Inell's Fanfiction Archive

"I'm sorry."

Buffy froze, turning her head and staring at the brunette with shock.

"I can't believe it," Faith said with a wry smile, "Two words and I've made you speechless. Should have tried that months ago."

"For what?" Buffy finally managed to ask.

Faith shrugged, "I dunno. For nothing, for everything."

"It doesn't mean anything if you don't even know why you're saying it," Buffy said, running her hand through her hair as she began to pace. She and Faith had left Willow nearly an hour before, having started to patrol without saying a word. In fact, this was the first they had spoken since leaving the dorms. Even after killing two vampires, they hadn't spoken. Now, they were on their way to Buffy's house and Faith decides to get something started. Well, Buffy was in no mood to start fighting. She was worried to death that she had lost her best friend and any chance of happiness she might have had.

"Why can't you just accept it?" Faith asked. "I'm sorry. Why do I have to tell you why?"

"Just accept it?" Buffy spun around and glared at Faith. "I think I've done enough accepting the past few weeks to last a couple of years. I'm done with it. I want to know why you're sorry. What finally penetrated your brain to actually make you feel remorse?"

"Fuck this," Faith said, moving past the blonde slayer.

"No more running," Buffy said, grabbing Faith's arm. She forced the girl to stop, catching Faith's angry eyes. "Why are you suddenly sorry?"

"I'm sorry I ever came here," Faith said. "I'm sorry that you resented me being here. I'm sorry that I killed Alan. I'm sorry that I helped the mayor. I'm sorry that I almost killed you and Willow and so many others. I'm sorry that I fucked Xander. I'm sorry that you didn't kill me. I'm sorry that I woke up from that damn coma. I'm sorry that I let you make me come back. I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I ruined what you and Willow had."

"I'm not," Buffy said softly, letting Faith's arm go.

"What?" Faith asked, caught off guard by Buffy's words.

"I'm not sorry that I didn't kill you," Buffy said. "I'm also not sorry that you ever came here. I learned a lot from you."

"Yeah," Faith snorted, "what not to do."

"Well, no one's perfect," Buffy smiled. "Faith, she cares about you. I know her well enough to see that. Don't let your fear stand in the way of happiness."

"Like you, you mean?" Faith asked.

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, looking at the street as she spoke, "Some slayer, huh? Too scared to even tell my best friend that I love her. I probably would never have even admitted it if you hadn't done what you did."

"See? I even fucked that up," Faith said, hating feeling sorry for Buffy. She had watched the blonde and Willow, knew there was something there. Neither might realize it, but it was a strong connection. "If not for me, you'd still have your secret and her friendship."

"Stop it," Buffy said sharply. "I'm still trying to deal with the idea that she now knows what I feel, but I feel better. Sort of like a heaviness has lifted. It's nice."

"And if you lose her?" Faith asked, watching the blonde's slight smile fade as true fear entered her hazel eyes. "Yeah, I know what you're feeling."

"I don't think I could do this without her," Buffy whispered.

"I doubt you have anything to worry about," Faith said. "You're best friends. Besides, she cares about you. I could see that."

"She was shocked, though," Buffy said. "She had no idea I felt that way about her. She doesn't think of me in that way. You, on the other hand, well, she was still attracted. I could see that much."

"Listen to us, B," Faith had to smile. "Reassuring each other that Red is gonna choose the other one. Would serve us both right if she told us both where to go and ran off with the moron."

"I think Anya might give her a bit of a fight on that one," Buffy said with a true smile. "But you're right. We're being stupid. Talking it to death is not going to change anything. She'll choose and we'll deal with it."

"But can we?" Faith asked softly. "I've stopped running, B. You're right, whenever things get too personal, I always run. I can't do that anymore. Hell, I'm a slayer. I enjoy being a slayer. I want to fix what I fucked up last year. I can't do that running. I probably only got a couple more years left if I'm lucky. I don't want to spend it alone and on the run."

"I hear the words, but do you really mean them?" Buffy asked, weary of Faith's big speeches.

"I do," Faith said, hating the look of doubt in her fellow slayer's eyes. She knew she didn't deserve anything better, but it hurt. "Buffy, I've spent most of my life alone. The council took me when I was eight. Not like my mother was ever home anyway, but after that, I never saw her again. Never knew my Dad. I'm tired of it. I hate being alone."

"Why are you telling me this?" Buffy asked.

Faith shrugged, "I dunno. I know you hate me, with reason. I doubt you could ever look at me without that hate. Willow is so special. I think she deserves so much. You can give her that."

"I don't hate you," Buffy said with a frown. "I'm not saying we'll ever be best friends, but I don't hate you. Like I said, I learned a lot from you before everything went wrong. If you really mean what you say, I'll help you though."

"Really?" Faith asked with a small smile. "You don't think I should just leave, go to LA or wherever?"

"Definitely not. Angel's got enough problems without you there," Buffy said with a genuine smile.

"Oh, so you can handle me and he can't?" Faith asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I think so," Buffy shot back.

Faith nodded, not challenging the elder slayer's words. Instead, she glanced at Buffy's house and asked, "Do you think you're mom will even let me in?"

"Funny thing about my Mom, she tends to forgive and forget," Buffy said, saying a small prayer that her Mom would handle Faith's arrival with ease.

Faith snorted, "You must not take after her then."

"What are you trying to say, slayer?" Buffy asked. "I'd say I was in a pretty forgiving mood tonight."

"This," Faith motioned with her hand, "Friendship or slayership or whatever...will Willow's decision change it?"

Buffy took a deep breath, "I don't know. I can't promise anything, Faith. Willow, well, she means so much to me. If she wants to develop something with you, it's gonna hurt. She's my best friend though, and I want to see her happy. I just can't lose her."

Faith smiled softly, seeing the tears in the hazel eyes and feeling guilty for having caused them in a way, "C'mon B. Willow said to give her some time. Let's not worry about it now."

"Easy for you to say," Buffy said quietly, following Faith up the stairs to her front door. She watched as Faith knocked and her Mother opened the door, eyes widening. She had to laugh as Faith spoke.

"Hey, Mom. I'm back!" Faith said with more courage than actually felt, expecting Joyce to shut the door on her.

"Buffy," Joyce looked from the brunette to her daughter. She saw the pleading her daughter's eyes and sighed, knowing they would be having a very serious talk later. "Faith, won't you two girls come in?"