It had been seventeen days since he had left her at her parent's house with that a quick kiss and a see you later. She hadn't spoken to him since. She had seen him every night....with a different woman. He would drink, chat them up, then leave with them. She had lost track with what they had looked like. She sighed and looked down at her drink. He never even looked at her. It was as though she didn't even exist to him. She still didn't know how they had gotten involved. He had started helping them last year after his implant. She had lost Oz. He had listened. Things were friendly until summer. Then, when everyone had been busy and they had been on their own, things just exploded.
They hadn't only been lovers. That was what made her crazy. She had lost a great friend. The only person that had really known her. He knew more about her than even Buffy. She missed that closeness that they had shared. She felt worse than after Oz had left her. She seriously felt as though someone had reached in and torn her heart out.
She saw him lean forward, whispering in the blonde's ear. She blinked away tears and stood up. She hurriedly left the club, bumping into several people on the way. She was through torturing herself. She loved him. She hated herself for loving him. He didn't deserve her love. She ran to the alley and leaned against the fall, giving into the tears. She felt miserable. She missed him so much.
"I couldn't do it" the words were spoken softly.
She froze. She looked up, her eyes wide.
Spike leaned forward and gently brushed a tear away with his thumb. "I told myself that I could. I had to. You deserve so much more....But I can't."
"Can't what?" she asked softly.
"Can't forget you....can't make myself not love you. No matter what. None of them are you. I still love you."
"Why is that bad?"
"Pet, I'm a vampire. You're the slayer's best friend. What is the logic in it?"
"Who needs logic? I love you."
Spike kissed her softly. "You're right. Fuck logic."
He deepened the kiss. Her arms went around him, holding him tight. She didn't plan on letting go ever again.