Inell's Fanfiction Archive

Buffy stood outside the door, her eyes moving over each letter as she read Angel Investigations over and over again. She had been standing outside for nearly twenty minutes, just putting off going inside. In a way, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. To go to Angel and ask for his help after everything that had happened between them just seemed so wrong suddenly. She should simply turn around and go back to Sunnydale. Go back to seeing Willow lost in thoughts about her. Gathering her strength, she pushed open the door and walked inside. She glanced around the office, not surprised to find that Cordelia had already gone for the evening. She knew she should call out for Angel, let him know she was there, but she remained silent, instead moving towards Delia's desk. Papers were stacked in neat piles, familiar handwriting covering small yellow post it notes, a picture framed beside a lamp. Buffy looked closely at the picture, somewhat surprised to see the faces of her and her friends looking back at her. She remembered when the picture had been taken, during senior year before everything had gone to hell. Well, before Angel had come back, before Faith had arrived....when they thought their only enemy that year would be Snyder, not having any idea of what lay ahead. Her fingers traced over Willow's face, a sharp rush of jealousy shooting through her as she saw the possessive way Oz's arm was laying around the pretty redhead's shoulders.

"Buffy?" Angel asked softly, surprised to see the blonde slayer. He glanced behind him at the elevator, knowing that downstairs Faith was waiting for him. He covered his surprise, seeing the face he remembered all too well look at him silently. "What are you doing here?"

Buffy was taken aback at the sharp tone in his voice. True, they hadn't really spoken for several months, but the last time they had seen each other, she had thought they were going to try to be friends. She almost laughed at that thought. They could never be friends, not true friends. That was probably the only thing Spike had ever been right about. She decided to get straight to the point, not wanting to be around Angel anymore than necessary. "I need your help."

"My help?" he asked, his eyes softening in concern as he looked her over. She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was a mess and she was wearing old sweats. He had never seen her look so bad, yet her eyes were the same. The same fight still in their hazel depths. "What's wrong, Buffy?"

Hearing him say her name in that soft way of his almost did her in. She almost went to him, just to feel the embrace of someone that had once wanted her love. Just to be held by a friend, to cry on his shoulder and tell him everything. She couldn't do that, though. "Faith."

Angel stiffened at the hissed word, irritation crossing his face, "Buffy, I don't have time for this."

"Well, thanks a lot," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and glaring at him. "What's with this attitude? I just said her name."

"Why don't you just go back to Sunnydale," he said, sighing as he ran his hand over his face. "I'm not in the mood for some stupid slayer rivalry at the moment."

"I only came here because I thought you could help me find her," Buffy said tightly, thankful that she had resisted the urge to tell him everything.

"Why me?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"Because, well, because you're Angel," she said, knowing that was a stupid excuse. She sighed loudly, "because you're the only person I knew of to ask. I couldn't really go to Giles about this, and there was noone else."

"What do you want with her?" he asked.

Buffy's eyes suddenly narrowed, "Wait a damn minute here. You knew!"

"Excuse me?" he asked, wondering if it was possible for a vampire to get a headache.

"You didn't seem surprised that I was looking for her. You knew she woke up from her coma. How did you know? Do you know what else she did?" Buffy demanded.

"This is my house. I am not going to have you come in here and demand answers from me," he said quietly.

"Angel, how did you know?" Buffy asked.

"Damn, B. Don't you ever shut up?" Faith asked, stepping into the room. "No wonder he came to LA...."

"This is rich," Buffy said, looking at Faith and seeing the brunette wearing a shirt that obviously belonged to Angel, and nothing else. Her hair was wet and she appeared to have just gotten out of the shadow. "You bitch!"

"Buffy," Angel warned softly, having no desire to see slayer blood spilled on his office floor.

"Guess you weren't that good, Faith. I mean, he's still got the soul and all. Too bad he can't share it with you," Buffy spat out, staring daggers at the other slayer.

"Wait a fucking minute!" Faith said, her eyes widening. "You think I fucked Fang?"

"Why not? Completely ruin Willow's life and then run to LA for a nice fuck," Buffy said, shaking her head. "You stupid bitch."

"Quit calling me that!" Faith shouted, anger setting her nerves on edge. "And what do you mean, ruin Willow's life?"

Buffy faltered as she heard the obvious concern in Faith's voice when she spoke of Willow. She stared at Faith for several moments, considering lying and just leaving, going back to try to make Willow love her, but instead she sighed. She glanced at the floor, whispering, "You seduced her and then left."

"It wasn't me," Faith denied, glancing at Angel with a puzzled look at Buffy's behavior. "It was you."

Buffy snorted, looking up and glaring at Faith, "It was never me. You made sure of that. It was all you. Sure, it was my body, but I wasn't there. I didn't feel anything. She won't even talk to me now! Just ignores me, acts like I don't exist. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

"Yeah, I do," Faith said, remembering all those meetings where Willow would never even glance her way, or when she did, there would be curiosity mixed with fear in those green eyes. She had always scared Willow, threatened her in some way she didn't understand even now.

"I hate it," Buffy hissed, having to move as she spoke. "She never talks to me, never laughs with me, never even smiles at me. It's all your fault. You took her away from me."

"Yeah, right," Faith snorted that time, moving to sit on the edge of Cordelia's desk. She noticed that Angel had disappeared sometime during her and Buffy's talk and she almost smiled. Trust him to get away while he could. She said, "She was always yours, B. How the fuck did I take her away?"

"You just did," Buffy said. "You made love to her in my body. MY body. When she looks at me, she hears your words, whatever the hell they were. I don't know, you see, because I WASN'T THERE!"

"That's what bothers you the most, isn't it?" Faith asked sharply. "The fact that I actually beat you to something you wanted."

"This isn't a game, Faith," Buffy said, suddenly tired. "This is Willow's life."

"You think I don't know that?" Faith asked, anger in her voice. "Why do you think I left? I'm not stupid, B. She never even liked me. There's no way in hell she'd have ever let me touch her like that, ever let me talk to her like that."

"She always liked you, Faith," Buffy said softly. "She would usually defend you when we argued, always claimed that we just didn't know you. Even when you went evil, she always thought there was hope. Until you almost killed her. Then, well, she gave up. We all did."

"You're full of shit. She always blamed me for everything. It was always my fault. She never even gave me a chance. None of you did," Faith said.

"No, we didn't," Buffy admitted. "But you never gave us one either."

"Fine. We both fucked up. That doesn't mean a God damn thing now. Past is past," Faith said, "there's no changing it. No going back. What's done is done."

"God, you're starting to sound like Angel," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

Faith almost smiled, "Well, he and I have done a lot of talking the last couple of days. What can I say? He's pretty smart about shit like this."

"I guess so," Buffy said, frowning.

"Why were you looking for me, B?" Faith asked after several minutes of silence.

"I wanted to know what happened that night. Wanted to know if you could possibly give Willow even half of what she deserves," Buffy said softly, staring at the floor again. "Faith, you can't run from this, not this time. It won't go away."

"What do you know?" Faith asked. "She doesn't want me, B. Probably doesn't have any idea what she wants. Hell, I was the first girl she'd ever fucked. She may not even be gay."

"She needs you," Buffy said quietly, remembering the look on Willow's face when she had told her she was going away for a few days. Relief mixed with worry mixed with confusion. "She won't talk to me about what happened. Maybe she'll talk to you. If she doesn't, well, I don't think she'll move past this anytime soon."

"I can't go back," Faith said sharply.

"I can make you," Buffy said just as sharply.

"Why? Why bother doing this? It was just one night. She'll get over it. Soon, you'll both be back to whispering about frat boys and slaying vampires. Why do I need to go back?" Faith asked.

"Because, she's hurting and she won't talk to me! I will not stand by and watch her push everyone away because she's confused and upset. Because I miss having her smile at me, damn it," Buffy said.

"And me being there is going to help?" Faith said, not at all convinced.

"It might make her face up to what happened and allow her to get her feelings into the open," Buffy said, a slight edge of hope in her voice. "That night, whatever you two talked about, I think she started to fall in love with you."

"You're kidding," Faith said, looking at the other girl and freezing when she saw the regret and sorrow in the hazel eyes of the other slayer. "Fuck me. You're in love with her too, aren't you?"

Buffy's face closed up instantly, "I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, my feelings aren't the issue. The issue is Willow and the shit she's dealing with at the moment. Now, are you coming to Sunnydale to help fix the mess you made, or do I have to force you?"

"I'd like to see you try," Faith taunted, seeing the blonde straighten up, the look of determination enter her pretty face. "But not tonight. I'm too tired to fight with you."

"Will you come with me tomorrow?" Buffy asked again.

"I don't really see the point, but what the hell? You can stay here tonight. Angel has a couch and all. Tomorrow, we can go to Sunnydale. After all, the first step into maturity is facing up to your actions and trying to fix them," Faith said, reciting some of Angel's earlier words. "But, I don't think it's going to help."

"It will help," Buffy said. "Willow's cut me off, but she may let you in. You'll know what happened that night, what was said, what you made her feel."

"It was never me though," Faith said softly, her eyes flashing with regret as she stared at the picture on Cordelia's desk that Buffy was looking at earlier.

"No, it was never me," Buffy corrected quietly. "She was never mine. She was always yours."