Loss of Color

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Story Notes:
10/5/14
It’s tough, being here and providing support for everyone, being the strong shoulder they all need to get through the endless funerals and memorial services. Charlie’s part of the family, but his life is in Romania, and he hasn’t really been around during the struggles and drama that seem to have filled the last few years. There are so many things he missed, even if he made sure to be around for Bill’s wedding and a few other important occasions since he moved to another country.

Still, he feels like an outsider most of the time, even if they don’t treat him that way. He doesn’t know most of the people whose funerals they’ve attended, and he feels the loss of Fred terribly, but he knows it can’t compare to what George feels, what his other siblings feel, because he left when Fred was a mischievous kid and not the grown man they buried two days ago. It hurts to know that his choices have cost him memories that he can never have now, and there’s nothing that’ll change it because Fred’s gone, and Charlie’s returning to Romania in a few weeks to continue with his life there while the rest of his family rebuilds the world he grew up in.

There’s one funeral that hurts almost as much as Fred, and, if he’s completely honest, maybe worse because he knew Tonks even better than he knew his own brother. His first best friend, his first kiss, his first shag, his first broken heart…Tonks has always had such a vital role in his life, and he’s always thought she’d be there. The idea of a life without her is like losing all the color in the world, and he aches at the thought of her being gone. She has a son who will never know her, a son that he’s going to try his damnedest to get to know when he can because Teddy deserves to hear about her, to hear about all the trouble they got on and how much Charlie loved her for being unique and special and one of the best things in his life.

And he wants to break down and just cry, but he can’t. Because he’s the strong one, the one holding Ginny as she cries, the one squeezing his mum’s shoulder as she wipes her eyes and tries so hard to be brave. They seem to forget that he’s the one who brought Tonks into his life, seem to not realize he’s hurting and needs some support himself, and he just sits there stoically until the service is over and everyone’s wandered off and that’s when he gets up and he walks past the grave site and the stones that mark the three fresh graves for Tonks and her husband and her father. He walks until he has a clear view of the sky and watches the colors of the sun turn the sky purple and orange and red as it starts to set. And he thinks of Tonks and remembers her laugh and her kiss and her touch and he finally cries for everything that will never be and for the loss of color in his world.

End