A New Awareness

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Story Notes:
Hermione wasn’t sure when it happened. One day, everything was normal. She fancied Ron and they were helping Harry find the horcruxes. She had plans for life After Voldemort, goals that she kept in mind to help her get through the day. She had visions of helping people, of making changes that would make the world a better place, of doing something with her life that meant more than just pushing paper or being lost in research. In her plans, it was always Ron beside her. She hadn’t ever considered anything different, really.

Then, one day, things were a different sort of normal. Things had changed somewhere along the way, gradual and unexpected. Her goals stayed the same, within reason, but there were parts of her plans that weren’t the same at all. Over time, it was no longer Ron that she saw sharing her life. They tried to make it work, but it just never felt right. The war, Harry, growing up, and the new feelings she started to develop and acknowledge changed their relationship. They went from friends to lovers to friends again in the space of six months.

Ron understood, thankfully, though she wasn’t sure how since she didn’t quite understand it all herself. There had been feelings before, she knew, but she’d never considered that they meant anything. After all, she’d fancied Ron for years, had dated Viktor, and had even had crushes on a few male professors. While she had also had a couple of girl crushes, she just hadn’t ever thought that her preference was for women. There came a time, though, when she had to admit to herself that she was attracted to women in a way that she’d never been attracted to men.

She wasn’t ashamed of how she felt, but she did know that it was something else that made her unlike most people. Thankfully, the Wizarding world probably cared far more that she was a Muggleborn than that she was a lesbian. She had never cared about being normal and had lived with people talking about her for years so that was something she was used to.

She didn’t feel different, really, beyond a new awareness of other women. She noticed lips and skin and breasts and hips in a way she never had before. She had dreams of soft curves and gentle hands. Ginny, Tonks, Fleur, Lavender, Padma, Luna…they all appeared in her fantasies. She never gave any indication that she was attracted to any of them because she wasn’t ready for anyone to know yet. She’d worry about coming out and acknowledging her preferences after the war.

Of course, Harry and Ron knew because she would never keep anything from them that was truly important to her. They had been slightly surprised, especially Harry, but they accepted it and supported her regardless of who she fancied shagging. Ron, in particular, had been amazing. He comforted her when she started to wonder if she was wrong, if she had misread the awareness, when she doubted how she felt about women, and he helped her with a maturity and caring that almost made her wish she could change herself to be what he needed. She couldn’t, though, and knew she wouldn’t even if she could.

Now when she thought of life After Voldemort, she imagined a job where she could make a difference and friends that were as close as family. She also saw someone beside her, someone soft and feminine who loved her unconditionally, but their face wasn’t identifiable yet. That would come in time, she expected, when the war was over and she had a chance to figure everything out.

For now, it was new and different while she learned a little more about herself every day as she discovered the real Hermione Granger.