In My Room

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< Silence
Here in my room
A symphony in my mind
Dance on the wall
Impossible to confine >
"I'm fine Buffy. No, there isn't anything wrong. I promise. Just tired. I'm glad you're back. I missed you. Do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow? Oh....I forgot. You're married now. How is it? I'm glad. No, I didn't. You know me. I don't date. I told you, I got tired. I didn't want to see you leave....I wanted to remember you dancing and happy. He did? How is he? Oh...that's good. No...I need to go. Give your charming husband my love. Take care of yourself. I love you."
< Dreams of a happy day gone by
Leave me asking wondering why
I never saw it there in your eyes
I never wanted too much
I never needed too much
Then at the moment of truth
You only thought about you
Who will save me
When the walls come crashing down
In my room>
Willow lay down on her bed, bringing the pillow up to her body. It had been two weeks since Buffy's wedding. Two weeks since she had realized that she loved Angel....had probably always loved him. She didn't need him to love her. She knew that Buffy was the one in his heart. She just needed him to need her. She had only had that one day and night with him. It had been better than any dream. When the dusk came, he had left. She knew that it was because he didn't love her. He regretted what they did. His soul had been permanently anchored her sophomore year of college. By then, he had already lost Buffy.
< Voices calling your name
My broken dreams on the ground
Fighting tears as they fall
Trying hard not to drown
How could you let me think
You would stay>
That night had been wonderful. They had talked and had sex. Just enjoying being with each other. She had shared her hopes...told him things that no one knew. She had thought by the look in his eyes that he might be able to care about her. She thought they might have a chance. She'd been so wrong. Buffy had just told her that he had called her. He could call his ex love but not her. She hadn't heard him from him since that night. She felt the tears on her face. She had been so stupid. She had lasted years without giving her heart away. When she did, he left her too. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't someone love her? She hated this quiet apartment. It was driving her mad. Waking up alone...not having anyone to share her life with. Angel haunted her thoughts. She knew that he was the one. She didn't know how, but it was there. He didn't want her. She looked at the bottle of pills on the bedside table. Closing her eyes, she made her decision. She couldn't live alone. Not after what she had felt in his arms.

"I love you Angel...." she said softly. She reached for the bottle.
< I never wanted too much
I never needed too much
But at the moment of truth
All I can think about is you
In my room >