Inell's Fanfiction Archive

It’s only going to be a short break, but it’s the first time that Karl’s been home in what feels like a whirlwind two years, so he plans to enjoy the few weeks he gets to spend with his family before he flies to the States to start his next project. He’s been so busy lately that he’s almost forgotten what it’s like to not live every minute on a schedule. His flight arrived late last night, so all he really had time to do was look in on the boys sleeping, give Natalie a quick kiss, and fall into bed for what feels like the longest period of sleep he’s been able to get in months.

Now that he’s awake, he’s finding it more difficult than he expected to get settled in. He knows some of the reasons why, but it’s not just guilt or frustration or whatever he should call the feelings that being with Chris cause. A glance at the clock and a quick time conversion tells him that it’s been thirty-two hours since he saw Chris off at the airport before catching his own flight out of Africa. Not even two days, and Karl is already resisting the urge to pull out his cell phone. It isn’t fair, though. Not when Chris deserves more than the occasional stolen phone call while he’s home, and whispers of memories and promises for the future that seem to be all Karl can think about lately.

When he hears the bedroom door open, he looks up quickly and puts down the phone he’s unconsciously picked up. Natalie is there, looking beautiful and perfect, and he nearly gasps from the guilt that washes over him as he stares at her. She has something in her hand, he realizes, and she’s holding it so tightly that her fingers are strained white from her grip. “Morning,” he says hoarsely, shifting on the bed so he can swing his legs over the side.

“Who?” It’s just one word spoken so softly Karl almost doesn’t hear her, but it has enough power to make his head snap up, his eyes widen, and his entire body flush with shame as he sits back down. Natalie throws the fabric she’s holding onto the bed, and he sees that it’s underwear: an expensive pair of boxer-briefs that aren’t his size. They must have got mixed in with his own dirty laundry when they were packing up the little apartment Karl had rented while filming.

When he looks back at Natalie, he can’t say anything. While they’ve had an open relationship for years, since he started spending more time on the road filming and she found herself getting lonely with only the boys for company, there’s never been anyone else. There’s been nothing more than a one night fling or a mutually beneficial arrangement for sexual release with a co-star for him. He knows she’s had lovers of her own, but no one has ever crossed a line from casual partner to something more. No one has ever been a threat to their relationship because they love each other, they have beautiful sons together, they’re still best friends all these years later. No one has ever made him cheat in any way other than the physical, until Chris.

And now she knows.

He’s never been able to keep secrets from her, never even tried before, but he wishes he could have kept this from her because she’s hurting, and it’s his fault. He betrayed her, regardless of their agreement to have sex with other people, and he wants to tell her he’s sorry, but he can’t because it’s so much more complicated than that. It was supposed to be casual with Chris, something mutually satisfying while they filmed Trek because, God, it had been there from the first meeting, this heat and energy and lust that had threatened to ruin the movie because it was even there when they were filming, and JJ might be cool but even he’d draw the line at having Jim fucking Bones against the wall of the shuttle because two of his leads couldn’t control themselves.

Supposed to be didn’t happen, though, and it became more than getting off between scenes or having fun sneaking around for furtive blowjobs or quick hand jobs after interviews.

“Karl.” Natalie is looking at him still, and he feels even worse because he’s lost in memories of Chris instead of trying to fix things with her. She looks down at the dirty underwear and bites her lip before raising her gaze to his. “I suspected, but I hoped…” She drifts off and wraps her arms around herself.

“I love you,” he whispers, needing her to know because it’s true. He does love her. He loves everything they’ve been to each other, and he doesn’t want to lose her, especially not like this. But he can’t lie to her, can’t hurt her even more by acting like nothing’s changed at all. The words get stuck in his throat, and he coughs twice while trying to say them, but he finally manages to confess the worst of it. “I’m in love with him, Nat.”

There are tears on her face, but she doesn’t break. That strength is one of the reasons he initially fell in love with her, though he never wanted her to have to be strong for something like this. There’s a part of him that hates himself for this, that wants her to yell and hate him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated for this betrayal. But there’s another part that doesn’t want to lose her, even if things change, and he knows he isn’t worthy of forgiveness, not when he crossed the line with Chris over two years ago and kept it from her, but that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t want it.

She shakes her head as she looks at him. “I can’t be around you right now,” she admits, wiping her face with her hands. “The boys will be up soon, and they’ll want to see you.” He can feel dampness on his own face, and he’s having trouble breathing, trying to suck in gulps of oxygen as she stares at him. She sighs and leans down to brush a dry kiss against his temple, squeezing his shoulder so hard he can feel her nails through the cotton of his t-shirt. “We’ll talk later.” She straightens up, and her eyes are red as she takes a step back. “I’m going out to...I just need some time. I’ll be back later.” There's a moment of silence before she speaks again. “You should have told me, Karl.”

“Nat, I didn’t mean--“ He trails off because he doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t mean to hurt her, didn’t mean to fall in love with a moody actor who makes him feel alive in a way he hasn’t for longer than he cares to admit, didn’t mean to fall out of love with her, didn’t mean to lie to her for so long. None of it matters, though. She’s actually tried to comfort him despite the fact that this is all his fault, and it’s time for him to just let her go. He runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on it hard as he looks up at her. “I do love you.”

“I know.” She smiles sadly before turning and walking away.

End