What Is It?

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Genre: Much silliness
Drabble Request #22
For morningwhiskey who asked for Ron, Draco, Snape: waterhose

Originally Posted: February 20, 2005

“Bloody hell! Get that thing away from me,” Draco shrieked as he stumbled backwards into Ron.

“What is it?” Ron asked as he peered around the annoying blond wizard. “That’s just a snake, you prat.”

“I don’t like snakes,” Draco informed him coldly, his gray eyes staring at the large green snake lying in wait to attack and kill them all.

“You’re in Slytherin and you don’t like snakes?” Ron started to laugh, even more so when Malfoy glared at him.

“Save me from the foolishness of youth,” Severus muttered as he turned and walked back towards the two young wizards. Snidely, he asked, “What part of ‘be quiet and do not draw attention to yourselves’ do you two dunderheads fail to understand?”

“It’s a snake,” Draco whined to his Godfather, pointing at the evil creature in the grass. “It’s a big snake and I’m certain it is plotting our deaths even as we speak.”

“Want me to find Harry to ask him?” Ron asked in between laughs. Looking at the large snake, he asked, “Hello, mister snake. Are you planning to eat us? If so, eat the blond bloke first cause he’s a right pain in the arse.”

“Would you two stop it!” Severus snapped angrily before facing the cause of their halted progress. Muttering crossly, he said, “I told Albus that it was ridiculous to send the two of you together. Did he listen? No. Does he ever listen? The very idea of you imbeciles braving the Muggle world for even a moment and managing not to cause me the desire to curse you both was his most foolhardy belief yet. Good Lord, that’s a huge snake!”

“I told you so!” Draco exclaimed triumphantly when Snape stumbled back a step or two. “See? I know it’s scheming to kill us all to take over the world or at least have two ugly blood traitors and one very handsome and debonair wizard for dinner!”

“Stand back, children. I shall kill the creature before it can strike,” Severus declared bravely.

“What are you doing?” The sharp voice caught them all by surprise. The three of them turned to face Hermione, who was glaring at them and tapping her foot impatiently. “You were supposed to be at my house at three. It is not five minutes past. You know I do not condone tardiness. And why are you standing in my neighbors lawn being so loud?”

“It’s a snake, Hermione!” Ron pointed out. “And Malfoy is scared of snakes. Isn’t that just the funniest thing you’ve heard all week?”

“Would you like me to remind you who screamed and jumped on a table last time a very small spider scurried across the room?” Hermione asked sharply. “I thought not! Now quit dawdling and come along, boys.”

“But, Granger, the snake might attack us,” Draco whispered loudly, just in case the snake was listening while plotting.

“It would be best to kill the dangerous creature before we continue to celebrate something as mundane and unimportant as the occasion in which your silly parents chose to give birth to a meddlesome, bossy know-it-all.”

“Hmph,” Hermione snorted as she stepped forward and picked up the water hose. Tossing it at Snape, she smirked when he shrieked and fell backwards. “It’s a water hose, Professor. A tube used to carry water not some vicious snake. I would have thought a man of your advanced years and claims of knowledge would have known such a simple Muggle device.”

“I knew it wasn’t a snake all along,” Ron assured Hermione as he tried to pretend he hadn’t jumped with the others. “I just enjoyed seeing them scared.”

“Ron, Harry is waiting at my house. Go now,” she smiled sweetly at her friend. Turning towards the sheepish Slytherins, she arched a brow.

“Albus will be expecting me,” Severus said smoothly as he stood and dusted off his robes before hurrying away from her.

“You are an evil, manipulative brat,” Hermione said dryly when she saw the large smile crossing Draco’s lips.

“I think I resent that allegation.” Draco smirked, “Did you see how far Weasel jumped? And Snape? I thought he was going to have an attack of some sort.”

“Scared of snakes? Really, Draco, must you constantly torment those around you?” She sighed as she turned away from him. “Will you please untangle the Murphy’s water hose and put it back where you found it?”

“Hermione, don’t be upset with me. I couldn’t resist seeing their reactions,” he explained as he took her hand. “You know I thought it looked like a snake when I first saw it.”

“And you weren’t at all scared. You’re twenty years old, Draco. It’s time to stop such childish and petty behavior,” she reprimanded when she faced him, successfully hiding the smile that had crossed her lips when recalling Ron and Snape’s reaction to the water hose.

“But they deserved it. They both protested our relationship,” Draco reminded as he pulled her closer. “Would you have me simply ignore that they both thought we weren’t good together?”

“Manipulative brat,” she said with a teasing smile.

“Did you see the look on Sevvie’s face? Absolutely priceless.” Draco snickered before pulling her into his arms and brushing a kiss against her lips. “Happy birthday, love.”

The End