Sunny Horizons isn’t all that bad. When Scott, Kira, Malia, and the rest of the pack staged an intervention, Stiles had expected some prison-like atmosphere with locked rooms and no freedom. It’s not like he has any idea what rehab is supposed to be like, after all. He’s not rich, but the police union has several assistance programs for officers, so he’s not having to pay much out of pocket for the rather posh rehab place in Napa, of all places. There’s a certain stigma that comes with the whole addiction and recovering addict thing that he’s still having difficulty accepting, but it’s been four weeks and two days since he’s had a drink, so he’s slowly getting there.
Of course, not having the alcohol to dull his senses means he’s acutely aware that his dad’s gone, killed in a domestic while saving a kid is exactly how his dad would have wanted to go out, but it doesn’t bring him back or make it easier to lose him even if he died a hero. It means he’s completely aware of the nightmares that he hasn’t been able to escape in the nearly dozen years since his possession and subsequent murdering spree. It also means he’s totally aware of the loneliness of grief that no one can really improve. The alcohol didn’t make it better, either, but it helped him escape reality, so that was good enough for him at the time. Now, there is no escape, so he has to figure out how to handle his demons while sober.
Drowning himself in a bottle is like running away, which is something Stiles always swore he’d never do. It’s not like he realized he was using alcohol to get through the days, though. Not until his friends intervened and forced him to understand that he was hurting them by hurting himself. By that time, Stiles had been drinking every day for seven months, since he got the news about his dad, and he’d basically become a functioning alcoholic. There hadn’t been any issues at work to scare him straight. There hadn’t been any accidents because he’d been fucking lucky, and, even now, he feels a sense of guilt for putting other people at risk by driving under the influence.
When a chair at his table pulls back, legs scraping against the tile, he draws himself out of his thoughts and glances up to see Jackson sitting down. There are circles under his eyes, but his face is starting to fill out again as he starts gaining back some of the weight he’s lost. To say he’d been shocked when he saw Jackson Whittemore in the day room about a week after Stiles’ arrival is an understatement. He hadn’t even realized a werewolf could be affected by drugs or alcohol, but he’d soon learned about a synthetic drug produced solely for the supernatural that Jackson got addicted to while at USC for law school.
“Good session?” Stiles asks quietly since he knows Jackson dislikes therapy.
Jackson shrugs. “The usual. I’m an asshole due to my feelings of inadequacy and I place too many high expectations on myself. I need to stop aiming for perfection or I will never truly recover. It usually comes back to the adoption bombshell or my insecurities, since I can’t really explain about the whole kanima and werewolf shit, can I?”
“You listening to any of it?” Stiles reaches over and casually puts his hand on Jackson’s, dragging his fingertips over his knuckles.
“Eh, some.” Jackson looks at their hands for a moment before he raises his eyes to look at Stiles. “I realize I was taking Trance to escape from my life, and I know it was a stupid decision. I’m not planning on leaving here and going back to that lifestyle. I mean, I’m planning a move from Los Angeles to Beacon Hills anyway.” He turns his hand over, entwining their fingers and squeezing.
“It’s easy to say you won’t go back, but there’s always going to be a struggle,” Stiles says, repeating some of what he’s discussed in his own sessions. “I know I never want to end up like I was when I first came here. Detoxing was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve died before. But there are going to be times when I’m tempted, and I know I’m not quite in a place yet when I’ll be able to resist every time.”
“Well, you’ve still got a couple of months left here, as do I,” Jackson reminds him. “They’re not going to tell us we’re ready to leave until we are, you know? We’re already getting stronger, so imagine where we’ll be in another two to three months?”
“Look at you being the positive one,” Stiles murmurs, smiling slightly. He isn’t really sure what’s happening between him and Jackson. They’re both recovering, and it’s probably not the best circumstances for a relationship to begin, but it’s giving them something they need to get through this latest rough chapter of their lives. Anyway, it’s not like they’re rushing into anything when they’re both in rehab.
“I blame you and your regurgitation of that bullshit therapy they shove down our throats.” Jackson smiles wryly. “Maybe it’s easier to listen to some of it when you’re saying it. You seem to believe it, after all, and you’re pretty smart, most of the time. So there could be something to it.”
“There could be,” Stiles agrees softly. He’s trying his best to get to the right headspace to be a better man. His dad would hate seeing him like this, and he’s never been one to run away from his problems. Besides that, he feels a connection with Jackson that he can’t necessarily explain or even truly understand, but he thinks it could be something good, something amazing even, when they’re both in recovery and able to seriously consider something like a relationship.
“It’s something to believe in, at least.” Jackson sighs. “Something to help get me through the roughest times of the day. You help a lot, even if I don’t know how to say it. I’m not sure I could do this if you hadn’t been here.”
“Yes, you could because you’re stronger than you realize,” Stiles murmurs. “We’re going to be alright, Jax.”
Jackson squeezes his hand, and Stiles leans over to brush a kiss against his jaw, which earns him a small affectionate smile that he returns. Hand holding, snuggling, and some very chaste kisses are all they’re likely to exchange while at Sunny Horizons, but it’s enough for now. This isn’t about having sex or getting off, after all. This is about getting to know each other, to becoming friends and something more in the future. It’s a beginning for them. The start of something new. Hopefully a much better life for the both of them.