I thought of you again today. It was rather odd actually. I was at the supermarket and smelled the bakery making bread. My mind flashed back to that night you took me to Luisia's the first time. The french bread arriving at the table. It was so warm. The smell of garlic and spices. I remember your face in the candle light as you tore a piece off for me. You eyes amused as I ate the heavenly creation. Our first date. How innocent I was back then. You made me feel things that I had never felt. I wanted to badly to please you. You became my life. I think I knew that night that I would love you. Did you know then? Did it take you longer? How I wish I knew.
I finally got the oil changed today. How long did it take me? As I sat and watched the mechanic work I could hear your voice telling me that I had waited too long. I had to blink back tears as I imagined what you would say. The mechanic thought I was crazy, I'm sure. I miss you my love. So very much.
Where are you tonight? Are you in the heavens looking down on me....Are you partying down in Rio....Are you with someone else, laying in her arms, enjoying her kiss....I so hate this feeling of emptiness that filled me as you left. My heart breaks a little more each day. Do you miss me?
I woke up screaming for you. I had a nightmare that you were gone. When I woke, I realized that it wasn't a nightmare. You weren't here. The past came flooding into my mind. I wish you were here to hold me until I feel safe. I ache knowing that you will never hold me again.
Two months. It seems like two hundred years. Time stands still for me. My broken heart makes it hard to live. I only make it through the days because I know that is what you'd want. I have to go on, for you. Always for you.
I can't forget you, my darling. Every time I close my eyes, your face haunts me. I reach across my empty bed wishing you were there. We had such a great time together. It could have been perfect. Why did it have to change?
I was out shopping and ran into someone. He smelled of cigarettes and leather. He made me miss you even more. What I wouldn't do to see you sitting beside me. My love. Why did you leave me?
I thought I saw you today. I was walking down the street and you were walking towards me. I froze, a million emotions going through my mind. What would I do? What would I say? Should I kiss you? I felt my breath catch when I realized that it wasn't you. I knew, but I had hoped. I had another dream about you. In this one, you stayed with me. Things were as they should have been. I woke up, a smile on my face for the first time in months. Everyone noticed my spirits. I know that when you left, a part of me died. I try to go on for you.
Someone asked me out. I refused. No one will ever take the place that you hold in my heart. I know one day, when I'm older, I'll meet someone and marry. I won't love him the way I love you. I will never find my true match again. You left me. Will you be upset when I move on? Should I feel guilty for even thinking about that day? I know it won't be for a long time. It still hurts so much. Thinking about you is the only thing that makes me happy. Dreaming of what could have been. Why did I hesitate?
I found the letter today. You must have written it before you left. I cried until I couldn't see. You did love me. So much. Why? I ask that question with every breath I take. Life is cruel.
I am glad that I found your words. The sadness they brought was balanced with the memories that you wrote about. Our first kiss. Our first date. The day you knew that you loved me. I was so blind. Why didn't I see?
I felt you in my bed last night. I don't know how, but I know it was you. Your touch on my breasts. Your mouth on my neck. I wanted so badly to open my eyes and see if I could see you. I didn't want to ruin the moment. It is all I have left of you. The memories and the dreams. Do you watch over me? Do you know how much I miss you? Do you see how the little things remind me of you?
I write these letters as therapy. I know that you will never read them. You can't. I have to tell you how I feel though. If I don't, I fear I may lose my mind. Life goes on. Things are well. We all miss you. I miss you more than anyone knows. You were my love. Every day I come here and sit and let my mind write you. I know that one day, my trips will become fewer. I fear when that day comes.
I know that I will never forget you, my love. I will always dream of you and what our lives could have been like. I miss seeing you smile at me. Strange how something that simple can be so greatly missed. I wonder who takes these letters. Every day, when I get here, they are gone. I don't mind. My love for you can be shared with everyone. I must go now, my love. Until tomorrow. My heart is still yours.
Cordelia folded the letter and put it in the envelope. She set it on the top of Doyle's headstone, securing it with a rock. She wiped her eyes as she traced his name with her finger. "Forever yours, Doyle" she said softly as she turned and left.
A breeze knocked the rock off and sent the letter sailing into the blue sky. It disappeared as it got higher than the trees. A soft voice whispered in the air, "I love you Princess...."
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