every night...and every morning.

"Good," she smiled, slightly confused. "It never helps when you have writer's block. Remember when you were writing Dead of Night? It only made it worse when you tried to write and couldn't."

"OH...writing. Yeah...forcing the writing," he said, relief in his voice. He could have sworn she had been talking about them. "You're right. Diversion would be of the good."

"Do you have anything yet?" she asked, curious despite herself. He never let her read the books until he was finished, unless it was a short passage and he wanted her opinion. Those little teases were worse than waiting though because she could never figure out where they fit into everything else.

Xander smiled a crooked smile as he stood, glancing down to make sure he was no longer so obviously hard. He looked at her, wagging his finger, "Nuh uh, Missy. No hints from me. All I'll say is that the title is going to be...." he drifted off deliberately, loving to hear her beg. Again, sudden images crossed his mind that had him cursing mentally.

"What?" she demanded, glaring at his amused look.

Xander moved towards her, glancing around as if someone was in the room. He heard her giggle at his antics and smiled, leaning close to her ear. He inhaled her scent, making a memory. He brought his lips against her ear and could almost hear her heart beating. He felt her waver and smiled softly, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms and not let go. "Seize the Night."

Willow heard the words, not comprehending them until he had pulled away. The smell of his aftershave and the unique scent that was Xander had filled her mind when he was so close to her. She looked at him and saw that his eyes were unreadable. She frowned, not liking being unaware to what he was truly thinking. She sighed, suddenly smiling. "Seize the Night? Is that the working title or a definite?"

Xander laughed, moving away from her. "It's definite. Only thing I know for sure in fact. Now, you said dinner with Buffy and Davis?"

"Yep," Willow made a face. "Buffy's on this big kick of trying to cook. We should probably stop off and get some real food before heading over there."

"I thought the fire department told her not to try cooking anymore after that fire?" Xander said, smiling as the feelings of want and need were pushed into the back of his mind.

"You're mean!" Willow said, smacking his arm as she moved past him for her bag. She kept her cap on, not wanting to mess with her hair. She was considering cutting it again, but she really did like it this length. Thankfully, Spike knew her well enough to send her several caps for her birthday. All five had different sayings that made her smile. He claimed Angel had almost staked him for buying her the Love Bites cap, her personal favorite. She was glad that he and his sire had been able to make a peace, and begin a new relationship. She had never seen two people argue so much or be so much in love as those two vampires were. She smiled thinking about them, deciding that it was time to call and catch up with her good friends. "It was a small fire."

"Why Davis would let her back in the kitchen....." Xander shook his head, his smile making her smile.

"He loves her and accepts her, good and bad. Of course, I do hope he has plenty of insurance just in case," she said, laughing.

"Your chariot awaits, milady," Xander said, opening the door to his car.

"Thank you, kind sir. McDonalds first, then on to the Martin's residence," she said in a lofty tone.

"As you wish," he said softly, shutting the door behind her as he made his way to the driver's side.

**********

"Buffy, you look radiant," Xander said, kissing his old friend's cheek.

"Xan, Will, come in," Buffy said, kissing his cheek as she smiled at them both.

"Davis, my man," Xander said, greeting Buffy's husband of four years. "Where's my rugrat?"

"Anne is sleeping," Buffy said, shutting the door behind Willow. She saw Xander's face fall and smiled, "You know, if you like kids so much you should think about having one yourself."

Xander rolled his eyes, "Kinda hard to do. You know, male pregnancy and such being impossible!"

Davis winked at his wife as he moved towards Willow. "Let me get that for you."

Willow smiled at Davis, again thinking how perfect he was for Buffy. Her friend had met him during the middle of their second year of college. It had been several months after the entire fiasco that had been Riley and Buffy had not been wanting to fall in love. But, she hadn't been able to tell her heart that. Within six months she had been moving in with the accounting major. Willow thought it amusing that two such opposites would be so good together, but they were. Davis was organized, smart, and had a great sense of humor. He was not big on sports and she had to admit he was a bit of a geek. He even had glasses that were always falling down his nose. But, he loved Buffy and accepted everything about her. When they had first gotten together, Buffy had been worried about telling him the truth about her past. But, when she realized she cared about him so deeply, she had admitted it all. He had been startled, needless to say, but he had thought it through and listened to her. He hadn't been happy about her risking her life night after night, but he knew it was her duty. Buffy told Willow that was the moment she had known this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. "It's just a bottle of wine."

"Ah," he said with a smile, leaning closer. "To cover up the taste of the food, I suppose."

Willow giggled, sharing a smile with him before looking at Buffy's raised eyebrow. "Davis told me you cooked a wonderful meal."

"I'm sure he did," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. "He watched me like a hawk, worried I'd burn something."

"No, I just love watching you," he said, kissing her softly.

Willow watched them with an envious look in her green eyes. She couldn't fault Buffy happiness. She didn't know anyone that deserved it more than the former slayer did, but being around them wasn't easy when she was alone. She glanced at Xander, startled to see a similar look of envy of his dark eyes. She caught her breath, realizing that he must feel alone as she did. Since moving in with her, he had pretty much stopped dating. They tended to spend evenings together and rarely saw anyone except their friends. She didn't really miss dating, having never been out with the same guy more than twice. No one could ever hold her interest for more than a few hours of light conversation. Xander, though, had dated Cordelia seriously for more than a year and a half. After that, she knew he had been involved with at least two others women he had met at various jobs. She knew that those two had been mostly sex, but they still counted. Hell, she'd never even had sex. How could you miss something you'd never experienced? Of course, she thought dryly, how could you be twenty-six and a virgin in this day and age? She found herself wondering if he had a woman on the side. Jealousy shot through her at the idea of another woman touching her Xander. Down girl, she scolded mentally. He isn't your anything. She cleared her throat, not wanting to watch Buffy and Davis make out right in front of them. "I thought the honeymoon was supposed to end after a couple of years."

"Never," Buffy said, smiling at her friend as she pulled away from Davis. She glanced at Xander and saw him watching Willow while trying to pretend he was looking at the TV. Those two, she thought sighing. Would they ever wake up and realize they were in love? "With us, the honeymoon will just continue."

"Lucky you," Xander said, his smile true but his tone slightly wistful. He loved Buffy dearly and liked Davis, but being around them was tough. It made his friendship with Willow pale in comparison to the ideas of what they could have together. He knew that he belonged with Willow. It was just something he knew and accepted. He had seen the look on her face when she watched Buffy and Davis. She wanted what they had. He had known that for years. She had never been in love before, that he knew. She had never dated anyone more than once that he knew of, so he had to wonder if she was still a virgin. He loved to entertain the fantasy that she had saved herself for him, knowing that it was some sort of destiny for them to be together. He had never believed much in fate or soulmates, but he knew what he had with Willow was not found often. Very few people he met had ever been lucky enough to find what he had, and here he was risking losing it everyday that he kept silent about his true feelings for her. He knew he'd be nothing without her. He wasn't dramatic enough to think his entire life would be ruined, but he knew he wouldn't be the same. Even that year they had drifted apart, he had changed. He had matured but not all the changes had been good. Willow had brought him back. She could always bring him back. God, how he wanted her to look at him the way that Buffy looked at Davis.

"Xander, why don't you help me in the kitchen," Buffy said, putting her arm through his and pulling him after her. "Honey, show Wills the new pictures of Anne."

"Yes, dear," Davis said, pretty sure he knew what his wife was going to talk to Xander about. Over the years he had come to care a lot about both Willow and Xander. He knew they were in love, but for some reason they wouldn't admit it. He also knew they were already practically married, their lives resembling his and Buffy's in most ways except a few. God pity the oblivious, he thought smiling. Buffy was getting impatient for them to get together, he knew. She wanted them happy and knew that would never truly happen until they were together. He almost felt sorry for Xander, almost. "Sit down Willow. I'll show you the newest pictures of your goddaughter."

*********

"What did you need help with?" Xander asked, sniffing the air. "Hmm, that actually smells good."

"Oh, hush," Buffy said, smacking his arm and laughing as she sat down. "I'll have you know I've been practicing."

"Bet Davis is glad," Xander said grinning. He stretched out and sighed, the warmth of the oven making the room feel homey.

"That little fire was almost a year ago anyway. Wish you'd just forget about that," Buffy grumbled with a smile.

"How's my goddaughter?" Xander asked, not really sure why Buffy wanted to have this talk but figuring she had her reasons. He had given up long ago trying to figure out the women in his life.

"Fantastic. She is talking so much now," Buffy said, smiling a maternal smile. "Of course, I can't understand half of it but it's still cute."

"That's my girl," Xander said, smiling. She was three years old and had Davis' reddish brown hair and Buffy's blue eyes. Looking into her face, he couldn't tell her no when she wanted a toy or food or whatever.

"So," Buffy said, deciding to get to the point, "When the hell do you plan on telling Willow you're in love with her so that you can stop spoiling Anne and start working on having your own babies that I can spoil?"

**********

"Is something wrong?"

Xander heard the whispered words and looked up at Willow, seeing the concern in her eyes. He felt like kicking himself for making her worry for no reason. He smiled softly, shaking his head, "No. Just thinking."

"You know I worry when you do that," she said, smiling at him. She had noticed his behavior change after he had helped Buffy in the kitchen. She was of a good mind to call the former slayer and demand some answers as to what she said to make him so unhappy. Of course, it was three in the morning and she'd probably wake Anne so she didn't call.

"Ah, and again you wound me, sweets," Xander said, leaning his head to the side to watch her covertly. She was looking at the moon, an expression of enjoyment on her face. She glanced at him, the smile fading slightly as concern again entered her green eyes.

"Xander, talk to me. I'm your best friend...that's what I'm here for," she reminded him quietly. She hated when he got like this. She wasn't worried about him, not really. She just felt left out when his eyes became that unreadable dark brown and she had no idea where his mind was at.

Xander watched her as he had been doing all evening. After Buffy's convincing argument that Willow was and had been in love with him for years, it was almost as if his eyes had been opened. Truly opened. He had seen the little things that he had always taken for granted. Still, he wasn't convinced that she felt the same. It could just be with comfortability in their relationship. But, he intended to find out. He had no intention of doing something rash. Those days were past. He was more mature now. He would think of a way to see if she wanted him the way he wanted her before saying anything that might damage their friendship permanently. Even if he was stuck being only her friend until they died, he couldn't risk losing that because of some silly ideas Buffy had. He already have several things in mind, a more definite idea taking shape. It was rather crafty and might take some planning, but he could give her some subtle hints and see if she picked up on them. Tomorrow, he would brainstorm. Maybe sketch out some ideas and make a few lists. He was big on lists now. They helped him so much when he was writing or getting ideas. He could do some flow charts and figure out the best plan of action. God, he thought suddenly. He was starting to make it sound like some sort of secret mission or something. Thinking way too much on this one, Harris, he scolded mentally. Remembering that she was waiting for an answer, he said, "Really, it was nothing Willow. She was telling me about Anne and trying to find out hints about the new book. That was all."

"OK...if you're sure," she said, not believing that that would make him retrospective for hours unless it was the book. That, she would understand. Half the time he got his ideas, he would start babbling in the middle of something and tell her that Nick was finally speaking to him. He'd jotted down notes on napkins, toilet paper and menus to name just a few various things. She smiled, feeling a bit relieved that it was most likely just book ideas. "I'm glad the block seems to be over...any chance I'll have something to read soon?"

Xander laughed, getting to his feet and avoiding her question. "Sit," he said, motioning to the swing. He had found some thick wood shortly after they had moved into the house. With it, he had tied some rope around the thickest branch in one of the numerous trees covering their back yard to make an old fashioned swing. When they were kids, Willow had had one like this and they had spent many an afternoon daring each other to go higher and faster. Lately, they would find themselves out swinging when they couldn't sleep. It was strange, but when of them was awake, the other usually was. Maybe it was just habit, maybe it was just coincidence. Whatever it was, he was glad he finally had someone to share these lonely nights with.

"It's three A.M. Xander. We can't swing," Willow said, knowing he was trying to avoid talking for some reason.

"Why not?" he asked, giving her his best coaxing smile. "Please? For me?"

Willow sighed, knowing she was a goner. Anytime he looked at her like that, she knew she would do whatever he asked. She moved to sit on the swing, her hand brushing against his slightly. She caught her breath at the soft touch, letting her fingers linger against his. She was surprised when he didn't pull his hand away immediately. She closed her eyes half way, the warmth of his hand a contrast to the coldness of her own. She had just walked outside into the warm summer night air from the coolness of the air-conditioned house and had not yet had time to warm up. "What did you and Buffy talk about?"

"Nothing important," Xander said, reluctantly moving his hand from under hers and pushing against her back gently. What was he supposed to tell her? That their friend had called him on the feelings he had thought were well hidden? That Buffy seemed convinced that he and Willow belonged together and was pushing him to confess the secret? That he had denied everything, knowing by the look in Buffy's eyes that she hadn't believed a word but was giving him a reprieve of sorts? Oh yeah, he could see that going over real well.

"Xander," she started to tell him that she knew him well enough to know he was lying. He had been thoughtful all night, hardly speaking even when Giles and Sophie had joined them. As it turned out, Buffy's news had indeed been that she was pregnant again. Willow was thrilled for her friend, but the longing in her for a baby with Xander's smile and dark hair just got worse. She wondered if that was what was bothering Xander. She knew he had always wanted kids. When they were younger and would sleep outside in a tent he would tell her in whispered confessions about his home life and how he wanted to have dozens of kids that he could love and be a good father to. Even then, being barely ten, she had wished that she could be their mother. Well, if he hadn't truly meant a dozen children that was. She sighed, feeling his hands on her back as he pushed. Instead of saying the numerous things that were in her mind, she said the one thing she knew would lighten the situation and maybe make him forget whatever was bothering him. "Higher."

**********

Willow walked into their office, covering a yawn. She hadn't been able to sleep very well the night before. She and Xander had spent hours just sitting outside, swinging in silence. When she had gone upstairs to her room, sleep had been elusive. She had ended up laying in bed, drifting in and out of small naps before finally deciding to just get up. It was now seven am and she was going to try to get that manuscript edited before lunch. She froze when she saw that Xander was already at his computer, his attention focused on the screen in front of him. She stopped in the doorway, knowing that he hadn't heard her. She was able to simply watch him without worrying about being seen.

He obviously hadn't slept. His hair was tousled, going in several different directions. She knew from experience at watching him that that meant he had been running his fingers through it most of the night. He often did that when trying to capture the right words. She saw him smile, wishing she knew what he was reading. What words that he had written that caused some amusement in this early morning sun light streaming through the window. The sunlight played across his face, making him even more handsome in a way. She sighed softly, not realizing it had been so loud.

Xander heard the sigh and turned, his eyes finding Willow standing in the doorway. She was wearing an old high school T-Shirt that had belonged to him and shorts. She had never looked prettier. He loved seeing her first thing in the morning. She was always so lovely. Fresh from sleep with her eyes shining. He smiled softly at her, "Morning."

"Morning," she said, her cheeks flushing slightly at having been caught ogling him. Luckily, he didn't seem to notice. She walked towards her desk, not at all enthusiastic about having to read the remainder of that horrid book about making friends.

"I bought donuts and there is fresh coffee," he said, motioning to the table. "I bought you some of those croissants you love."

"Fresh coffee and croissants?" she said, smiling. "God, Xan, I could marry you!"

Xander stiffened at her statement, seeing the look of happiness in her eyes as she poured some coffee. "Sure. I guess I could put up with you, if I had to."

Willow looked at him as she sipped her coffee, rolling her eyes. "So, did you sleep last night?"

"Nope. You?" he asked, noticing that she avoided his reply treating as yet another amusing remark from him. He wondered what she would say if she knew he was completely serious. He'd marry her that moment if he honestly thought she'd accept him. Unfortunately, he knew better.

"Not really. Got a couple of hours I guess," she said, taking a croissant and a napkin along with her coffee to her desk. She sat down, pulling a piece of the bread and placing it in her mouth. "Oh, this is great."

"I'm glad you like it," he said, watching her eat. He reluctantly looked away, staring at his computer screen.

"Nick talking to you?" she asked between chewing.

"Oh yeah. Seems he has some questions from the past couple of books that he wants answered," Xander said, dangling that tease in front of her.

"What?" she sat up, swallowing her bite. "What questions?"

Xander shrugged, playing it off but he smiled slightly. "Just a few things about his past. Seems he wants to go back home."

"To Winterhaven?" she said, feeling anxious. She would never admit it, but in a weird way, she had a sort of crush on Nick. She knew that he was an extension of Xander in some ways, though in others he was completely a different person. At times, though, it was through Nick that she was able to understand Xander. To anyone else, that would make no sense. But, Xander would allow Nick to think and say things that he would never say himself. She had learned some of his insecurities through Nick, some of his fears, his loves, his courage. They all rolled into the fictional character that came alive when Xander wrote him.

"Yep," Xander said, waiting for the inevitable.

"So...any I can read yet?" she asked, trying to be subtle.

He laughed, "That took even less time than usual."

Willow sighed, "What can I say? You tempt me like that. I'm dying to know what turned Nick into what he is...what motivates him. Every time he mentions Winterhaven, he becomes nostalgic and apprehensive and it changes him. Plus, I want to know if you have *her* in it."

"Ah, her," Xander said, smiling. Throughout his books, when Nick was at the lowest of his lows, he would think about a mysterious *her* from his past. It was always just a subtle mention that most people didn't even realize there was someone in Nick's past. Willow, of course, had picked up on instantly. He knew she was dying to know who this girl had been, if she had been the love of Nick's life or someone that had hurt him. It had been her constant questioning about this subtle plot point that had prompted his ideas for Seize the Night. Even before his talk with Buffy, he had been going to finally have a turning point in Nick's life. It was time for Nick to face his past. To quit running from the demons chasing him. He hit the print key, making sure he printed out just what he wanted her to read. "I am in such a generous mood today that I will let you read just a small bit."

"Ah, I feel honored," she said sarcastically, trying to hide her excitement. Maybe she would finally get some answers. She would never let Xander know, but she wanted to see if it was Buffy or Cordelia that was represented in his book. One being the girl he always wanted but never got and the other being the girl he had wanted but he had lost. Either one would have helped shape Nick into the man he was now. The man that Xander was now. She knew that they were different, even recognized that there were actually very few similarities between the two men. But, she also knew Xander well enough to know that this girl would have to be modeled after one of the loves of his life. She didn't even feel jealous, knowing that that was his past. He was over both of them, now counting them both as good friends. She honestly expected him to blend them both to make the woman in Nick's past. She couldn't wait to read about.

"You should," he said. "Not everyone gets these sneak previews you know."

She took the paper from him, sighing when she saw that it was only one page. "This is it?"

"If you'd rather not read it," he said, making an attempt to pull it away.

"No! That's all right. One page is good." She smiled, settling back to read. She read it, looking back at him. "He's going back to save her?"

Xander shrugged, "I dunno. How's it sound?"

"Fantastic. Now, get over there and write more. I want to know who she is and why she makes him so sad," Willow said, smiling.

"God, you're a slave driver," he said, laughing as she glared at him in amusement.

"Would you like me to get a whip?" she asked, laughing.

He sat down, trying to ignore the images that statement caused. He just laughed, "Fine. Fine. I'm writing....I'm writing."

"Good," she said. She glanced at her desk, rolling her eyes. "Great. Time to finish editing that silly book about making friends."

"Have fun," he said, his voice teasing as he looked at the screen. He began to type, the room silent save for the sound of his computer and the flipping of her pages.

**********

Xander saved his file and then turned his computer off. He had been writing for two days with hardly any breaks. Now that he had decided on a general plot, the words were flowing rather well. It seemed that Nick was excited about being able to go back to Winterhaven and reclaim his lost love. Xander frowned as he realized he had no idea how the book was going to end. He had began the sub plot with Nick meeting up with Rose as a way to try to get Willow to understand his true feelings. But, now, the plot was taking over the book. Rose was becoming a major focus of the novel and Xander had to admit it was going damn well. Any fool that knew him would know that Rose was Willow. He had not made her a redhead, knowing that would be too obvious, but he had given her a name that brought forth images of red. And, even he could admit to the similarities in Rose and Nick's relationship with his and Willow's. Now that he actually had written his feelings for Willow, using Nick as a mouthpiece, he was too scared to let her read it.

God, he was such a coward. The entire reasoning behind bringing in the girl from Nick's past was to allow Willow to see his feelings and accept them if she felt the same or ignore them if she did not. Xander had always written with the idea that this girl was Nick's Willow. The one that made him a better man, that caused him to do what he was doing, the one that got away. Xander had honestly never intended for her to be introduced as a central character. Nick was a lone wolf...someone that had gotten hurt once before and now never let himself get close to anyone. Nick would think back and remember her with love and fondness, usually during a time that all hope seemed lost. Her memory was what often got Nick out of bad spots. Bringing her into the series, well, it had never seemed logical. Xander had intended to write a few brief parts with her, figuring that after Willow read them he'd dispose of them. Now, he couldn't imagine the novel without Rose. She had become Willow in every action and word...her mannerisms, her thoughts, her denied feelings for Nick , her beauty....Rose was Willow with hair that was dark brown with red highlights instead of red and hazel eyes that flashed from brown to green instead of emerald colored eyes. Those were the only two differences between them. Well, that and the fact that Rose had lost Nick while Willow would never lose him.

Xander knew that because of the blatant similarities between Rose and Willow, he could not let her read it until he was sure she might be able to feel the same way about him as he felt about her. He did not want to lose her friendship but knew that once she read this, there was no denying his feelings any longer. He had continued to let her read bits and pieces, each part basic and never having any mention of Rose or Nick's feelings for the girl. Xander knew she was irritated that she hadn't read anything about the woman from Nick's past, but he could see the resignation to wait in her eyes. She was so very patient when it came to his books. He had already written fifty pages in the past two and a half days. If he continued to be so creative, he might have the rough draft done in three weeks. The Night novels were usually around three to four hundred pages and he could see easily making that in less than a month. If he did, it would be the quickest novel he had written by far. It seemed almost as if it were writing itself though. Actually, he corrected mentally, it seemed as if Nick and Rose were writing their own story and he was merely their typist. He smiled at the idea that his characters were controlling their own actions deciding that he had lived on the Hellmouth for far too long.

"What are you smiling at?"

Xander looked over at Willow and shrugged, "Just wondering if Nick has grown tired of the endless stream of faceless women in his life and decided he could write his life better than I."

"It hasn't been an endless stream," she corrected with a smile. "Just a few that he loved and left. Typical male character action from what I've read."

"Yeah, well, this time he isn't wanting to leave," Xander said, his eyes caught by hers.

Willow raised her eyebrows, "Oooh, Nick is in love?"

"Nick has always been love," Xander said softly, "that's why he runs so much. Trying to avoid it. It just seems that the time for running has ended. There's nowhere else to run."

"Oh," Willow said, sighing. "I can't wait to read what you've got so far."

Xander laughed, "Hint heard and noted. If I continue writing like this, I may have it done in a few weeks."

"Oh good, then I can read it," she said, smiling. She couldn't wait to see who had Nick so tied up in knots. The woman that had gotten him to stop running, well, she couldn't wait.

"With that ever present red pen," Xander reminded with a smile as he leaned back in his chair and yawned.

"Like I really need to use it on your stuff," she scolded, with a smile.

"I'm hungry. Do we have anything to eat?" he asked, noticing it was after eight at night.

"Not that much. I intended to go get groceries today but got sidetracked with this period romance I'm editing," she admitted sheepishly.

"Romance huh? Thought they usually gave you the good old self help books," Xander said, smiling at her caught look.

"Well, I guess they decided I was finally beyond help and could use some romance. It is really a good novel," she said, stretching. "Not very much I can see wrong with it. A few phrases and descriptions that don't fit the times and some minor errors, but over all it is pretty well done."

"Everyone can use some romance in their lives," Xander remarked casually as he stood. "Want to go shopping?"

Willow smiled, looking down so he couldn't see the look in her eyes as she thought of having him and romance in her life. She nodded as she shut the manuscript. "Yeah, we're out of almost everything it seems. Been working too much the past couple of days."

"All work and no food is definitely not a good thing," Xander said, moving towards the door. "You ready?"

She looked up at him and smile as she stood, "Yep. Let's go buy groceries."

"After you, love," he said, holding the door open and allowing her to pass. He watched her for a moment, just enjoying the sight of her before he followed.

**********

Willow laughed as Xander tossed a box of Twinkies into the cart. "I think we need to get away from the snack aisle. The cart may get filled before we leave it."

Xander smiled sheepishly, knowing that she was joking with him. "What can I say? I love sweets."

Willow rolled her eyes as she looked away from him with a smile. They had gone to the supermarket to buy groceries and had now spent close to ten minutes at least analyzing which chip or cupcake would be more healthy. She knew that Xander loved junk food. It was one trait of his that she hoped would never change. She just couldn't imagine him eating only healthy foods. In the later years, she had to admit that he had gotten a bit more careful about what he bought. She had read a self help book about men's health that had made him realize that snack foods were fine but some could cause him problems in later life. After that, she had noticed him substituting fat free chips every once in awhile, though his habits hadn't changed that much. He was still her Xander. Willow leaned over and picked up a jar of peanuts, adding them to the pile of other food in the cart. "I got the peanuts to go with the popcorn, so we're set."

Xander smiled at her, looking up from the two bags of chocolate chip cookies in his hands. "I can't believe I almost forgot the peanuts. Man, you'd have skinned me alive."

"Nothing quite so messy," she said, wrinkling her nose as her eyes flashed with amusement. It was a known fact that she had snapped at him the one time he had gone shopping alone, when she had been laid up with the flu, and he had forgotten to buy her a jar of peanuts. "Maybe some torture but no skinning."

"Aw, a woman after my own heart," Xander said lightly, glancing back at the cookies before she could see the truth in his eyes. He tossed one of the bags into the cart, placing the other on the shelf. "Ok. Next aisle."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked, glancing at the cart. "Cookies, check. Twinkies, check. Chips, check. Doughnuts, check. Raisins, check. Ok. It does look like you have all the needed writing supplies."

"Come on, brat. We have a lot of shopping to do," he said, smiling softly as they started to leave that aisle. "If you hadn't taken so long we'd already be done by now."

"Me?" she sputtered, glaring at him playfully, "I don't recall being the one that read the ingredients on four bags of cookies before making a decision. Especially considering that you knew exactly which kind you wanted. Every week you read the contents and every week you pick the same brands."

"Hey, you never know if they'll change the ingredients," he justified, knowing fully well that the reason he took his time was that he loved shopping with her. It seemed like something intimate, in many ways. Made him feel as if they were really something more than friends. Ironic that the one place he honestly felt that they were more than friends was the grocery store.

"Willow? Willow Rosenberg? Is that you?" a voice asked, causing the redhead to turn. "Oh my God! It is you!"

"Um, yeah," Willow said, looking at the brunette girl in curiosity. She glanced at Xander and saw a frown on his face as he looked at the woman that had called her name.

"You don't remember me, do you?" the woman asked, laughing rather self consciously. She ran a hand through her hair, glancing down at the obvious signs of pregnancy. "I've changed a bit, I admit."

"Gloria?" Willow asked, suddenly remembering a laughing girl that had been in several of her classes throughout school. A cheerleader that she had barely spoken to over five years.

"Yeah," Gloria said, smiling. "You look great! I almost didn't say anything because I couldn't swear it was you. It was only after you laughed that I was pretty certain."

"Thanks," Willow said, blushing slightly. She still was uneasy with accepting compliments, not having very much practice save for her friends' general comments.

"And you're Xander Harris," Gloria said, glancing at the man standing so closely to Willow. She had noticed him move closer when she had spoken Willow's name and couldn't help smiling. "You've definitely grown up."

"Thanks," Xander said, not really sure what to say to that. He remembered Gloria from high school, but had never really had any classes with her. He was surprised that she knew him.

"I always knew you two would end up together," Gloria said, looking between the two. "It was so obvious you guys were in love, even back in high school. I hadn't heard that you two got married, but I'm not really in a loop that I would know anyhow. Congratulations, whenever it happened to be. You two were always made for each other. And now, well, you make a handsome couple. Your children will be beautiful."

"Huh?" Willow said, her face flaming even more. "I'm not...we're not..."

"Planning on having children anytime soon," Xander smoothly interrupted Willow's open mouthed dismay. He put his arm around Willow's shoulders, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he then said, "I'm a lucky man, having Willow to come home to everyday. She's damn beautiful, isn't she?"

Willow glanced at him, her eyes narrowing as she realized he had no intention of correcting Gloria's assumption. She couldn't help wondering why. She also couldn't resist sliding into the game had was creating, "Oh, honey. Quit that. We both know you're the adorable one in this marriage."

Xander raised an eyebrow at her before smiling, thankful that she had decided to go along with this. He knew that denying Gloria's idea would just cause more questions and he really wanted to finish shopping. Well, that and the fact that he loved the idea of someone thinking they were married, that they belonged together, had helped him convince him it was easier to just play along with the marriage idea. "You make me sound like some sort of puppy, sweetie."

Gloria smiled, "I'd say you two might be newlyweds except for the fact that you both seem so comfortable together. Did you get married right out of school or did you wait a bit?"

"Oh, we waited a bit," Willow said, realizing that wasn't really a lie. She hadn't said that they had gotten married, just that they had waited.

"I finally had to make a move though," Xander said, smiling a charming smile at Gloria. "Couldn't lose my Wills."

"Aw, that is so sweet," Gloria said, rubbing her stomach. Her hormones were working overtime and she honestly thought she might cry. "Well, I'd better get going. I just wanted to say hi when I realized it was you. I still remember the help you gave me senior year in English and just had to thank you again. If anyone deserves happiness, it's you."

"Thank you," Willow said softly, now feeling like a jerk for letting Gloria keep her assumptions that she and Xander were married.

"And you had better take care of her," Gloria said, glancing at Xander. She still couldn't get over how handsome he was, remembering the goofy kid she had known throughout high school. "She's something special."

"That she is," Xander answered, his voice soft and his eyes filled with love as he glanced at Willow.

"It is so wonderful seeing two people so obviously in love finally together," Gloria said, sniffling slightly. "Hey, let me give you my number. Maybe we can get together for lunch sometime. I hardly ever leave the house anymore, unless I get an ice cream craving."

Willow took the number and promised to call, knowing that she most likely would not. It would be too hard keeping up the act of being happily married to the man of her dreams during a lunch with the woman. She said goodbye to Gloria as the woman went towards the front of the store. Cautiously, she glanced at Xander, not sure what his reaction would be now that they were alone. "Well, that was interesting."

Xander smiled a goofy smile, trying to conceal the pleasure he had felt at being mistaken for Willow's husband. Another reason he loved shopping. People automatically assumed they were married every time. He could always see it in their eyes, just a slight difference than if he were alone. They even had called Willow Mrs. Harris, a name that seemed to fit her perfectly. Luckily, the redhead had never noticed the looks or smiles or names, usually caught up arguing with him over whether they should buy chicken, pork or beef. "Come on, Wife. We have some shopping to finish."

"Sure thing, Husband," she responded, deciding to ignore the tingles that word caused throughout her body. She pushed the cart down the next aisle, her eyes roaming over Xander's body. She had to agree with Gloria on that one. Xander had definitely grown up well.

**********

Willow smiled at Xander as the man sat down on the sofa. She kept the smile on her face as his knee brushed against hers, hiding the affect that simple touch had on her. She moved, leaning against the arm of the sofa as she took the soda from him. "It hasn't started yet."

"Good," he smiled at her, shifting slightly to hide the erection that was slowly starting to form against his blue denim pants. God, he got half hard after a casual touch. What would she do to him if he ever got to touch her in the way he wanted to? He took a long drink of the cold soda, wishing he could simply put the cold can on his crotch.

"Where are the peanuts?" she asked, glancing at the table and frowning. She sighed, "Damn. They fell."

He glanced at her as she leaned over the couch to reach the can of peanuts. He tore his eyes away from the soft swell of her ass that was clearly on display and watched her reach without moving. He smiled, "You're not gonna reach them without getting up."

"Don't want to get up," she said, looking at him and sticking her tongue out. "I can reach them."

He rolled his eyes, 'Sure you can...."

She scowled at him, looking back at the can. More determined than ever, she reached again. She was going to wipe that knowing smirk off those delicious lips. Thinking about his lips, she faltered slightly, catching herself on the edge of the sofa with one hand. She heard his snicker and closed her eyes briefly. She wondered if he would laugh if they made love. She somehow imagined that he would, knowing that that was just her Xander. She licked her lips, pushing those particular images from her mind, yet again. Now was not the time to think about making love with Xander. The Princess Bride was about to start. They had been planning to just sit and watch the show, enjoying the calm after a rather hectic week. He had been writing during most of his waking hours and she had been keeping herself occupied with manuscripts. But, she missed him. She really hated being jealous of a damn book, but it was true. She was jealous of the time he had been spending with Nick Night.

This was supposed to be their night. It had been almost a week since they had just been together, having gone grocery shopping. Sure, they had eaten their meals together as always, but she could see his mind was elsewhere. He brought that damn notepad with him to the table, jotting down notes and getting this soft smile on his face. She knew he had to be thinking about *her*. Whoever it was he was molding that female character after. She was not jealous. No, that wasn't why she was growing to dread every scrap of novel he allowed her to read. She didn't fear seeing a description that fit Cordelia or Buffy perfectly. No, that wasn't why she hated that damn new book.

She reached further, her fingertips brushed the can and she smiled in triumph, calling out, "Ha. Got it."

Right after those words left her mouth, she squealed, feeling herself falling forwards. She gasped when she felt warm hands around her stomach, the momentum causing them both to fall. She started to laugh as they landed in a heap, Xander on top of her. She heard him chuckle, the sound vibrating against her. She looked up at him, her eyes dancing with mischief as she brought the can to his line of vision. "See? I got it."

He laughed, moving slightly as he settled between her splayed legs. He caught her eyes as he shook his head. "You fell, honey."

"You made me fall," she shot back, smiling as she set the can of peanuts on the table.

"I did what?" he asked, moving his fingers along her ribs. He heard her gasp as she laughed softly. He began to tickle her, using his body to hold her in place and prevent her from fleeing. He heard her gasping and laughing and looked up, the smile freezing on his face as he realized again just how beautiful she was. He saw her smile fade as her eyes met his. He saw desire flash in their green depths and felt a rush of hope. Could she want him? He became aware of their position, him laying between her legs. Drawn by some force far more powerful than either of them, he moved his head forward. Their lips brushed against each other softly. Sighing, he moved his head and caught her mouth. She whimpered and moved up against him, her tongue eagerly meeting his.

They kissed for seconds, minutes, hours. All sense of time and reality left him as he tasted her. It was better than any dream he had had. Finally, reluctantly, he pulled back. Her eyes were clouded with desire and confusion. Two emotions he was sure were mirrored in his own eyes. Had they really just kissed? He heard the opening strains to Princess Bride, moving to sit up. He ran a hand through his hair, watching as she sat up. Her eyes were looking at her hands which were nervously playing with the bottom of her t-shirt. He resisted the urge to simply push her back down and make slow love to her on the carpet. Instead, he moved to sit back down on the sofa. He took her hand, helping her up. He watched her through wide eyes as he waited for her reaction.

Willow steadied herself. That had really happened. It had not been another daydream. She looked at the television and then glanced at Xander, who was watching her with an unreadable statement. She sighed, looking back at the TV. "That shouldn't have happened," she said softly, knowing those were the words he wanted to hear. She closed her eyes briefly, memorizing every detail of the kiss.

"Yeah, you're right," he agreed, looking at the TV himself. He wanted to argue with her, to make her listen to the reasons they belonged together. Instead, he lied to make things easier for her. She didn't want him. Even after that explosive kiss, she didn't want him. He couldn't force her to love him, though he wished he could at times like this.

"Yeah," she echoed, wishing he had protested. That he had said he loved her and wanted her. Instead, he had agreed. She knew that he didn't want her. Would never feel for her what she felt for him. She sighed again, moving against the arm of the sofa and away from those lips that she now knew tasted so wonderful. "Let's just forget about it, ok?"

He nodded, his eyes on the movie. Smiling wryly, he said, "As you wish."

**********

"Ok. What's wrong?"

Willow looked at Buffy and sighed, "Is it that obvious?"

"Willow, you look like someone kicked your dog. Yeah, it's rather obvious that something is wrong," Buffy said.

"Last night," Willow started, her face blushing slightly as she debated whether or not to tell Buffy. Finally, she decided that her best friend would not rest until she knew what the problem was. "Xander and I...we um...well, we kissed."

"Hot damn!" Buffy shrieked, smiling openly. "It's about time!"

"No it isn't," Willow said, shaking her head.

"It isn't?" Buffy frowned, looking at the girl. "Come on, Wills. You're confusing me. You've only been in love with Xander since I met you and yet you say that kissing him was not a good thing. Why the hell not?"

"It just happened," Willow whispered. "He didn't want it to happen. Afterwards, he said we could just forget that it happened."

"No way," Buffy said, shaking her head. "He loves you. There is no way he'd want to forget that kiss."

"We're just friends, Buffy. That's all he and I will ever be. The kiss just happened and now we have to deal with it," she said softly.

"To be so smart, you are so damn stupid!" Buffy said, her tone annoyed. "You and Xander have been in love since I can remember. You are just both too scared to admit it. Think of all this time you two have wasted by being scared. I love you both, Willow. I want you to be happy. Xander makes you happy. You make him happy. Can't you not be scared long enough to tell him how you feel?"

"No," Willow said, "I can't lose him Buffy. He's my life. My best friend. I know he could never feel the same, so why ruin what we do have for something we could never have?"

"Who suggested forgetting the kiss?" Buffy asked. She knew Xander and knew how he felt about Willow. There was no way he would finally get the courage to kiss her and want to forget about it.

"I did, because I knew he wanted me to," Willow explained.

"How did he react when you suggested that? Said to forget it?" Buffy asked.

"Relieved," Willow said, nodding. She frowned as she replayed last night in her mind and added, "A bit annoyed. Worried." Her eyes widened as she allowed herself to remember the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, the slump of his shoulders. She whispered, "Heartbroken."

"Doesn't sound to me like he wanted to forget that kiss," Buffy said quietly, watching Willow's face as her best friend finally began to see what had been there for so long.

"He didn't," Willow said, confusion on her face. "Why not? Why didn't he want to forget it?"

"Is love really that blind?" Buffy had to ask.

"He loves me?" Willow asked, disbelief in her tone. "No. He can't. We're just friends. He's never given me any sign before that he might return my feelings. He wouldn't talk to me today. Just ignored me to type on that stupid book. That's why I came here. I had to get away from the silence. He can't love me, can he?"

Buffy smiled, seeing the tears in Willow's eyes. "Yes he can. My God, Willow. He's in love with you, finally gets to kiss you and then you tell him to forget it. To act like it never happened. You didn't really give him much of a choice, did you?"

"I did to," Willow protested. She sighed, "No, I didn't. Not really. If he thought that that was what I wanted, he would have agreed with me despite his own objections. He always put my happiness first."

"Would you talk to you this morning if you were him?" Buffy asked softly.

Willow felt a tear slide down her cheek as she shook her head, "Probably not. Oh, Buffy. Did I ruin it all? Why couldn't he just tell me?"

"I could ask you that question," the slayer said gently.

"Good grief. We're both so scared we almost lost each other," Willow realized.

"Don't," Buffy said. "It's not worth it to think of might have beens. Just do something to make sure it never happens again."

"What can I do? I pushed him away last night. If I had kept my mouth shut, he might have told me last night how he felt. I can't live with him ignoring me like he did today. It hurt so much. I love him so much," Willow said, her mind a mess of thoughts and emotions.

"Why don't we go get some ice cream? We can talk over a few double scoops," Buffy suggested with a small smile.

"Ok," Willow said, wiping her face. "Goddess, I feel so silly. Crying and acting so hysterical. I must look terrible."

"You look beautiful, as always," Buffy said. "I'll see if Davis can watch Anne. She's napping and I'd rather not wake her."

"Thanks Buffy," Willow said, smiling at her friend. "For listening and knowing the right thing to say."

"Me? Say the right thing? Hold the presses. I need to have you tell Giles that," Buffy said, laughing as she watched Willow smile. It had only taken what seemed like forever, but it seemed that Willow had finally realized the truth. Xander was in love with her.

**********

Willow let herself in the house, her mind still reeling from her time with Buffy. She couldn't believe she had been so oblivious to everything that existed between her and Xander. Did he really love her or was she going crazy? What if she just made a fool out of herself? He could laugh at her and they'd never be friends again. If that happened, she honestly didn't know what she would do. Or, he could take her into his arms and kiss her and everything would be all right. It was the latter possibility that was nagging at her mind. She had to be brave and take this chance or she might regret it for the rest of her life.

She walked into the living room, frowning when she saw that the lights were off. She flipped the switch on, blinking as brightness filled the room. She set her purse on the table, laying her coat on the couch as she moved towards the kitchen. It was empty also. She smiled softly, realizing that he must be upstairs writing. She went to the stairs, counting slowly as she made her way upstairs. She could do this. She would look into those dark eyes and tell him that she had loved him for years, that she wanted to wake up in his strong arms. And he'd react. She didn't know quite how he'd react, but she definitely knew that would statement would get a reaction. She just hoped that it wouldn't be bad.

She walked into their office, surprised to see his chair empty. The computer was turned off, the only light from the small lamp on her desk. She moved towards it, her fingers brushing against the switch as she turned it off. She moved out of the study, wondering why she had the sudden feeling that something was wrong. She pushed her doubts to the side, going to his room. She'd just have to confront him there, though that rather left her at a disadvantage in many ways. His space. Made her feel even more nervous. She changed directions halfway down the hallway, moving to her own room instead. She walked inside, breathing in the soft scent of spice and vanilla that made her almost relax.

She went to her bed and fell backwards, groaning. Goddess, she was weak. All she had to do was go into his room and be honest. It was so easy. Why was it so difficult? She moved onto her side, punching the pillow and looking at the picture of Xander that sat on her nightstand. He was laughing, the smile making his face come alive and his eyes sparkling with humor. She loved him so much. She sat up, determination in her green eyes. She got to her feet, moving with purpose as she opened her door and went back towards his room. She was going to do this. It was time to stop running and face her feelings for him. They weren't going to go away until they were resolved, regardless of the outcome. She smiled, feeling better with each step closer to him. She faced his door, frowning when she saw an envelope with her name on it. She took the envelope down, knocking softly as she glanced at the white paper with her name in his familiar scrawl. When there was no answer, she opened his door.

She looked inside, calling his name. She walked into his room, looking around as she hit the light. She saw the top drawer of his dresser hanging open, a sock hanging from it. She shakily sat on his bed, gulping as she opened the envelope. She pulled out the paper, reading his masculine writing.

Wills Went to LA. Delia needed me. Back in a few days. I'll call. Luv Ya Babe Xan

She dropped the paper, closing her eyes as she felt a tear drift down her cheek. Cordelia calls and he runs. She was crazy for thinking that he could love her. It had never been her. It had always been someone else. She couldn't believe she had let herself believe Buffy, and her own confused thoughts. He would always have someone like Cordelia waiting and she'd always be just the best friend. She got up, leaving the note on the floor as she walked out, slamming the door as she ran to her room, tears flowing steadily down her face.

**********

The sound of laughter filled the room, stopping only briefly for large gulps of unneeded air before it continued again. Blood red tears dripped onto the black sofa, streaking across a pale face. The sound of a cleared throat drew the attention of the two laughing males, making one look slightly guilty while the other continued laughing.

Angel wiped his eyes, looking sheepishly at the human glaring at them from the chair. "Sorry, Harris."

"I'm bloody well not," Spike said, his laughter stopping as he looked at Xander. "You're a moron, you know that?"

"Love you too, Blondie," Xander said in a sweet tone as his eyes shot sparks.

"Boys," Angel warned, his tone amused. His lover and the human never got along, the only thing either had in common being their friendship wish Willow. "Must I threaten punishment if you both aren't nice?"

"Can we use the new whip?" Spike asked, his eyes lighting with desire as he looked at his sire.

"Oh God," Xander groaned, making a face. "I so did not need that visual!"

"As if we needed one of you and my Red making out on the floor like teenagers?" Spike shot back, visibly shuddering.

"Would you like me to ask Cordelia to moderate this fight?" Angel asked, his tone innocent.

"God no," Xander said.

"Fuck that," Spike shot back at the same time. Both men looked at each other, rolling their eyes before getting comfortable in their respective chairs.

"Finally, something you both agree on," Angel muttered before resting his dark eyes on Xander. Strangely, the two had begun a friendship when Spike had moved back to LA. Angel knew that Xander had always considered the blond a threat to his relationship with Willow, knowing that the redhead and vampire were very good friends and enjoyed the occasional flirting. If he were honest, his own doubts about the purely friendly arrangement between Spike and Willow had surfaced several times when she had visited, only being extinguished by the obvious love she felt for Xander.

"Can we please get back to my problem here?" Xander asked both men. "You know, the reason I drove three damn hours to talk to you both."

"Complete ignorant moron," Spike said again, shaking his head. "You should be at home shagging Red senseless, making her scream your name in pleasure. But, noooooo, you're sitting here with us, preventing us from shagging senseless so we can listen to your pathetic human whining."

"I have to agree with Spike on this one," Angel said, smiling slightly. "About the you being at home with Willow part. What were you thinking, Xander? Leaving right after that kiss. That is not very smart."

"I don't know what to think," he said, glaring at Spike before turning to the man that was surprisingly one of his best friends. He knew that he and Spike were friends, in a sense. Neither would admit it, but they got along. They both loved Willow, which put a strain on things, but Xander knew that Spike was happy with Angel. He wasn't a threat anymore, but he had been for so long he couldn't get his mind not to be defensive around the handsome blonde. He knew, in his heart, that if Willow went to Spike and said she wanted him, there would be no hesitation before the vampire was shagging her like mad. That knowledge always put him on edge, no matter how happy Angel and Spike were. He knew that Angel wouldn't mind his lover taking Willow, probably joining in. Damn perverts, he cursed, glaring at them both as his mind continued to feed him images of what both would do to his Willow with just one word from her. "Damn it. I don't know why I came here. You both don't want us to get together, living in hope she'll come to you and want you. I was stupid to bother."

"Ey, now. Wait a damn minute," Spike said, angry at the boy's assumption. "I won't deny that I have feelings for Willow, or that I would not hesitate a second if she wanted me, but she doesn't. I'm not too stupid to see that. Fuck, that's the reason I had to leave Sunnydale. Seeing her all googly eyed over the likes of you when she could have had me. Made me ill. Still does in fact. Blimey, I should just run to Sunnydale and console her, shag her silly until she looks at me with those big green eyes and asks Xander who?"

"If you touch her, I'll...I'll...well, damn, I'll have Angel kill you!" Xander threatened back, seething at the idea of the vampire touching Willow.

"Spike, quit playing with the boy," Angel said dryly. "Xander, don't let him get to you. That's the only reason he bothers baiting you. It always works."

"Stay out of this, Peaches," Spike said, winking at his sire before facing the boy again. "This is between me and the moron. Always has been."

"She isn't yours," Xander said, trying to stay calm. Spike still scared him, no matter how many years they had all worked together. He didn't trust the blonde, not completely, but in another way, he didn't fear him.

"No, she isn't," Spike said, nodding. "She's yours, but right good that's doing anyone. You don't seem to know what to do with her. You know, they make books about that stuff. Lots of keen little drawings and such."

"She isn't mine either," Xander said softly, the fight leaving him as he fell back in the chair. "Fuck, I couldn't stop you if you did want her. She probably wants you anyway. Always had a bit of a crush on you, in my opinion."

"She did?" Spike smiled, his eyes lighting with happiness before he heard the soft growl of his lover. Looking at the dark haired vampire, he smirked, "What? I can't enjoy that knowledge? Shush, Peaches. You know who I'll be shagging tonight."

"Geez, is that all the two of you ever do?" Xander demanded, making a face.

"Just wait until you taste her, my boy. Then all you'll want to do is shag, too," Spike said. He groaned, "Damn it. I hate this. She wants you for some stupid reason. I want her to be happy. You will make her happy. That means I have to help you," he spat the last two words as he kicked at the table.

"You really think she loves me?" Xander asked, still disbelieving.

"Harris, quit being stupid," Angel warned, his tone impatient. "It's always been you. Now, what do you plan to do about it?"

"Yeah, cause kissing her and then running away is a bit juvenile," Spike added. "Thought you were a better man than that. Poor chit is probably all confused and worried."

"I left her a note," Xander said, not wanting to think that he had caused Willow to worry.

"You told her you were coming to see us?" Angel said, surprised.

"Nah," Xander grinned sheepishly. "Figured that would lead to a lot of questions. I told her that Delia needed me and that I'd be back in a few days."

Spike growled, "Can I please eat him, sire? Just a nice rip at the throat?"

"In this case, I may agree," Angel said, looking at Xander as if he was the stupidest man alive. "You told her that you were leaving town to spend several days with an ex-girlfriend? The same ex-girlfriend that kept you two apart all those years ago?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound so smart," Xander said, feeling childish and stupid. "I didn't want her to worry. I just needed some time to think...someone to listen."

"It's ok, moron," Spike said, sighing as he looked at the weak excuse for a human sitting across from them. "Love can make you do stupid things."

"And you can trust him," Angel said, smiling at his lover. "It's made him do some of the stupidest."

Xander looked at the two men, closing his eyes briefly. "What the hell am I going to do?"

"Tell us everything that happened," Spike said, making a face as he realized he'd have to hear in detail about the kiss. "I know Willow. Maybe I can figure out what she was thinking."

"I know her too," Xander said, glaring at Spike. "And I have no idea what she was thinking."

"You're too close to this one, Xander," Angel said softly. "She's good at covering up her feelings about you when you two are together. Spike has spent months watching her. He might recognize something that you didn't even notice."

"Yeah, what he said," Spike said, wanting to help the boy only because he had realized years ago that the two belonged together. He made Willow happy for some reason. Besides, he had an eternity to wait for her to be his, while the moron didn't. He could be nice, this once, and help them. Besides, it would mean Angel owed him one and he really wanted to try out that new whip on his sire. If he was really nice, he might get to play.

**********

Xander stopped the car and took a deep breath. He had ended up spending two days in LA, calling Willow several times and only getting the answering machine. He had called Buffy finally the day before, catching up with his friend and finding out that Willow was indeed all right. He had just missed her the few times he had phoned. Now, he was home. Ready to go inside and face an uncertain future. Strangely, it was Spike that had finally convinced him that Willow felt the same way that he did. The one other man that wanted her as much as he did had provided him with the words needed to get him off his ass to confront his feelings for Willow.

He got out of the car, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he entered his house. He saw the lights on in the living room and the kitchen, but both rooms were empty. Frowning, he set the bag down and called out her name. He went into the kitchen, opening a can of soda and noticed that the back door was open. He ventured outside, catching sight of her swinging slowly in the cool night air. Smiling as he looked at her, he realized that the best part of going away was coming home to her. She always looked even more beautiful to him, more vibrant. He moved closer, staying silent in an effort to surprise her. She didn't know he was due back that night, and he was hoping she'd be glad to see him.

Willow moved slowly in the swing, not attempting to actually put effort into it. She had come outside after the silence in the house had gotten suffocating. Everywhere she looked, she saw Xander. His cup, his chair, his shoe under the living room coffee table. He was all over the place. She had almost packed a bag and gone to Buffy's, figuring the guest room would be better than staying in their home alone. But, she had tried to be realistic. She had stayed alone several times when he had flown to New York on business. It hadn't been terribly difficult then, though she had been relieved each time he had come home. She listened to the leaves above her rustle as a soft breeze blew her hair away from her face. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the rope holding the swing in place.

She sat there, her feet brushing against the grass she became lost in thought. She was torturing herself with possibilities of what Xander and Cordelia were doing in LA. She hadn't known that her friend was interested in Xander, not in that way. She and Delia wrote email daily, often talking on the phone at least once a week. Last she had heard, Charles was still the number one guy in Cordy's life, the two having been together for more years than she could remember. It seemed weird that Xander would be called to LA so suddenly. She had almost called her friend, but decided that would be silly. She had received a few messages from Xander, telling her that LA was great and he'd be home soon. No mention of anything else. She wondered where Gunn had been during Xan's visit, the two never getting along very well during their visits to LA. She knew she was trying to make herself feel better. Hoping that Gunn had found Xander hanging around his girl and beaten some sense into her idiot best friend. Of course, the part of her that loved Xander hated the idea of him ending up in the hospital.

She did know that when he got back, they had to talk. She couldn't continue living like this. She had always thought she was strong. That some part of him was better than no part. But, she had been lying to herself. She wanted him in her life so badly. Not only as a friend, but as a lover too. He needed to know that, even if it didn't change anything. They might be able to still be friends even if he did detest her after hearing the truth. Somehow though she doubted that he would be that horrible. They were best friends after all, and she couldn't imagine letting something as small as love and lust get between that. And she was living in a dream world. She sighed, wondering why love hurt so badly.

"Willow, are you ok?" Xander asked softly, having heard her heartbroken sigh. He watched as she gasped, turning in the swing to face him, tears on her cheeks and eyes wide. He looked at the wetness on her face and reached out his hand, brushing away a tear. "Why are you crying?"

"Xander?" she whispered, wondering if she was dreaming.

"Yeah, baby. It's me. Why are you sitting out here alone in the dark crying?" he asked again, his eyes taking in the sight of her. "Did something happen? Is Buffy ok?"

"She's fine," Willow said softly, feeling a bit of jealousy at the concern in his eyes and voice for their friend.

"Then, why?" he asked, moving to squat in front of her. He took her hand without realizing it, needing to feel her any way that he could.

"How's Cordy?" Willow asked, blinking away the tears. "Are you two, you know, together now?"

"Me and Cordy?" Xander laughed, making a face. "I love her dearly, but Gunn would kick my ass if I so much as looked at her in any way other than friendly. But, to answer your question, she and Gunn are doing well. Still living together and I think she may have a proposal in her future. At least, that's what Angel thinks."

"Then, why did you go visit her?" Willow asked. "I thought you and she must be getting back together."

"She's in my past, Willow. That was high school. I do care about her, as a friend. Even then, it was never really love. Not mature love at least," he said, wondering if that sounded as stupid as he thought it did. To be a writer, he had a horrible way with words. "Besides, I didn't go to LA to see her."

"You didn't?" she repeated, looking down into his eyes.

"Nope. Went to see Spike and Angel actually. Needed a break from Sunnyhell," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"Oh. How are they?" she asked, trying to keep her voice unchanged. He went to see Angel and Spike?

"Happy and sex crazed as usual," he said, grimacing comically for her.

"Why did you say you went to see Cordelia?" she asked.

He shrugged, "Thought I might see her."

She nodded before pulling her hand free. She let the swing twist back around, not wanting to look into his face as she said what she was going to say. "Xan, we need to talk."

He stood, scowling as he moved his hands to her shoulders. He saw her stiffen and watched her hands tighten around the rope. He sighed, "Later, ok Wills? It's been a long few days and I don't really have the energy to talk."

She nodded, wondering if he knew what she wanted to discuss. Finally deciding that she was growing paranoid in her old age, she leaned into his hands as they moved down her back and began to push her in the swing. What she needed to say could surely wait one more day after all.

**********

Willow entered their study, not surprised to see Xander at the computer. He had been gone several days without his book. She was surprised he had taken the time off last night to talk to her at all. Not that they had ever really talked. More like spent time together in a comfortable silence, never talking about the things they should have been talking about. She had not slept at all, too worried about what her future was going to hold. She was going to do it, though. She was going to tell him everything and face whatever consequences might be awaiting her. She sat down, watching him nod absently in her direction, his eyes not moving from the computer. She sighed, turning on her computer as she settled in the chair, deciding to check email before beginning work. Her talk with him could wait until later. It wasn't like he was really going anywhere.

It took all of his control not to look at Willow when she came into the room. But, Xander knew better. If he looked at her, she'd know. She'd see it in his eyes and she'd start asking questions that he was not brave enough to answer. Not now at least. Soon, though. Before the sun set, he'd tell her he loved her. He nodded, re-reading the last paragraph he had written. Yep, he'd tell her in his own way. He frowned, deleting some of the words and re-writing them. He wanted this to be perfect. He glanced at his notepad, checking his outline before he began to type. The one big thing he had accomplished while in LA had been the remainder of the outline for Seize the Night. It was finally finished, he just had to get it written. That would be the fun part, but it was almost there. He only had a few more chapters to write. His eyes became focused as he lost himself to the words.

Willow finished with her email, answering a rather confusing note from Spike and smiling as she saw that Buffy had sent her an email. She didn't understand why the former slayer would send email when they spoke almost every day. But, Buffy loved to send rambling mindless emails about things that rarely were important but often made her smile during a boring day at work. She answered her friend, turning her computer off and getting to work. She began with a manuscript she had been working on for days. A long winded, boring account of a woman's journeys through Europe. It had the promise of being an interesting journal, but so far it was just dull as dirt. She couldn't enjoy some professor's views of architecture while her mind was elsewhere. But, she had to finish it. She had told her supervisor she'd be sending in twelve edited manuscripts by Friday and this was the last one. Sighing, she tried to block everything but the words in front of her.

Hours past as she finished the editing. She had just put her pen down and was rubbing her temples when she heard a triumph shout. Looking up, she had to smile, knowing what that meant. "Already finished?"

Xander looked at her and beamed as he clicked save one final time. "Just about. Man, this is some sort of record for me. I just couldn't get Nick to shut up."

"Yeah, that Nick can be a talker," she said, not even slightly concerned that she had begun to consider Xander's character as a real person. After several years of hearing him referred to as such, it became easy to blur the lines. "So, almost finished? What's left?"

Xander shrugged, "Just trying to decide on the end. I've got two in mind, you know. The last chapter and all that stuff. Just not sure which one fits."

"Well, IF I had read any of it, I'd help, BUT..." Willow said, her tone amused.

"Yeah, I know. I've been even more secretive about this one than usual. Didn't mean to be," he apologized.

"Is ok," she said, smiling at him as she stretched. "I'm sure whatever you decide will be great."

"Well, that's where the problem is," he said, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. "I have no idea what should happen. I want this to be perfect, Wills. It's become a bit of a pet project of sorts."

"What do you need?" she asked, leaning forward as she was caught by the sincere look in his eyes. "You know that I'll do what I can."

"You see, I know how things go up until about chapter 13. It's chapter 14 and 15 that is leaving me stumped," he explained, looking at the notes on his notepad and then back at her. "Either of the choices will honestly work, but I know which one I'd prefer. I'm just not sure if it works. I was wondering if you could do me a bit of a favor."

"Sure, you can tell me the endings and I'll help you decide," she said, understanding how difficult the last parts were for him. He always had a slight problem deciding the exact way to end each book. She always thought he was rather reluctant to see them end, yet almost always ending each as if it would be the last, just in case he never got another written. She had often been his sound board for ideas, though he rarely gave her definite outlines, always leaving it rather vague. She smiled, comfortable for the first time in over a week at the familiar activity.

"Actually, that's not what I was thinking," he said, removing the disk from his computer. "What?" she said, slightly confused.

He stood, moving towards her, "Here. It's all on here, from beginning to near end. Will you read it?"

"The entire thing?" she said, taking the disk almost as if it were gold. "Really? You want me to read it before it's finished?"

He nodded, smiling slightly at her reaction, "I didn't realize that I was that bad...."

"You're not," she automatically defended. Smiling sheepishly, she added, "Well, not all the time."

"Read it, ok Wills?" he said, hoping he wasn't begging too much. "I'll leave you in peace so you can read straight through. Thanks for doing this, Will."

"It's nothing," she said softly, her fingers brushing against his hand as she stared into his eyes, again caught by the look in those dark brown eyes. "I'll have it read soon, then we can brainstorm about which ending might work."

"The end is entirely up to you," he said quietly, gulping as she took the disk and turned the computer on. He sighed softly, leaving the room, knowing that there was no turning back. It was done.

**********

Xander hesitated outside the door to the study. It had been a little over six hours since he had left Willow with the manuscript. Glancing at his watch, he corrected himself. Six hours, twelve minutes and almost fifty seconds. Laughing shakily, he took a deep breath. Maybe he was being stupid. She might have understood at all. She might be so not in love with him, or even with the idea of being in love with him, that she would fail to see what he had been trying to tell her. He couldn't speak the words, but Nick might be able to tell her for him. After all, she seemed to understand Nick as well as he did. He put his hand on the doorknob, the cool of the metal warming under his touch. Knowing he had put if off long enough, he turned it, walking inside, ready to face his future.

Xander saw Willow sitting in her chair, much like she had been when he had left her. She was leaning back, the computer screen on the final page that he had written. She had finished it. Letting out his breath, he waited, not sure what to say. How did one go about asking their one true love if she understood the subtle language in his book, if she acknowledged his feelings, if she returned his feelings. Too many questions to ask, and no right way of asking. He watched as she turned to look at him, her face wet from tears. He inhaled sharply, his face falling as he saw that she was upset. Moving forward, he started to reach his hand out to touch her face, "Willow?"

"I finished it," she said so softly he could barely hear. She looked at him, trying to see if her suspicions could possibly be true. Seeing the fear in his eyes, the worry and hope, she knew. She wasn't crazy.

"And?" he asked hesitantly, his hand falling.

"It was the best thing you've ever written," she said honestly, her eyes still on his. "Nick was at his best."

Xander smiled sheepishly, pleased by her compliments, "Really? I thought he was rather oblivious and foolish myself."

"Well, yeah, but it is part of what makes him so charming," she said, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "He was stupid though."

"How so?" Xander asked, wondering if she had understood.

"He was being a scaredy cat. Not telling her how he felt. Always closing himself off when things got too close. Always running instead of facing the truth," she said softly, a small smile on her face.

"He had his reasons," Xander defended, still not sure what to think. Leave it to Willow to not give him a straight idea of what was happening.

"Were they enough to risk losing what was meant to be?" she asked, needing to know.

"No," he said, shaking his hand. He laughed a bit self consciously, "I would, I mean, Nick would never want to lose her. He wasn't scared, exactly. He just doesn't feel that he's good enough for her. She deserves so much more than he could ever be, or give to her. How could she want him?"

"Maybe because he's intelligent, sweet, loyal, handsome and has the most beautiful smile she's ever seen. Maybe he makes her feel loved and happy no matter how awful things are in the real world. Maybe she wants to go to sleep beside him every night and wake up in his arms every morning. Maybe she wants to grow old with him, telling their children and grandchildren stories from their childhood," Willow said in a rush, her face flaming slightly. "Maybe she's not good enough for him. Not pretty enough. Not poised enough. He deserves so much happiness."

"With her, he has it," Xander said quietly, not believing that she had though herself not good enough for him. If it was really him they were talking about. Damn, he was getting confused by his own game. "He feels special just with one look from her. One smile from her can make his entire day happy, cure anything horrible that is happening. She's so beautiful, so smart. She makes him a better person, makes him strive to be the best at what he loves to do. It's going to sound corny but she makes him a better man."

"She does?" Willow said, sniffling.

"Yeah, she does," Xander said softly. "With her in his life, things aren't so bad."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Why what?"

"Why couldn't you just tell me?" she asked.

"I tried," Xander said, running a hand over his face. "God, did I try. So many times. But, then, I couldn't. I kept thinking you couldn't ever feel like that about me. That we were just friends. That you couldn't want me."

"I did," she said softly. "I felt the same things. I didn't want to lose your friendship if you couldn't think of me that way. I just fought my feelings, tried to ignore them. I was going to tell you tonight."

"You were?" he said, smiling.

"Yeah," she said, smiling. "You beat me to it."

"Guess I did," he said, looking down and then looking back at her face. "So, how does this one end?"

She smiled, feeling happier than she had in so long. She moved forward, leaning up and whispering in his ear, "The hero gets the girl?"

She then brushed her lips against his, the kiss deepening as their bodies moved together. She whimpered, not believing that this was really happening. She was in Xander's arms, kissing him and he loved her. It was as electric as the previous kiss had been, setting her entire body on fire as they touched. She opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to enter it, hers entering his as they continued to kiss.

**********

Light streamed into the room bathing everything with the soft rays of sunlight. A picture stood on the bedside table, a happy couple smiling. They were children, six years old. The girl was smiling, red hair falling over one shoulder as she smiled into the camera. The boy was grinning, showing off the recent loss of a tooth. His arm was slung haphazardly around her shoulders, a baseball cap on his head. Their heads were bent together, happiness in their eyes. Beside that picture, there stood another. The same couple, years later. The woman was dressed in white, a veil pulled back against her red hair. She was smiling, her green eyes lit. The man looked handsome in a black tuxedo, his arm around the blushing bride, a large smile on his face showing off perfect white teeth. Their heads were bent together, happiness in their eyes.

A low moan came from the bed as a pale arm reached over and hit the snooze button on the alarm clock. "Too early to get up."

"Dunno, sweetie," a muffled voice said, slightly amused, "I'm already up."

A husky giggle, "You're always *up*."

"Only for you, honey," he said, moving against her back and kissing her neck.

"Do we really have to get back to work today?" she asked, moving onto her back, her left hand unconsciously moving down and beginning to stroke his length as she looked into his dark eyes.

"Uh huh," he said, kissing her in several short kisses, savoring her taste. "We've been off for the past month."

"I know," she said smiling as she licked his lower lip. "It's been fantastic."

"I still can't believe you didn't want to go anywhere," he said, his hand brushing across her cheek as she continued to stroke his hardness.

"What? As long as you're with me, I'm happy. Staying home was easy to manage plus we had our own bed," she pointed out, motioning to the place they had spent the majority of the past four weeks.

"You're something else," he said, kissing her again. "For our anniversary, we go out of town."

"Yes dear," she said, pushing him onto his back with an impish grin. She moved above his cock, sinking onto him with a soft grunt. She began to ride him, loving the feeling of him stretching her so wide. "We'll discuss it next year."

He groaned, pushing up into her as his hands tightened around her hips. He would have a year to convince her that they should go somewhere. They had been married a month before in a nighttime outdoor ceremony, Buffy her matron of honor, Spike his best man. He had heard said best man promise his bride that one day he'd come for her and she'd live for eternity, but he had expected that. Willow had laughed, telling Spike she'd be waiting for him before kissing him and sending him on his way. Xander had felt no jealousy, knowing that he had truly won. She was his, finally. To think that not six months ago they had been caught up in their own game of silence, almost not confessing their feelings. Now, his latest Nick Night book was about to be published with fantastic preliminary reviews, they were married and had just celebrated their honeymoon. He looked into Willow's eyes, smiling as they moved together, "I love you, Mrs. Harris."

"I love you too, Mr. Harris," she said, leaning down and catching his lips as they continued to move, the sunlight bathing them in a soft glow.

THE END