Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Willow ran the wash cloth along Tara's forehead, brushing away the drops of sweat that had gathered on her lover's brow. She sighed, a sad smile on her pretty face as she put the cloth on the dresser. She sat back in her chair, her green eyes watching her sleeping girlfriend. It had taken nearly two hours for the girl to find sleep tonight, only drifting off with help from her prescribed sleeping pills. It had been nearly three months since Tara's meeting with Glory. Three months with Tara's condition continuing to deteriorate slowly. Willow stood when she saw that Tara was in a deep sleep, the girl's eyelids fluttering slightly.

The redhead got a soda and a bag of chips before moving back to her chair. She had started to sit up at night with Tara, knowing the girl never made it through an hour of sleep without waking up screaming from her nightmares. It had been three months since Willow had slept for more than an hour. She had circles under her eyes and her skin was more pale than usual. She didn't mind though. She loved Tara. She'd promised to take care of her after Glory had destroyed her lover. She never complained, knowing that she had made her own choice. She could have easily put Tara into a hospital, let someone else look after the girl. That just didn't seem right. She was responsible for Tara's condition, she should be the one taking care of her. She'd just never imagined how difficult that would be.

She sat back down, her eyes moving to Tara's face. She missed her lover. She knew it was selfish to think of how Tara's problem affected her, but she couldn't deny that the thought hadn't crossed her mind. She hated seeing Tara like this, knowing that the girl would never be the same. Their days were becoming routine. She'd wake Tara, help the girl bathe and then feed her before going to school. She'd hired a woman to sit with Tara when she was at school, a certified nurse that was able to monitor Tara's condition. It seemed that Glory had ruined any chance that Tara would ever have of living a normal life. Willow had hoped in the beginning that there might be a chance that the condition would fade, but time had shown that was just a dream.

Tara no longer recognized her at all. For the last six weeks, eyes would look dully at her with no memory of their time together or the love that they shared. Tara would sit in a chair beside the window, eyes looking unseeingly outside and her lips moving as soft words fell from her lips. Words that never made sense to anyone except herself. There were times that Willow would see a glimmer of the girl that she loved, but it would quickly fade. Willow heard a groan come from the bed, green eyes looking up with resignation. It was another nightmare. It seemed that Glory had taken everything from Tara, leaving behind nightmares and haunting images. So many times, Willow wished she could share her lover's pain, take away the nightmares and have them herself. Anything to help Tara.

God, she was only 20 years old. She had no idea who she was, who any of her friends were. There was no basis for reality. Her life was ruined before her twenty-first birthday. Willow had never enjoyed bringing down a demon as much as she had enjoyed Glory's demise. She had honestly wanted the bitch to suffer for as long as Tara would suffer, feeling that the time it took for them to destroy Glory was not nearly enough. She put her soda can beside the chair, playing the barely eaten bag of chips beside them. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, knowing the signs by heart now. Soon, Tara would wake up screaming, a look of complete fear and horror in her beautiful eyes. Willow would hold her until the nightmare faded then she'd fall asleep again only for the cycle to repeat within an hour.

Willow took Tara's hand, her fingers drawing small circles along the palm. She had learned that this action tended to quiet Tara, maybe bringing some vague memory into the girl's conscious. Whichever it was, Willow had learned to use it to calm Tara after her nightmares. She felt Tara's hand tighten around hers, eyes flashing open as Tara cried out in pain. Willow felt tears in her eyes as she watched her lover's face twisted in agony.

"Shh, honey. It was just a dream," she said softly, keeping her voice low and soft. She'd learned that Tara did not react well to loud voices or sharp tones. Tara looked at her, eyes unseeing as she ran her left hand over her arms.

"Hurts," she said in a soft voice, rubbing her arm harder, trying to free her right hand from Willow's. "Burns."

Willow closed her eyes briefly, a tear escaping down her cheek as she gathered her strength. She kept tight hold of Tara's hand, knowing from experience that the girl would rub her skin raw if allowed. She had no idea what the nightmares were about, but Tara would often mention burning. Willow didn't understand why fire would cause Tara to scrape her skin, but it was just another part of Tara's illness that she didn't comprehend. She'd had to bathe Tara since a couple of weeks after the attack. She'd gone in and found the girl with a wash cloth, having rubbed her arms until they had been bleeding. Tara had just looked at her, an almost child like statement on her face as Willow had quickly reacted, pulling Tara from the water and just holding her. What could she do except hold her until the pain went away? She felt so helpless. "Tara, baby, listen to me. It was just a dream. Go back to sleep. I will never let anything hurt you ever again."

Tara's eyes looked at the blanket, her hand dropping from her arm as she began to pull on a frayed thread. She began to whisper to herself, rocking slowly as her chest moved with each sharp intake of breath. Willow moved closer, hugging her love as she whispered softly for her to go back to sleep. They stayed that way for a while, Willow's arms wrapped around Tara. She felt Tara pull away, eyes looking into hers. She smiled softly, brushing her fingers along Tara's cheek. She had never loved anyone as much as she loved Tara. Even now, she felt such love. It wasn't the same kind of love she had felt before. She had resigned herself to knowing that she would never have that Tara in her life again. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise as Tara's eyes cleared, looking at her with recognition for the first time in months. "Tara?"

"Help me," Tara whispered, her hand moving along Willow's cheek in an imitation of Willow's own. Within seconds of uttering the words, she looked away, her lips moving in her own special language.

"Go to sleep, honey," Willow said, pushing Tara to lie back down, the girl going easily as her eyelids drooped.

She held onto Tara's hand until her girlfriend was asleep again. Willow closed her eyes, tightening her grasp as she exhaled slowly. Tara had known it was her. For the first time since Glory's attack, she had known her. Willow felt more tears on her cheeks as she thought back over the past three months. Tara had lived through hell, was now living in hell. Willow had to wonder if her Tara was there somewhere, trapped in the mental prison with no way of escaping. For a brief moment tonight, she'd believe that was possible. Willow finally let Tara's hand go, standing as she undressed. She pulled her tank top and shorts on, her eyes noticing that it was nearly four in the morning. She picked up the soda, walking mechanically into the kitchen as she put the remains in the trash. She fastened the chips and left them on the cabinet before walking back to Tara.

Willow stood at the end of the bed, her eyes moving lovingly over her girlfriend. In sleep, she appeared almost the same. Willow could almost convince herself that nothing had happened, that it had all been some terrible nightmare. With a soft sigh, she kneeled on the bed, crawling up it until she sat beside Tara. She ran her hand over Tara's face, seeing the cuts and bruises that Tara had caused when unattended. She leaned over, brushing her lips gently across Tara's. She could feel wetness on her cheeks as she remembered Tara's words, the eyes that had pleaded with her before her control had again slipped. Closing her eyes, her head fell back and she looked at the ceiling. She took several deep breaths, tears falling silently down her face as she picked up her pillow. When she opened her eyes, they were resolved and sad. She looked down at her hands, watching as she lifted the pillow and placed it over Tara's face. She began to take deep dragging breaths as she continued to cry, pushing the pillow down.

There was no struggle as she held it tight, her eyes becoming a bit dull as sobs overwhelmed her. She held the pillow for several minutes, knowing that this was wrong but also knowing that it was what Tara had wanted. How could she be doing this? She was killing the only person that she loved. She closed her eyes, a moan coming from between her lips torn by her own teeth. She felt her grip loosen as the pillow fell away from Tara's face. Willow opened her eyes, pulling the pillow tight against her body. She cried as she saw that Tara was no longer breathing. Tara's eyes were closed, her mouth smiling slightly. Willow's head fell forward as she began to sob, not fully understanding what she had done but knowing in her heart that it had been right. She brushed her lips against Tara's one more time, whispering softly, "I love you."

THE END