The movie is really dull. Too many explosions, pointless sex, and no real plot at all. Stiles isn’t really paying any attention to it, so Jackson isn’t sure why he chose it out of all the options on Netflix. Of course, Stiles mentioned he’d seen it before, thought maybe Jackson would like it because it’s set in London, and Jackson hasn’t yet reached the point in their relationship where he feels comfortable telling Stiles that he really hates action movies. He can be brutally honest about unimportant things, but things that really matter are still somewhat closely guarded.
It’s been two years of hell, really, with the whole werewolf turning, the Kanima, murdering so many people and being controlled without his consent, dying and coming back, moving to London, becoming even more estranged from his adoptive parents, and now returning to Beacon Hills after finishing school. He still isn’t sure what lured him back here, especially when there are so many bad memories, but he can’t deny that something has settled inside him since he returned in May. In the three months since, he’s built a friendship with Lydia that never really existed when they were dating, he’s renewed his friendship with Danny, he’s become a somewhat reluctant part of McCall’s pack, and he’s fallen for Stiles Stilinski, of all people.
Things with Stiles are still very new, though. It took several weeks before Jackson would even acknowledge his attraction and growing feelings for Stiles to himself, then another month or so for Stiles to realize Jackson’s changed, become more mature in many ways. They’ve been casually dating for the last few weeks, though it hasn’t been casual for Jackson from the start. Not that he’s going to admit that, not until he’s confident that Stiles feels the same way. Probably not until Stiles actually says it first, and then not immediately because Jackson still isn’t comfortable being vulnerable to anyone. Not even Stiles.
There might also be a little fear that Stiles is going to decide Jackson isn’t good enough for him. Everyone he’s ever cared about in the past has felt this way, so it’s only logical that Stiles will, too. His birth parents hadn’t wanted him. Sure, they’d died in a car crash, but Jackson knows his adoption happened prior to the accident. The Whittemores were never satisfied unless he was perfect, so he always did what they wanted without ever even thinking about what he wanted. Lydia dated him because he was the captain of the lacrosse team, not because she actually liked him all that much. That’s been proven to him by their new friendship because he never really even knew her when they were dating. Not really.
So he’s trying to be cautious with Stiles. He isn’t wearing a mask with him, not like he wears with so many other people in his life, but he keeps some things to himself, especially the things he isn’t sure Stiles will accept. Like the fact he hates action movies, doesn’t like pineapple on pizza, and enjoys just being around Stiles so much that he doesn’t even care that they’re moving slow when it comes to sex. Stiles likes bad action movies, eats anything on pizza, and seems concerned that his request to take the physical side of their relationship slow is annoying. It’s the first time either of them have dated a man, though, so Jackson is all for taking their time and doing things naturally.
“What?” he asks finally, pulling himself out of his thoughts and glancing at Stiles. He’s felt his attention on him instead of the movie for the past ten minutes, at least. Arching a brow, he looks at Stiles expectantly.
“You totally hate the movie, don’t you?” Stiles studies him, and Jackson isn’t sure what to say. As it is, he doesn’t have the chance. “Why didn’t you tell me? We can watch something else.”
“I don’t hate it.” Jackson frowns when Stiles just gives him a look that says he totally knows he’s lying. He rolls his eyes, shrugging a shoulder. “I don’t like action films very much.”
“Seriously?” Stiles gapes at him. “Why didn’t I know this? Jackson, we’ve been hanging out streaming movies all summer. A lot of those have been action or sci-fi. You should have said something.”
“You’ve enjoyed them.” Jackson looks into Stiles’ eyes. “Stiles, I don’t particularly care what’s on the TV when you’re curled up against my side, alright? Anyway, you like action movies, and I didn’t want you to stop dating me because I don’t.”
When he realizes what he’s just said, Jackson winces. Way to sound pathetic and needy.
Stiles stares at him for a moment before he sighs. “I’m not going to break up with you because of your taste in movies. Unless you try forcing me to watch a bunch of surreal stuff with subtitles because I’m not into surreal weird stuff much,” he says, reaching up to stroke his thumb along the curve of Jackson’s jaw. “What else haven’t you told me for fear of me not dating you, Jax?”
“I don’t like reading movies,” Jackson tells him. He licks his lips, preening just a little when Stiles drops his gaze down to stare. It’s tempting to just use that attraction to avoid this conversation, but it would just put it off because Stiles is like a dog with a bone when he gets something in his head. His lips quirk slightly as he considers making a dog joke back at Stiles for once, but he doesn’t. “I just want to be good enough for you, Stiles.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, yet it sort of does because it means you’ve probably not been totally honest with me about stuff that matters to you.” Stiles rubs his thumb over Jackson’s cheekbone. “Let’s get one thing straight, alright? You are good enough. I don’t care what kind of movies you like or what your favorite color is or any of that trivial stuff. Those aren’t the things that really matter.”
“I’ve never lied about anything important.” Jackson moves his hand on top of Stiles’ hand that’s resting on his knee. “I’ve never actually lied, in fact. I just haven’t mentioned some of my personal preferences at times.”
“I know.” Stiles smiles slightly. “Neither of us are fans of lying, and I trust you. You need to trust me, too, though. I know that talking about emotional stuff tends to make you uncomfortable, so I’m not going to push tonight. But you should know that I really like you, and I think we’re good together.”
“I trust you, and I really like you, too,” Jackson admits, squeezing Stiles’ hand. “I still find it difficult to believe you’re interested in me, but I’m starting to accept it. I’ll try to do better about the whole talking thing, alright?”
“Good.” Stiles leans over and kisses Jackson’s jaw lightly, just a whisper of a kiss, but it still makes Jackson’s skin tingle. He hands Jackson the remote and smiles. “Why don’t you choose a movie for us?”
“Sure.” Jackson leans over to kiss Stiles’ cheek before he starts scrolling through Netflix to find something interesting. While he looks, Stiles moves until he’s lying down with his head on Jackson’s thigh, making himself comfortable. Jackson eventually selects Notting Hill, waiting for Stiles to make fun of him for choosing a romantic comedy.
“Oh, I haven’t seen this in ages. Great choice,” Stiles murmurs. Jackson relaxes as he clicks the play button, putting the remote down and carding his fingers through Stiles’ hair as they start watching the movie.
The location obviously makes him a little nostalgic for London. It’s the first time since coming back to Beacon Hills that he’s felt the urge to return. Maybe he can take Stiles for a visit, let him meet some of the friends Jackson made during the time he was living there. They’d like Stiles, probably more than they even like Jackson. As they watch the film, he keeps petting Stiles and playing with his hair.
About halfway through the movie, he realizes that Stiles has fallen asleep. Jackson looks down at his lap, enjoying the rare opportunity to study Stiles so openly. He reaches down to ghost his fingers over Stiles’ face, not touching but getting as close as possible without doing so. There are a group of moles on this side of his face, and Jackson hovers his fingers over them, curling them into his palm to prevent himself from touching. Stiles is beautiful, and Jackson wonders how he never noticed before. Only, if he’s being completely honest with himself, he did notice.
The pale skin, the moles, the pillowy lips, and long fingers…they’re all things that have haunted his dreams since he was thirteen and Danny had come out to him, forcing Jackson to reevaluate his views on sexuality and acknowledge a few things about himself that he’d always ignored or felt guilty for feeling. He’d realized he was into guys as well as girls, learned to accept that about himself, and noticed that his former best friend (kindergarten and the first three weeks of first grade best friendships still totally count) was pretty.
There had always been some bitterness between him and Stiles ever since their friendship ended over something so ridiculous that Jackson can’t even remember what (Stiles had wanted to go to McCall’s house instead of Jackson’s and he’d refused to share his chocolate cupcake), and things just got worse when Jackson figured out he wanted to kiss Stiles. Looking back, he’s not proud of his behavior back in junior high or even high school. He’d taken out his frustration at being attracted to Stiles on him and McCall, jealous of how devoted and loyal Stiles was to the stupid guy who took him away from Jackson all those years ago. He might have accepted that he was bisexual, but that didn’t mean he’d been out to anyone, not even Danny, and the pressure of everything just made him lash out at easy targets.
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers, listening to Stiles’ steady breathing and the thump of his heart as he sleeps. He keeps moving his fingers through Stiles’ hair, gently stroking his scalp. Thinking about everything Stiles said earlier, it sounds like maybe it isn’t casual for him anymore, either. Maybe Jackson should bring it up, take the initiative for once so he can show Stiles how important their relationship is to him. He wants to call Stiles his boyfriend, wants to kiss him and hold him and, eventually, have sex with him. Not just fucking, but actually make love because he knows that’s what it’ll be. He watches Stiles sleep and smiles. “But I’m never letting go.”