Inell's Fanfiction Archive

"Buffy, could you please at least pretend that you're paying attention?" Giles asked as he glared at his slayer.

"I am paying attention," she defended as a guilty look entered her hazel eyes. She gave him a lopsided smile as she said, "Sort of."

"We're almost finished, then you can run along and meet the others," he said, hoping that holding out a carrot would entice her to concentrate.

"I really have been listening, Giles," she said, having half heard everything that he had said since she had sat down. She was growing accustomed to dividing her attention after everything that had happened over the last couple of months. First, coming home, back to Sunnydale, back to Willow. That had been tough at first, trying to be around her friend without letting the redhead know of her importance. Buffy had realized shortly after arriving in LA that the feelings she had for Willow went beyond friendship. She'd felt as if someone had ripped out her soul, torn her heart in two, any number of vivid and grotesque symbols that she had begun to equate with the feeling of losing Willow, of not seeing that special smile that was reserved for her, of not being able to pick up the phone and have hour long chats (though she had made numerous calls to Willow during her months in LA, always hanging up when she heard that sweet voice), of not being able to let Willow know how she really felt. When she had returned home, Willow had been frosty at first, which she understood. It hadn't taken long for her redhead to forgive her for leaving, for their friendship to pick up where it had left off. Then, Faith had arrived.

Faith's arrival had brought about more changes, more adapting. Angel's return had been surprising and difficult, catching her unaware entirely. She'd lied to her friends, kept him a secret until it had blown up in her face. That time, Willow hadn't been as easy with her forgiveness. It had taken work on Buffy's part, many promises to never keep any more secrets from the people that she loved. And now, not two months later, she was keeping the biggest secret of her life. Some way to keep a promise she thought with a slight smile. It had been nearly two months since she had confessed to Willow that she loved her.

She could remember every detail of that night. Patrol had been easy and light with nothing to slay. Faith had actually gone to get ice cream with them before leaving with a smile, something that still rather shocked Buffy. Faith smiling, a sincere smile, not one of those cocky arrogant smirks. She and Willow had gone by her house, chatting with her Mom before going to Buffy's room to pack. She'd stayed over with Willow, the redhead's parents off at a conference in Miami for two weeks. They'd been laying on the bed watching Where Are They Now on VH1, making fun of some of the acts mentioned, laughing and pretty much having a good time when she'd done it. She, to this day, had no idea why she had or what she was thinking. She hadn't been thinking, actually. She'd just let herself feel for the first time in over a year. She'd leaned over and kissed Willow.

Buffy laughed softly as she remembered Willow's stunned reaction, the wide green eyes and confused look. She'd pulled back from the kiss and told Willow that she loved her. She guessed that she must have had a look in her eyes or something because Willow had seemed to know that she meant love love and not friendly love. For the first time since she'd met her, Willow had been speechless. Buffy had stuttered out her feelings, telling Willow that she hadn't realized what she felt until she had left. She'd confessed all of her thoughts and feelings, even the weird confused ones that she still didn't understand. Willow had listened in silence, a silence that had scared Buffy far more than facing the Master. In fact, it had caused Buffy to babble at a rapid speed. Even now, she had no clear idea of everything she had said. She knew she had told Willow of times that she had felt love, had recognized that their connection was something meant to be, things that she had spent hours upon hours remembering while in LA. It was rather sad that she could remember almost every detail concerning Willow, from her smell to her words to her thoughts to her emotions, from the first moment she met her.

When she had finished, Willow had said one word that had caused more babbling from the slayer. Angel. Buffy had tried to explain about her feelings for the vampire, about the love that she still felt for him, and about the difference in that love and what she felt for Willow. Angel had been important to her, was still a good friend, but he hadn't been Willow. Willow was her soulmate, if there was such a thing. Her friend, the voice of reason, the push that Buffy so often needed, the bright spot in her life, the one that reminded her that slaying wasn't a job, it was who she was, the one that Buffy knew was the reason she was still alive. If not for Willow, she wouldn't be who she was. She couldn't remember the exact words she had used, trying to make Willow understand the depth of her feelings, but she recalled vividly how Willow had reacted. The redhead had smiled at her, that special smile reserved for her, and then she'd kissed her back.

They hadn't stopped at kissing that night, making love as they both tried to express what they had kept hidden for so long. Willow told Buffy the next morning that she had fallen in love with her the first time they met when she had smiled and introduced herself. Of course, as Willow admitted, she'd also believed herself to be in love with Xander at the time and had chalked her reaction up to stress and the happiness at having a new friend. Buffy had found out that Willow had realized it was more than just friendship after Angel had lost his soul, that Willow had had a moment of clarity and knew that she was in love with Buffy. In a way, Buffy could look back on those wasted months, wishing they had spoken up earlier, but she knew it hadn't been their time. They'd been so young, not that they were that old now. Seniors, though. Nearly out on their own. They'd grown up more in two years than most people did after ten, so their maturity level was greatly improved. She also no longer cared what people thought of her, knowing that the only thing that mattered was what she thought of herself. Willow was more confident too. She'd watched her shy, quiet friend blossom into a sexy, capable woman over the last two years. Now, Willow was hers, even if the world still didn't know it.

Buffy glanced at her watch, tuning in and hearing Giles continue reading whatever it was he thought she should hear. It wasn't important, just some random thing he had discovered in one of those boring old dusty books. Had it been important, she'd have been paying more attention instead of letting herself get caught up in the memory of the last two wonderful months. Angel was the only one that knew about Willow. Strangely enough, he'd been completely supportive, giving them somewhere to hang out and just enjoy being in love. She knew it had to be difficult for him, seeing her with Willow, but he had told her that he'd always known he was sharing her with Willow, not at all surprised that the redhead returned her feelings. They had been putting off telling the others, still trying to get used to their relationship, wanting to enjoy the secret for just a little longer. It was about time to come out, though. Faith was suspicious, having already confronted them a couple of times wanting to know if she was right. They'd laughed it off, never denying but never confirming either. The brunette slayer seemed to have accepted their lack of argument as a confirmation on her thoughts. She'd hang with them now, referring to them as a couple in private but she'd never say anything around the others, seeming to know that they weren't ready yet.

Tonight, they were going to a movie before patrol. A real date. Popcorn, sharing candy, sitting close together and necking. She couldn't wait. It would be the first time they were going out in public, risking someone seeing them. They weren't going to be too obvious, not wanting their friends to hear from someone else. Tomorrow after school was when they planned to announce their new status to their friends. Buffy planned on telling her Mom after the movie. Willow was going with her, both fearing what Joyce might say. Buffy knew her Mom was cool, but she wasn't sure how cool, so she was worried. She was going to do it though. She was tired of hiding her feelings for Willow, skulking around in the shadows like criminals. They were in love, knew each other well enough to finish each other's sentences, shared their hopes, dreams and fears. Every time they made love, Buffy would find herself almost crying from the emotions she felt for Willow. A love like that wasn't meant to be a secret. She wanted to be able to touch and feel and hold and whisper to her lover without caring who saw them.

She leaned back in the chair, a smile crossing her face as she thought about their movie date. She hoped it was dark in the back row. She had a few surprises for Willow, wanting the girl to always remember their first real date.

"Buffy, what is it?" Giles asked, drawing the slayer from her thoughts.

"Huh?" she looked at him in confusion, having missed whatever it was he had said.

"That smile," he said dryly, rubbing his temple, "that I've got a secret smile that you've had plastered on your face for the last five minutes."

"I've gotta secret?" she repeated with a curling of her lips. She looked at him in what she hoped was an innocent way and said, "Everyone has secrets, Giles. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. But, I wasn't smiling for any particular reason."

"Why do I not believe you?" he asked, studying his slayer carefully, knowing she was hiding something, had been hiding something for the last month at least.

"Because you're distrusting and old," she said, winking at him as he rolled his eyes.

"I am not old," he defended before looking at the book. "We've had enough of this text. It's getting late and I'm sure you've got things to do."

"Yeah, actually, I do," she said, getting to her feet before he could take it back. "I'll see you tomorrow, Giles. I need to talk to you after school, nothing too important that can't wait."

"I'll be looking forward to it," he said as he shut the book.

"Oh, and Giles?" Buffy stopped by the door, looking back at him with a mischievous look before she walked out, 'I've gotta secret!" she said with a wink before turning and leaving, heading off to meet Willow for their date.